Sugar Mommy...

Free time is a dangerous time haha, at least for me. My mind goes wild and I have a hard time putting it all in a blank, and my thoughts are as varied as there are people in the world. This one is a crackerjack haha.

You see, these past few days I have been ¨resting¨after 3 weeks of hard and tiresome work. So, between the physical pain I feel, the mental exhaustion I have, and my utter loneliness, I have found myself longing, again, among other things, for some companionship, which on its own is a problem, because I don´t know anybody remotely close to my age that can provide that kind of company.

Also, you might think that there is something wrong with me, and there is, I think, meaning that I come across as a friend, I present myself that way and people trust me without question, but don´t take an interest in me beyond that. I have good looks, or so I´ve been told, and I don´t have a bad body either, but men don´t seem to be interested in me, grown men that is. Young adults however are attracted to me like a moth to a flame, hence the title, they see me as a Sugar Mommy.

The term Sugar Mommy and Daddy refers as you might well know, to a grown adult who likes to have relationships with younger people and provide for them. In women's case, what was once referred to as Cougars, Sugar Mommys are more common every day in pop culture, due to the fact that wealthy women over 40 years old look for the company of youngsters who might help them to feel young again, in exchange for gifts, and other things.

And young boys look for them also, experienced mature women who go above prejudice to be with them and pamper them with all they can think of. Men also do it, and it´s also very common to find in dating apps such as Tinder, men, and women promoting themselves as Sugars. Me? I´m no Sugar Mommy, I´m still under 40 and broke haha so I don´t have the qualifications to be an actual Sugar Mommy, but, twenty-something boys look for me without me even trying, I´m just me and they come without me calling.

Now, how does this makes me feel? Umm, it is complicated...

On one hand, it is flattering. Most of them don´t know my actual age until I say it and it comes as a shock to them (apparently I look younger than I am). So, they know I´m older and still find me attractive, and when they know my actual age they find themselves being even more interested, feeding my ego, which is fine, a little ego boost once in a while doesn´t hurt, let´s be honest here, who doesn´t like or want to feel desired by someone? I know I do!

On the other hand, it is a little uncomfortable for two reasons, one, I don´t like changing diapers. We have a saying over here:

He-She who sleeps with babies wakes up shitty...

What does this mean? It means that there´s still a childish innocence in young guys which in some cases is alluring but the reality is that everything that they are starting to live I have already gotten past it.

The late parties, spending all your money on things you don´t need, three-day weekends, sleeping till noon, and no responsibilities other than breathing and existing, I already lived it and enjoyed (I could still enjoy the no responsabilities part), but now I´m a woman that needs a type of stability that the guys that come on to me are starting to search, and some don´t even have come to terms with the fact that it´s necessary or that they even want it. So that there is a turn off for me.

The second reason I find this particular thing uncomfortable is this: some of the guys that come on to me, have jobs as musicians in the Foundation, and I´m their boss, so, even if I wanted to, there is a line I can´t cross, and believe me when I say, I don´t want to at all.

A 21-year-old wrote to me a few months back, a sweet guy actually, but a baby in comparison to me (I´m 15 years older than him), and I had to let him down gently because he was into me so I rejected him because of all that I´ve said before, and now I have the suspicion that another woman, also older than him, did jump on that ride, she is also at the Foundation and his superior.

I don´t have a confirmation yet but, I don´t like that at all...I know some people might think that as long as the balance between boss and employee remains equal there´s no problem if both parties are on board. But I still don´t think that´s appropriate in any workplace whatsoever, and I have made sure that this is widely known by everybody.

Anyways, this weekend I was thinking about it, if presented the opportunity I would embarge into that adventure, of involving myself in a romantic relationship with someone significantly younger than me. I found myself thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of it, how would I go about it, and if I see a future with a youngster. And the answer was no, I don´t, it´s just my loneliness talking, and me clinging to the little attention I get once in a while. Isn´t that sad??

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See you next time.

✨✨Blessings✨✨

@rebeysa85

Monday, October 17th, 2022.