Traumas were never beautiful

Traumas did not make us stronger; our will to live did.
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I have heard several people with clothed voice of their proclaimed wisdom said that traumas made us who we are today, and that they made us tougher, and made us grow.
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And sometimes those people who think they knew us well are really those who do not know us enough – or even entirely at all.
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Traumas never make people strong. Only a fool would think of that, an uneducated one would say. Trauma is a cancer. That damned thing would creep its way even to our very bones, corrupting us, weakening our soul. It makes us weak time to time.
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It’s like you are hunted by it, yet you are also the hunted place: wrecked and messed-up. It howls in the most unexpected times, and it howls as well in those times you expected it. Like a ghost you knew at 3 am would be there sitting beside your bed but you didn’t know it would choke you to death all of a sudden. It’s like the silence you are loving now not until it would start to kill you off. It would shoot you unexpectedly even in the barest moment if one triggers the gun.
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You can never tame it. One moment you thought everything is alright with all sun beams and rainbows, but a moment later you are again in a transition, lost and fogged with bad bad memories, deafened by the banging raging storms of your clouded thoughts: angry and sad – a life living in gloom.
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So how does it make us strong? When traumas are like stones threw in our glass-like fragile beings. What is broken cannot be fixed. What is wounded deeply cannot be easily healed anymore. The cracks will remain, and so do scars.
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Why we are stronger now are because of all the courage and perseverance we have shed. It was our will to live despite the darkness that surrounded us that made us who we are now. It was always our will live to live that helped us to survive the fall. We picked up our broken selves that even though we cannot entirely get it back to the way it was used to, we got to innovate it, to redesign it, to put some colors to our monotonous parts.
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I was sexually harassed in a public place. And it never made part of why I am now in the process of becoming a full grown woman. It’s an insult. To assumed that I learned and grew because of that trauma when in fact the trauma never really healed and the wound is still sore until now. I got used to the pain. I practiced to hide it carefully. Because there is no treatment for it and allowing it to consume me would just make weaker and vulnerable, I adapt the pain like the weather, I found a way little by little to stand up. I survive the fall, the challenge, thus, I was stronger than before.
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Traumas never describe you as a person. Either way, not acknowledging or acknowledging your trauma is validated. To run from it or to face it is alright. To hide it deep in your shadows or to show it to the world is acceptable. The universe appreciates you in your anyways in dealing your trauma. In the first place you are never even responsible for that wreckage. It never really defines you as a person, even your ways to deal your traumas do not define you entirely. What will define you is what person are you going to be now and then.
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This makes us stronger: conditioning ourselves to have appropriate emotional responses but learning to keep moving forward. What makes us even stronger as well is the courage to free ourselves from the heavy burden of the past. These do not involve hiding, burying, erasing, avoiding, or forgetting, but only involves by just freeing, literally freeing ourselves. Freeing yourself from trauma might be a difficult thing for some, but it is what it is, once we are free from it we can then realize how good it is to stand without the weight of the world in your shoulders. How good it is to fly and be free from nightmares.
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Traumas never made us strong. It is ourselves and how we survive, how we defeated the challenge, and how we got to hone ourselves to be wiser, bolder, and fiercer in facing different obstacle fate has offered to us made us.
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Renésmee Neverfound ㅤ

An aspirant writer and artist. To be found is my greatest dream and never be lost. Hi, I am @rene.neverfound, you can call me Rene or Esme if you like. I specialized in prose-poetry and poetry, and now I am trying new things and writing styles. I love learning! I am a 17-year-old girl living life in the Philippines. And my face-claim here is @gabi_wahl on ig. I am a total bookworm and a grade 11 student with an undying passion for writing and art. Having many dreams is a funny mess because I get confused most of time with regard to what course should I take in college. I want to be an astrologist, a doctor, a journalist, an author, a professional artist, an archaeologist, and many more I forgot to remember while writing this.
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Author's Note: I personally edited the photos from Tumblr. However, the resources aren't mine. Credits are rightfully given to the rightful owners of the pictures I used.
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