The majority of marriages end in divorce. It's such a typical occurrence, and it comes with a great deal of emotional baggage for everyone concerned.
People, on the other hand, have a tendency to brush the whole situation under the rug all too often. This happens frequently anytime unpleasant situations emerge, but it happens even more frequently when a relationship ends, with divorce being the messiest and most painful of them all. People spend years with someone they believe they will be with for the rest of their lives. They create a family, watch their children grow up happily, and then everything is ripped away.
Divorce is a traumatic process for everyone, but it is especially difficult for children. You go through your early years blissfully oblivious of the complexities of grownup concerns and the delicate nature of a loving connection. Your parents are just mom and dad to you. They've always been together, and there's no reason to think things will change now. Then something unexpected happens.
Witnessing your parents divorce as a child can have major long-term consequences, especially if the divorce is acrimonious and you're stuck in the middle. It can leave mental scars that take years to heal, and it can influence your future actions, emotional responses, and ideas about marriage and relationships.
You spend your childhood being shuttled back and forth between your parents, rather than growing up in a stable, consistent home. Uncertainty falls upon you, and you're never quite sure where you stand, where you belong, or who you can really trust and rely on in life. You end up keeping your distance from people, fearful of getting too close in case they go, and you end up feeling even more isolated than before.
You have no idea what it's like to have all of the people you care about in your life around you. When you're young, you don't realize that whoever you leave will still be there when you come back to see them, and every time you leave one parent's house to visit the other, it's as if you're grieving the loss of a parent all over again.
As you become older, you develop a constant sense of unease, as if someone will stroll through the door at any minute and tell you to pack your belongings because you're leaving. You're always on the lookout for this potential, so you never feel completely at ease in any given location. You're always yearning to get out of here. You don't stay in any place because you've never done so before. You're used to constantly being on the move.
You understand that becoming very attached to someone causes misery, therefore you avoid becoming overly attached. It's a protective mechanism designed to keep you from getting wounded.
The damage can be mitigated if your parents divorce amicably. However, if the breakup is serious, things can turn out completely differently. You notice the yelling, abuse, and manipulation and internalize it all. It all becomes part of your repertoire of conduct, and it may all come out at any time when you're triggered. Because you know how powerless it feels to observe or be on the receiving end, you want to scream, shout, throw objects, and intimidate people.
You know how it feels to be the person your parents turn to when they're upset. Because you're a contributing factor in the difficulty of the divorce, you become someone to blame in their eyes, even if they don't realize it.
When you see your friends fall in love, you grow up and begin to think about the concept of relationships. You discover that you don't believe in love deep down. Not at all. You've already seen how the story ends.
Every divorce is unique in some manner, whether it's minor or major. Children are the most affected by all divorces, but those that are handled maturely and with a lot of love, affection, and reassurance for the children are easier to deal with. When infants witness violence, wrath, bitterness, and genuine hatred, the entire messed-up situation is imprinted on their young minds, with long-term consequences as they try to live their lives.
Seeing your parents, the people you love the most in the world, at odds with one other is a hurt that will never go away.
As a child, witnessing your parents divorce can be a nightmare that haunts you for the rest of your life.
Every divorce there's a child who will suffer. I'm a product of broken family and so is my partner. So, I will do my best for my child to not experience what I had experienced. I know how it feels and I know how it hurts.