Confirmed: I am positive.
Hello, folks!
How are you doing? I hope you're all healthy and well. I can't say the same for me because, as you may have known, my previous post was me thinking that I might be infected with Coronavirus. And well, yesterday, I had the chance to have my PCR test taken.
Results came out today, and I am, indeed, positive for COVID-19.
I won't say that I did not expect it. I was expecting it at all, though a little part of me is still hoping that this is just a worst case of flu, I was counting on the possibility that since I didn't get any fever, it's just like what I usually experience back in the Philippines.
But then again, this time, it is not.
I would like to share here some of my symptoms that began last August 14th.
**Itchy throat / sore throat**
The first two days after the onset of my symptoms, I was feeling itchiness in my throat. I can't say that it's sore, because there's no pain when I swallow and whatnot, but I think it is considered a sore throat. So what I did was drink lots of water and ate candy that relieves the itchiness. After the second day, the itchiness comes and goes.
**Increase in body temperature**
During the first night that I knew I was in close contact with someone with COVID-19, I checked my body temperature, and it increased up to 37.3 degrees Celsius. This is way above my normal temperature which ranges from 35.9-36.6 degrees Celsius. Of course, this is not fever yet, coz it'll only be considered when it's 37.5 degrees Celsius, but I took note of this because it's not normal for me to feel a bit chilly. The next day, I checked my body temperature again and the highest was 37.1 degrees Celcius. I think that this is already an indication of my becoming infected with the virus.
**A heavy feeling in my upper back**
This is a common personal symptom that I experience when I know that I have phlegm in my lungs. I don't know that I feel pain in my shoulders and whole upper back whenever I have common colds/flu back in the Philippines. I usually ask for a home service massage to relieve the pain, but obviously, I can't do it here, and I can't do it right now coz of my current situation. The only difference is that I don't have a dry cough, and also no nasal congestion, thus, this phlegm that I feel right above my throat is not easily expelled out of my system. Thankfully, when I feel like there's a clog in my nostrils, I just inhale menthol and it's relieved. By the way, I also used this inhaler to relieve my sore and itchy throat (by inhaling. lol). I know many Filipinos are familiar with Vicks Inhaler as shown in the photo below.
**Fatigue**
It's now my 6th day in isolation, and so far, no increase in body temperature, and no itchy throat, but I feel fatigued all over my body. Even stretching is a bit tedious but I still do it anyway. I also feel so sleepy, but this is maybe a side-effect of the medication that I'm taking. Hoping to flush out all this virus in my body at the soonest possible time!
Anyway, I am fighting COVID-19 with all my might. I also think that I have milder symptoms because I was able to get my booster shot done last August 1st. So, it's gonna be better, I will gonna be better, soon.
I know that some of you don't believe in vaccines, and that's understandable, but COVID-19 is real, guys, so please take extra care, wherever you are! Always disinfect, wash hands regularly, and wear a mask.
私はがんばりますね!
I think I got the Omicron variant.
Hello, everyone!
It's been days since I last posted an article here. Am I busy? Hmm, actually, I am not. The past few days I just decided to rest and from time to time, go to certain attractions near my area. In the last few days as well, we were able to celebrate the birthday of one of our dorm mates here. It was a surprise late birthday celebration for her, we decided to eat in an Indian restaurant, and it was way too good!
So, I just want to share that the other night, around 1 AM on Monday, we received a message in Line from one of our dorm mates, the bad news was she got infected with the coronavirus. :(
And I was like. Oh no, oh shit.
She is a French national, and together with another dorm mate, who is a German, last Saturday was their last day at the dormitory. They are going to spend their remaining days in Japan at a friend's house in Yokohama.
Anyway, since it was her last day, we gathered in the dormitory's kitchen, ate, drank some milk tea, and then waved our goodbyes with hugs to each other.
The whole Sunday I was feeling fine, but I feel a bit tired. But because another dorm mate who is a Korean national just got back from her trip to Nagoya, we planned to eat dinner together. She cooked *rappoki (ramen+ tteokbokki)* We ate it with my McDonald's chicken nuggets with another dormmate who is a Malaysian.
I did not mind what I was feeling, itchiness in my throat area. This type of symptom is familiar to me since this is the first symptom when I know that I am infected with flu. I did not mind and thought that the spiciness of the *rappokki* can actually "heal" the itchiness that I feel.
