Letting our kids to 'Be' is the best thing we can do.

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Avatar for remona
Written by
2 years ago

When I and my son do something together like making lego houses or when he studies; I secretly want him to act, think and behave like me.

My son is not the reflection of me and he never will be. Understanding and accepting this is a big thing and I'm still processing it.

It looks very cute when our kids copy us, we feel proud when they behave like us. And when they take the path we took while growing up, most of us feel great about it. It's okay if they do so. But forcing them to be us is not a big NO for me.

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My son is short-tempered, can't accept what makes him uncomfortable, will complain or talk back if he thinks something is wrong. So disciplining him is quite tough. I sometimes think about why he is not like me or his dad. And in a second I remind myself, he is a separate human, his thought process, likes and dislikes, understanding is far different from us and it's okay.

Like I always say, all the siblings are not the same even they come out from the same belly or even they are twins. So why another human, no matter if they are our kids will be like us?

  • Understand your kid's personality.

This is the best we can do to let them be who they are. I always believe trying to shape them in our way will make extra pressure and they will lose their identity. For sure they will be less confident about them. It's better to let them express themselves by understanding their personality.

  • Listen to your kids and encourage them.

This is what usually we do wrong, we teach them they are doing things wrong when they go against us. But their way can also be a right way, better than us. Listening to them is also a learning for us parents.

My suggestions would make me look like I'm an expert in parenting. But I'm not. I'm an enthusiast parent who is still learning and correcting herself. As I have said, I sometimes also secretly want to see my son as a reflection of me. I'm teaching myself to not look for the same things in him.

That is why accepting that they will not be us is the biggest thing. Discipline them but never force them to be you. Our kids need us, they are part of us but they will never be us just like we can never be them. We all are different, need our own space to grow.

Let them grow, let them be who they are inside, let them be confident about themselves.

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Avatar for remona
Written by
2 years ago

Comments

I agree to you my friend. Discipline children is really important to them because it will serve as a key to guide them in the good path. It should always be in the middle. The other issue is don't force our children to be like us.

You will give them a pressure. It makes them hopeless and demotivated on that reason instead let them be if you clearly see it that there's something wrong with it. Just support them whatever they want. They have a right also to decide with their own life.

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2 years ago

Good to see that we share similar thoughts. It's true that if we let them have no choice but copy us then there's a high chance that they would grow up hating themselves. I hope all parents will understand this. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

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2 years ago

Yes friend that's true that's why we should gave a freedom to our children also. You're always welcome friend.

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2 years ago

We all expect our children to be reflections of ourselves and will feel bad if its the opposite. I actually understand how you feel.

I believe that he will change after some time.

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2 years ago

I'm not disappointed, I came to realize being independent in his own way is much better than doing things the way I do. I don't want him to change. Thanks for reading :)

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2 years ago

I'd also feel bad of my son doesn't reflect some of my characteristics. In your sons case, i think he needs to be cautioned due to his anger issues, this can only be done by understanding his personality and trying to change him based on that.

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2 years ago

Yes, there's no way that he can be like me and I don't want that too. His personality is different and I accept that. I'm trying my best to adopt with him and teaching him the good things. Thanks for your advice.

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2 years ago

I agree with you. But still there is a lot to be said about children. It's hard to say when kids like it. But this is a good article for a mother.

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2 years ago

Yes, kids' psychology works differently. This is the message to the parents so we can learn as I learned gradually. Thanks for reading my writing.

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2 years ago

You were right mate, our children can't be like us as they are a different human being, but they can learn from us. As a first time mom, reading this kind of articles help me learn how to be a good mom to my son in the future. Thanks for this, sometimes we don't need to be an expert to share some thoughts and information of being a good parents, experience teach us a lot

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2 years ago

I'm also a first-time mom. And to be honest our past generation somehow teaches us that their way is the right way, which I don't agree with. So I'm trying to treat my kid differently. Thanks for agreeing. Motherhood is a tough job. I wish you the best on this :)

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2 years ago

You have to guide them, that they feel that they have our hand in the face of any stumbling block, but you have to let them walk alone. This is speaking metaphorically. Greetings.

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2 years ago

I agree, we can only hold their hand and guild them to walk on the right path but can't force them to do so. It's great if they follow us but if not, we should also appreciate their personality. Thanks for reading my writing.

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2 years ago