The Living Ghost

My friend is a woman who knows what she wants in life. The maturity of the years has taught her many things. The time she has lived alone has pleased her, loneliness has taught her to see life from another perspective, she is now stronger than before, she manages her emotions better, she is more independent, more determined in the way she leads her life. She is happy without the company of another person. She lives in peace, with a peace that she values very much. My friend and I have known each other all our lives. I particularly know what makes her happy, what moves her, what saddens her. We have shared so many things in good times and bad. We have shared so much that time has made us seem like one person.

A short time ago she met a man she found very interesting and in a short time they became friends. According to what she has appreciated he is a good man, with good feelings, the kind that one would say there are few left. From the first moment, they met they understood each other in many aspects, although she confesses to me that a few days before the friendship began she had already "had her eye on him" without realizing it. Once they met, they have not stopped talking to each other every day and at various times they communicate to know about each other. They have laughed at each other's witticisms. They have many things in common. They both enjoy reading and share a passion for writing. They read what they publish with great interest. The content of what their friend writes is full of intimate feelings and emotions that bare a soul wounded by a love breakup.

 Both have been sincere since they met, speaking truthfully about the situations they have lived through in the past. In the conversations they have had, he expresses the grief he still carries for the breakup of a seven-year relationship he had with his partner. He still has in his soul that feeling of loss that causes him pain. And he expresses this pain with great feeling in his publications. She understands that it is her way of releasing emotions of rage, anger, and pain for the betrayal of her ex-partner.

He confesses that she loved that woman so much that she thought she was the love of her life, that it was a love for life. She finds it hard to accept the situation. He has very vivid memories with that woman, but he realizes that he is suffering from phantom pain. It is the phantom pain that you feel when you break up with the love of your life. It is as if you had suffered the amputation of a part of your body. That's how intensely you love that woman. Emotionally he is in the process of coming to terms with the breakup.

My friend knows that he still feels depressed and destroyed by the breakup, and in conversations with his friend he tells her that he is not far away, that he is getting free, but my friend senses that he is not, that the ghost is still alive.

Phantom pain occurs when memories come to mind, memories that are anchored thanks to the amygdala, a small area of our brain responsible for bringing out the deepest emotions we have experienced. Phantom pain is a very strong pain that the brain seeks to fill with memories of that loved one, but like grief, this phantom pain will also pass.

Acceptance and resignation go hand in hand to overcome this phantom pain. As time goes by it will hurt less and less. Your friend, in spite of the pain of the breakup, feels that there is little time left to get over the grief. She is making an effort to free herself from the emotional burden of the past that hurts her. My friend hopes so because she feels that with time a beautiful feeling towards him has been born in her. A feeling that grows every day to the point of thinking about putting loneliness aside, sharing her happiness and peace, committing her life to the company of a good man, but she also knows that it is hard for her to deal with a ghost that still lives in him. She is very clear on that, she is not blinded by a fantasy, she sees the reality of the situation and continues to cultivate an interesting and growing friendship between the two of them.

In the last conversations he expresses with resignation of his relationship with his ex-partner, he already accepts that this relationship has come to an end. That there is no turning back, the facts are real and we have to accept them. When he talks to my friend he feels good, he starts to have happy days, he laughs at the funny things my friend says. He also feels something special for her. He has shown it to her on many occasions. She feels that he is sincere, that he tells the truth of his feelings, that he is a serious man and committed to finding happiness again in the company of a good woman. He asks her for time to fully heal his heart and start over. She understands perfectly well that time is necessary. She understands very well that time is the medicine for healing and starting over. What is important is the intention to tell each other that a beautiful feeling is being born between them, a serious intention to unite their future in a solid relationship without the shadow of a ghost.

He is going away from her for a few months. He has been telling her for a long time. He had planned long before he met her to spend three months in Argentina with one of his daughters. And then go for three more months to another daughter who lives in Spain. He has not seen his daughters for some time. And this time of sharing with them will serve her as a healing, a liberation. My friend understands perfectly well that this time away from any common environment she has had with her ex-partner is necessary. She understands that this six months away from the country will make her reborn, body, soul and spirit, without the shadow of a ghost. He told her that when he returns in six months he hopes to find her to start a new stage in their lives.

What do you think... What would you do in the case of these two people who met and became good friends?

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