After a hours, we received the message in Line... and then, that time, I knew it... we are already considered close contacts. And since I am experiencing such symptoms, I asked the others if they feel something... and it was the same - mild sore throat, some even had a slight fever.
Since Monday (August 15), I have checked my temperature, and thankfully it's just in the normal range. However, there was a time that I have a 37.3 degrees Celsius, .2 more and that could have been considered a fever. Yesterday, I had a very itchy and sore throat, but since I am taking Vitamin C daily, and drinking lots of water, it has subsided today. What I felt yesterday was like a phlegm build-up at the top of my throat, which was the same explanation as my other dormmate.
We sent a message to the university to inform them of our situation and that we were exposed to an infected person. They gave us the guidelines which are to stay inside the dormitory to self-isolate for 10 days; get tested if we can, however, the testing centers and hospitals here are also fully-booked.
I, for one, don't wanna get tested because I am almost 99% sure that his is COVID-19, maybe the Omicron variant because of mild symptoms in the upper respiratory tract. However, there is a line of activities waiting for us. Like for example, in August 18, we are to have a consultation with our teacher regarding a presentation on August 30th; at 6pm of the same day, we are about to attend a "Matcha Tea-Making", a special ceremony that is being held for international students at the International Exchange Salon of the city, on August 21st, we are to be part of the Tanabata Procession, for more information, you can click the link here: https://www.gltjp.com/en/directory/item/13430/
Well, I am thinking, I have to cancel all of these so as not to risk people from getting infected with whatever infection that I have now.
Thankfully, I was able to have my booster shot just last August 1. I don't know, but some of you might disagree with me, I think that vaccines really work. If you think, they don't, then it's up to you. I think I have higher chances of fighting off the virus because of these antibodies that were in my system.
Anyway, it's my second day of isolation, and I feel much better, just a bit of a runny nose, the itchiness of the throat is still there, but it's not as itchy as yesterday. I was also able to expel some phlegm and tried to disinfect the room as much as possible.
I am also thankful to my dormmates who volunteers to buy food for us at the university cafeteria. Also thankful because last month, we were able to apply for free coupons worth 10,000 yen which we can use to buy food and other stuff from the University Cooperative/Cafeteria. Now, we're using these coupons to buy us *bento* or a term most appropriate now - "quarantine" food.
That's it. I hope and pray that my condition won't worsen in the next few days. Just like what my brother, who is a nurse, told me, don't be afraid of COVID-19... reminding me that I can withstand and overcome.
Stay safe, everyone! God bless!
Summer break is here.
Hello everyone!
How are you? I hope you're all doing fine in whatever it is that you're doing. I intended to post something but don't have any ideas or thoughts to share. So, I just thought maybe to give you an update on how's my life lately in Japan.
The Spring semester had just ended for me. The last class that I attended was last July 28th, yet we still had a day trip to Osaka to visit the Osaka-Ukiyoe Museum and watch Bunraku.
According to meihaku.jp,*"Ukiyo-e" is* ***a painting depicting customs drawn from the Edo period to the Taisho period*** *."* Each of us actually made our own print of a mask on paper. What we did was to put a paint on the "mold" and then flatten it out on paper, and then proceed to the next layer with a different "mold" and do the same thing, and then another.. until the image is printed out on paper.
It was enjoyable, however, I got a few stains on my artwork.
The Ukiyoe was originally intended to end at 12:00 but we were early so we had more time to eat lunch. Thus, after the Ukiyoe activity, my friends and I went to a "*tabehodai"* or all-you-can-eat place called Kushiya Monogatari in Namba Parks. I ate a lot, but not quite... I did not really enjoy it because it was too oily. According to tsunagujapan.com, "*kushikatsu* is a dish of meat or vegetables that has been cut in mouthful portions, skewered, battered and deep fried ."
I tried to get a lot of vegetables to compensate for the oiliness of the deep-fried foods, but they actually did not compensate at all because they were cooked deep-fried too. Well, at least I get to experience this.
