My story of Fibro and Depression.

Good morning Y'all!

It's thursday and another week is close to an end. I'm feeling a little bit better but still in pain. Yesteday between that and the poor internet service, I hardly was able to do anything in here, but I got to answer some comments, make others in other articles and read interesting stuff.

One of them got my attention because it was a person in a lot of pain and venting his frustration in a very short post, but I felt it, I felt the desperation and the struggle he's in, so I said a few words to cheer him up and started thinking, I was there too. So for today, excatly 12 years since my diagnose, I'll share a lottle bit about my story of Fibro and Depression.

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What is Fribromyalgia for me

I will not give a cientific description of Fibromyalgia, I'll tell you what is like for me. Fibromyalgia is pain, is weakness, is being tired all the time, is being suffocated by the fact that your life is not your anymore. Pretty bad, huh?

Cientifics say this about it:

Fibromyalgia symptoms include widespread body pain, fatigue, unrefreshing sleep and mood problems. But all of these symptoms are common to many other conditions. And because fibromyalgia symptoms can occur alone or along with other conditions, it can take time to tease out which symptom is caused by what problem.

To make things even more confusing, fibromyalgia symptoms can come and go over time. That's why it can take a long time to go from fibromyalgia symptoms to a fibromyalgia diagnosis.

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I took 1 year to finally get the proper diagnose and I don't know how many tests and different doctors; some said it was MS others Cancer, others some Herniated Discs in my neck, others even spoke about Hypochondria. But the pain wasn't made up, it was real, is it real.

I had a hard time since the beginning, not only because the time it took to know what I have, but the words of the Doctor still ring in my head:

You have Fibro, it doesn't have a cure, but no worries, you wont die from it.

No worries? You just said I have a illness with no cure! How am I supposed to deal with that? Nobody answered. And so it begin a very dark path in my life that took me exactly where I am ...

The ravages of depression

At first everyone was supportive, my "friends" especially gave me a shoulder to cry on, for a moment, but then, they all started to leave me behind, I wasn't fun to be around anymore, I was tired all the time, I didn't wanted to party as much as I used to, I couldn't be at my job at the orchestra because the pain was excruciating, but not visible. That's the thing when you have Fibro, nobody can see what you feel, it's not noticeable by the naked eye, and for that my friends tought that I was lying.

I was shot out of the group, and my life at home wasn't easy neither. My roommate and my brother didn't help much with the chores of the apartment so I had to do everything, and I did before, but now, I couldn't do it anymore and they resented me for it. All of those things started to take a toll on me so I tried to live my life like I did before Fibro: work, chores, partys. Not a good decision.At one point cleaning the bathtub, I was bent over and I couldn't straight up; half an hour later my roommate found me and helped me to stand up.

That was going on for a while, and inside me there was a war being fought with myself, to stay strong, to stay lucid, to stay alive. I decided that I had to say something about the apartment situation because I couldn't have all the responsability and then, they turned the table and accused me of being impposible to live with because if I wasn't sleeping I was angry at them all the time, so much that they didn't do anything and stayed out the apartment as much as they could just to be away from me. That was it for me...

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I decided to ended all right there, so, I went to the kitchen, took a knife and put in on my belly ready to plunge it in. But the image of my mom and dad came to my head, my brothers and sisters, my aunt and cousins, and the few friends I had left, they all showed up one by one in my head like a movie or something. And I started thinking if that was the best solution I could find, if this was trully the best way to end my pain and suffering, bringing suffering to others. I even tought of what my life would be if I wasn't succesfull, I'll be in more pain!.

At that moment my brother found me knife in hand and took it away from me. We both started crying and made the commitment to seek help, and I did it. One year later I was back in my home town with my parents, I started a Cooking Class (I'll tell you about it some other time) and almost at the same time I started college from which I graduated with honors 5 years later.

There's a light at the end

Today I'm grateful that that happened to me, truly. I found my strenght at the bottom of the abyss and was able to power through the pain and suffering. I have my family who have been supportive, even if from time to time they have given me a hard time, they are not perfect and neither am I. Today I can walk head up high owing my mistakes and owing my pain, nut instead of let it push me down, I use t to push myself up and strive to be better.

And no, I'm not out of deppresion, even now, I still struggle with it because some times it just gets to me when I least expect it, but I always remember that day, that awful day in which I tought to end it all, and how I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the answer to any of my problems.

So for those out there who re struggling with the same thing, or similar situations, even if you feel alone, you must try and found you strenght because we all have it. Mine is my family, maybe yours can be a son, a doughter, a pet, a lover, your job, your hopes and dreams, even that donut you still haven't tried. There is much to be grateful for, and there is much to live for, even the crappy stuff are worth it because that makes us stronger and better. Also remember:

Always seek help, it is there when you need it if you remember to ask for it.

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✨✨Blessings✨✨