Why worry?

I am a worrier.

I tend to worry about the future, about what might happen, about my career and life choices, about my future family, about my finances, almost about everything.

I always worry about tomorrow that sometimes I neglect to be in the moment.

I realized that I am really a worrier because when I submitted my application to the scholarship program, I worry about the consequences of it - having to give up my full-time job because it will not be favorable to the institution to keep me if I intend to leave. I worry about my financial capacity, I have a lot of responsibilities aka bills that I need to pay monthly. How will I be able to pay for all of these?

So, when I requested the administrators to let me stay (and get paid) until the day of my supposed departure, I know that it was a long shot. I was desperate because I know I don't have enough savings to be able to get through the months. So, the worrier and the sigurista in me decided to look for other jobs that would compensate the salary that I am getting from my full-time job.

Thankfully, in a span of less than a week, I was launched to an online English tutorial class. It doesn't pay that much, but I started with a few, like 3 classes per day only, and gathered some regulars. But even if I have this job, I am still thinking of it only as a part-time, that's why I don't open a lot of slots, 12 is the maximum in a weekend. Again, it doesn't pay much, and I have to put a lot of effort, so, it makes me tired, actually.

Yet, I am still thankful that I get to save little amounts from time to time.

Read.cash too is a blessing. My brother invited me last year to this platform, I was able to write a few articles but stopped because I got too busy with my full-time job. This year, with the thoughts of not having enough funds, when he encouraged me to just write anything under the sun, I grabbed it and found myself writing anything under the sun, without any draft. Just what pops into my mind. Most are all my thoughts, my day-to-day experiences, my struggles, and well, anything really.

So, this is also a fruit of me being a worrier.

Apart from the English tutorial company that I applied for, I also applied to some publishing companies and tried to become a content editor or even a content writer. I did not expect that they will respond to my application until after a month, I received an invitation to a webinar, as part of the application process. I attended, I submitted the requirements and the assignment given to us, and voila! I am now a talent of the publishing company as a developmental and content and language editor.

Why did I grab it? Because I worry.

So, does this mean that because of my worrying, I was able to land to these different opportunities in a short span of time?

Actually, no. It's not because of worrying. It's more about having faith and trusting Him that He will give me what I deserve in the right place, at the right time. Sure, I believe that faith without works is dead... I believe that He allowed me to see these opportunities because He knew that it will sustain me in the coming months when I have to file for a leave of absence from my full-time job. It was His hands that orchestrated all these, and if not for Him, I may be just sitting there, in my comfort zone, just waiting for the next salary to come.

For the first time in a long time, I am relearning about two things:

1. Hard work - Everything comes with a price. I realized that I have to work hard to achieve what I desire to be and to achieve.

2. Faith in Him - Trust that He will give me what I long and desire for, in His own time, by His own means. I realized that I just have to trust Him and not let worry rule my life. Because only through Him, I will be able to gain strength and wisdom to do hard work to be able to achieve what I have to be and what I have to achieve.

I really like the song "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman:

Sharing with you my favorite part of the song lyrics:

I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers

Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why should I worry, why do I freak out?

God knows what I need. He knows what I need.

He knows what we need, we just have to trust Him and do our part. Worrying will only lead us to nowhere. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.