Afterwards, we walk to the National Bunraku Theatre, also in Osaka where we get to experience another Japanese tradition which is to watch a *bunraku* or puppet drama. According to the National Bunraku Theatre website, it was opened in April of 1984 as a "base to preserve, develop and pass on the traditional art forms of the Kamigata (Osaka-Kyoto) area, especially the art of *ningyo joruri* Bunraku, or puppet drama." Before the show, we went to a museum that showed how these puppets and other props were made, and how are they used by the puppeteer. The show began at 1:30 and is expected to end at 17:20. It was really long. My thoughts? Hmm, it was nice, but I really fought hard not to sleep. Honestly, I lost. I slept, and so did the other students with me. But during the times that I tried to be awake, I was really in awe of the voice of the narrator, as we as the puppeteers who control the puppets. Each puppet operated by three performers: a principal operator and two assistants. The puppet is not operated by strings but rather by the performers' hands. The principal operator can be seen but the two assistants were wearing black masks. I was not able to take a photo of the performers as it was prohibited in the theatre to take photos or videos. But to give you an idea, here's a photo from the internet.
Bunraku is recognized by UNESCO as an intangible cultural heritage, along with "noh" and "kabuki". I want to watch kabuki in the future if given a chance.
So there you go fellas, I started my long summer break by knowing something new about the Japanese culture. I wanted to travel because I know I enjoy traveling so much, but the problem is, I don't have enough funds to be going around and staying away from where I live at the moment. I was also a bit surprised that the summer break is really long. I just wish that I get to have a part-time job, something that can keep me busy during the summer and even beyond that. I also plan to work on my research as I need to do data gathering at the beginning of the fall semester. So, wish me luck!
Ganbarimasu!
New PH Laws
Before I begin writing this article, I would like to say that I am not an expert in Philippine government laws, although I try to be aware of such, especially the new ones that benefit the people I care for.
In this article, I will only select certain laws that I think are relevant to many people today. I won't even bother those asking to rename the airport of the Philippines into something else, well, it's just a bill, but hey, aren't there other bills which are much more worthy of submission? Anyway, going back, I will mention each law, the principal authors, and a brief explanation of what is it about.
So, let's start.
**Republic Act 11930: Anti-Online Sexual Abuse and Exploitation Children (OSAEC) Law**
Principal Author and Sponsor: Sen. Risa Hontiveros
This is amending Republic Act 9775 or otherwise known as the "Anti-Pornography Act", which gives more protection to minors against online exploitation and sexual abuse. I think this is very important nowadays since there's a plethora of cases where adults are grooming minors to have a "sexual and/or romantic relationship, produce sexual materials, etc." - provided that these are all done online". Those who support, subscribe and watch these kinds of materials will be punished as well. Moreover, it also puts pressure on internet service providers (and other similar companies) to level up their restrictions on such content.
**Republic Act 11898: Extended Producer Responsibility Act**
Principal Sponsor: Sen. Cynthia Villar
This is an amendment to Republic Act 9003 or otherwise known as the "Ecological Solid Waste Management Act". This amendment to the law now requires major companies to "adopt and implement policies for the proper management of plastic packaging wastes". In other words, these companies are given the responsibility to recover their waste packaging materials, or if not able to, to pay a fine. I think this is one good way to help slow down the filling up of wastes in landfills. I know this will be hard as the Philippines is known to have a "sachet economy", because of its affordability to the masses, yet this massive number of sachets also means lots and lots of plastic packaging that is going everywhere. So, this law will also make the companies and manufacturers rethink of ways on which they can reduce the use of plastic packages while maintaining the affordability of their products to the masses.
**Republic Act No. 11909: Permanent Validity of the Certificates of Live Birth, Death, and Marriage Act**
Principal Author: Former Sen. Kiko Pangilinan
I think this is one of the most practical bills that was ever passed into law. It
seems very simple, but its repercussions are tremendously incredible, especially for those who need such documents at any given time for any given circumstance. Imagine, you don't need to apply for a new copy of your PSA-certified birth certificate when you want to apply for passport or enroll in a university or submit it as a requirement in your new work/job. If in case you need to have copies of these documents again, you don't need to go to the office concerned or satellite offices and pay multiple times just to get the "validated" copy because it will be for permanent validity. Now, you won't need to guess which is the valid copy of your PSA-Certificate of Live Birth documents based on their colors.
**Republic Act 11927: Digital Workforce Competitiveness Act**
Author/Sponsor: Sen. Joel Villanueva
This law makes a lot of sense because we all know that there's a need for Filipinos to become globally competitive, especially in the workforce. This law mandates the creation of an Inter-Agency Council for Development and Competitiveness of the Philippine Digital Workforce. This agency is tasked to develop, implement, and also enhance programs that are focused on the digital competitiveness of the workforce.
