"Ma'am or Mom?"

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I'm currently on the stage of confusion right now. This was because of the tagged post I've got yesterday from a friend of mine, regarding the new open doors. I am referring to the Teachers Rankings school year 2023-2024.

As I opened my wifi connection, a notification from my messenger account just popped up which came from our last year's group chat. This group chat was created for the purpose of further announcements regarding the rankings and other concerns. Some of the members of that group chat had left already. It could be because they are already had an Item. A validation for them to teach at DepEd.

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Then, it so happened that I remembered joining a facebook group page so I went immediately there for me to see the post myself. I was mentioned by this friend on this certain post. But my reaction was just bland. I don't know. It could be because I still didn't forget the things that had happened this past two years of joining the rankings. Its not just about losing hope to this profession but my heart now is not a hundred percent intact anymore about getting a spot in the RQA (Registry of Qualified Applicants) or frankly speaking, I am not a interested to teach anymore. The thing is, I want to try other things other than the field that I have finished in college. But I am worried about what other people will say. I don't have the confidence to speak out because I am afraid to get criticize.(⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠) Hearing the words, "useless", "burden", and anything that is discouraging, those are the things that I don't want to hear as much as possible. That is why, I just chose to shut my mouth.

Another thing that is adding the feeling of having a mental strain was because of my current situation. In addition to that, my major concern is about the financial sources. You know, I am just a part-time online worker and my income is not stable. At the same time, I am not consistent in this field due to lack of motivation and sometimes being lazy to do so. I don't want to be a burden to my parents, likewise to Rhed. It will a shame of me to ask to them for this kind of help, especially to Rhed that supporting our needs (our baby). As for my parents, I don't want to add their problem when it comes to financial matters, especially that they are now getting old. I want them to just keep some of their income for future purposes.

Going back to the topic about the rankings. IT WILL SURELY GIVE ME A HARD TIME. Its because, I need to take an EPT (English Proficiency Test) again because its been past two years already. More than that, I am concerned about the travels and the travel expenses. Now that I am pregnant, I can't drive myself going to the district office to submit the needed documents unlike before. My papa can't drive me also because after he gathered "tuba", he also have another job which is carpentry. It would be a hassle and another cost of money if I will just take a "habal-habal" or motorcycle ride going back and forth. Then, I have read some statements on the hiring guidelines that we need to go to the Division Office, which means, we need to travel far. But my OB advised me to avoid long travels, for now. Most importantly, I should avoid getting stress because like my OB said, "it will affect the baby inside." I am including the term "stress" because applying on DepEd surely trigger it.

Final Thoughts:

I still have quite a long days ahead before the deadline of submission of the Letters of Intent. I still have more time to decide whether to take on the risk or not. As of now, I am still unstable. My mind is not fix. Ommoo..(ﾟ⁠οﾟ⁠人⁠)⁠) I'm stressing out now!

So, I should end my today's blog and get some rest for a while to calm myself down. That would be all my read.cash mates. I hope to read your comments or get your pieces of advice regarding this matter. Thank you and Take care!♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠)

TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!😇

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[|04.27.2023|]

<AUTHOR: renren16>