I want to tell you how my mom taught me to set boundaries and respect myself? !

The story is really a great example of how we very often, unconsciously, in order to fit into the social norms and expectations of other people, force children to ignore their feelings.
"I want to tell you a story about how my mother taught me that I always have the right to get out of a situation that I don't like.

I was maybe seven years old, I think it was the first time I went to sleep with a friend. I don't even remember her name. But before we went to her, my mother told me that if I felt bad, uncomfortable, at any time, for any reason, even in the middle of the night, I could call her.

She was completely clear. She said that even if my friend's parents went to bed, I should go and knock on their door and ask for the phone. It doesn't matter that it's late. And if her parents don’t answer my knock, let me go and find the phone myself and invite her to come.
I think one of my friends (there were more of us) teased me. It was definitely not a matter of not being able to fall asleep, of being afraid of something, something else was happening, something between us. And I obeyed my mom.
My friend's mom tried to discourage me. She said it was late, I said my mom didn’t mind. She said I could sleep on the couch if I wanted to, I said I wanted to go home. She said that her daughter is upset about me now, I said that she hurt me.
I remember calling my mom and she answered right away. I said "Mom…", she immediately asked: "Do you want me to come?". I said "yes, please…", she replied to tell my friend's mom to help me pack and get ready and that she would come right away.

And she came. In pajamas and jackets. My friend's mom was constantly apologizing for calling, and my mom just raised her hand and said, "Don't apologize for my child. I just want her to know that she is right and we can always leave when she is not comfortable, and that I will be there for her.

I remember a group of girls in pajamas at the door of the room where I was supposed to sleep, watching everything that was happening in wonder. And I remember that friend's mom who kept apologizing. She didn't seem to know what to say when my mom explained to her why she shouldn't apologize..

There have been situations like this since I was growing up. My mom always taught me to set boundaries. I remember that she took me across the street to a friend from the neighborhood to apologize in front of her parents for something she did to me.
I remember that she also taught me how to get out of the work environment in which I feel bad.
I can't really say that I always followed my feelings and respected my limits. I can’t say I’ve never swallowed a dumpling so someone else wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. But I can say that what she taught me was important. It was and is radically different from what children learn.
It is radical to have boundaries. And work on them. In what she did, I think three things were important: She was always decisive and clear that I could leave a situation where I felt bad; she never asked why and perhaps not to exaggerate; she would always show up when I needed her.

But I thought a lot about my friend’s mom apologizing for me and how that’s what’s considered right and normal. What my mother taught me was different and radical, and what her mother taught us all was considered normal:
"Just face the fact that they are bad to you, don't bully anyone, go to sleep, everything will end quickly, don't make a fuss of everyone."

Now that I’m an adult I see how important everything she taught me is. For some people, for some situations, there is no way out. But very often we do not leave some situations because we think it is not allowed.

Well, in case no one has ever told you - YOU CAN GO.

You can leave the meeting with your boyfriend, from the party, from work. Garbage. If you are worried that someone will think you are not consistent, remember that both your boundaries and your integrity are something you need to be consistent with.

I wanted to tell this story because the message we send to children every day is that they have to endure something so as not to upset anyone else, it is too strong.

So, if you are a person like me, who has been taught to guard your boundaries, pay attention to those who are not. They probably need a reminder - they need to hear that it's okay to leave. "