Keeping this a short list for now. There are other more interesting bills that were already passed into law. If you're interested to know, please let me know in the comments section.
**References**
CNN Philippines. (2022, August 3). *Over 100 bills in 18th Congress lapse into law. What are the notable ones taking effect soon?* cnnphilippines.com. https://www.cnnphilippines.com/news/2022/8/3/Congress-lapse-law-.html
Fernandez, D. (2022, August 2). *Permanent validity of birth, death, marriage certificates bill lapses into law*. Philippines Top Stories: Politics, Environment, Education, Trending | Inquirer.net. https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/1639394/permanent-validity-of-birth-death-marriage-certificates-bill-lapses-into-law
Senate of the Philippines. (2022). *Digital Workforce Competitiveness Act gets Senate nod*. https://legacy.senate.gov.ph/press_release/2022/0531_villanueva1.asp
Booster shot: Done
I can't believe that we are already in the 8th month of the year 2022. It all seems to go by so fast. I arrived here in Japan on the last week of November last year, and now, as I look back, I can't help but feel bittersweet because I only have a few months more of staying here.
Anyway, I just wanna share with you my experience in getting my COVID-19 vaccine here in Japan. Before I came here, I was able to get a vaccine in the Philippines in June and July 2021. I got the Sinovac, because it is the available vaccine at that time, and you know, as they say, better to be vaccinated than not at all.
When I came to Japan, I heard that they do not recognize Sinovac here. But still, I printed out the e-certificate telling that I got vaccinated already. It wasn't a requirement that time, but I still printed it anynways. I have the tendency to "overly" prepare, in Filipino "*sigurista lang*" kind of attitude.
So, many months had passed and I receive a post mail from the city hall inviting its residents to take the vaccine. Since I know that my Sinovac vaccine is not recognized, I opted to register for the free vaccination care of the city hall. It was February of this year that I was able to get my first does of the COVID-19 vaccine.
Going to the venue is the easiest part, however, filling out the forms were the worst since I have only begun learning Nihongo as few months, I cannot converse using the language that much. In the registration form, I had to include if I got my vaccination already, and since I already had one, I have to put it... which turned out to be confusing as it is. Thus, I tried to converse with them and explain that I already got the vaccine in the Philippines but I know Japan government does not recognize it.. simple, right? But I had a hard time translating and putting it into Japanese words.
But I still was able to continue, they somewhat understood what I was trying to say. Thank God!
Before getting the actual vaccine, (by the way, it was Pfizer this time around) we had to consult with a doctor... and then thankfully the person who assisted me in the registration process directed me towards a doctor who can speak English! That was a relief. A few more moments and I was beginnig to converse with him. I told him about what I have been telling the other staff from the beginning. He cleared me and I was directed to the line waiting for my vaccination when suddenly, he approached me again, and stopped me from getting the vaccine.
And I was like... what?
He told me to wait for a second and he's gonna discuss my situation with other doctors, medical practitioners around. I was kinda getting nervous, thinking did I do something wrong? Why does it take too long?
And then he approached me, with the registration form and told me that the vaccine I took in the Philippines is not recognized, so I should change the ones I input in the registration form. Well, it was plain and simple. And then I got my vaccine after.
The day after my vaccination, I didn't feel any side effects. I was able to attend our online class that time. However, in the evening, I began to feel the symptoms of the side-effect. I had a headache and also a fever. So, the next morning, I told my sensei that I was not going to attend even the online classes because of what I was feeling.
After three weeks, I was scheduled for the second dose of the vaccine. I went there and it was smoother than the first one, we don't need to consult much with the doctor, maybe because it's the second dose already.
The next day, I told my sensei that I would like to skip classes so that I can rest and not experience the fever and headache that I had experienced from before. Thankfully, I did not have any fever or other symptoms the next day, even the day after.
So, two weeks ago, I received a post mail from the city hall again informing me that I can already get the booster shot. All along, I thought that we can only get it after 8 months, but they clarified that we can already get the booster shot 5 months after the last vaccination. So, I was able to schedule my vaccination yesterday, in a different clinic, at 9:30 am.
So, I went there and arrived earlier. I was waiting at the waiting area, and at 9:30, I was called to receive the vaccine. At 9:31, I was already heading out back to the waiting area. They needed to observe me for 15 more minutes before I can get out of the clinic. I did not feel anything unusual, so I was let go at around 9:45.
I did not go straight home yet, because there was a supermarket nearby and I wanted to do a little bit of grocery shopping. And so I went. I was able to arrive home at around 11:30. I then ate my lunch and took some rest. I even drank medicine to counterattack the possible side-effects that I might be feeling.
I still did not feel anything unusual, I was able to sleep for a little while but had to wake up because of a call from my friend. In the evening, I began to feel a bit of a headache while preparing dinner. I ate and celebrated the birthday of one of our dormmates. And finally told them I wish to go to bed sooner. But before that I took a bath first.
After taking a bath, I sensed the change in what I feel. I began feeling a terrible headache. I began feeling chilly, so I took put on socks. I checked my temperature and it was a bit higher than normal - 37.8 degrees Celsius.
I tried to sleep it off but at around 2am, I woke up feeling uneasy and checked my body temperature, it has risen to 38.2 degrees Celsius already. Still feeling headache, my vaccineted arm is painful and even my whole body was aching.
I tried to doze it off again.
I was able to but then in the morning, when I woke up, I still have headache. It was getting worse. :( I know I can't take medicine with an empty stomach, so I ate a piece of a cookie to be able to drink my medicine, and then, sleep it off again.
At around 11am, I was feeling better, no more headaches but body pain's still here, it's actually up until now. But I was able to prepare for my lunch, just ate tuna sandwich and coffee.
I wish that this feeling gonna be gone sooner. I don't want to feel a bit dysfunctional for a long time. But I am still grateful that I was able to get a total of 5 doses of COVID-19 vaccines. 2 unofficial (from the Philippines), and 3 from here (2 Pfizer, 1 Moderna).
So, if you haven't had any vaccines yet, please get one as soon as possible. It maybe a discomfort, but it will help you big time. :)
History is not gossip.
*"History repeats itself."*
This famous saying is related to what George Santaya, a Spanish philosopher once said - "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
For me, it doesn't necessarily mean that everything that has happened in the past will be bound to happen again. I think it is called "deja vu", more commonly in a paranormal realm. It just suggests that maybe the same bad things can happen again if the present people don't recognize that it's the same pattern that's been happening... tragedy's bound to happen again, if the current state is misleading people of its past, thus, people tend to make a cloudy judgment for their future.
*History always has two sides to the coin.*
Many people argue that history is only written by the people who won and continued to live on. But I think, it is more than that. I am not a historian nor a history teacher, but I truly enjoyed my time studying history, especially in college. I realized that the history written in elementary and high school textbooks should NOT be just about the chronological order of dates, important people, and places involved in certain historical events. More than a lot of this information, the context and the reason why these people acted the way they acted, how did they decide on which step to be taken, etc. History is more than just the memorization of dates, it should be more about the comprehension of the ideas, and the synthesis of these ideas into realizations wherein the learner can apply good decision-making process when he/she is facing similar scenarios.
It's just so sad to know that in my country, history is being revised by certain people who are tasked to create confusion and angst against the proper channels of history. Historical revisionism is what they call it, the blatant romanticism of certain gore parts of history such that it is justified or worst is to glorify only the good, such that the bad things that happen seem to vanish and be thought of as a work of fiction.
No one can argue that technology and the internet are essential tools in knowledge acquisition, especially in the world today. You can get information at the click of your fingertips. However, the very same tool is also used by some people for deception and personal gain. At first, social networking sites (SNS) were mainly used for communication and connection among peers or people with the same interest, however, through time, it has evolved into a variety of different stuff all at the same time. Anyone can create an account just by having an email address. One person can have multiple email addresses that can be used to create multiple accounts. The reason why they need to create multiple accounts, I am not really sure, maybe they just forgot their password and whatnot... but some others are deliberately creating these dummy accounts to bash other people, create content that deceives people, and gain money from it.
My point is, that some people create their own story of fiction and present it to their "followers" as factual information. These followers don't recognize if the information is factual or not because they do not carefully screen where this information came from. This certain information is shared from one person to another, which multiplies the deception. These people don't recognize that they were deceived in the first place because all of their feeds say the same thing, an algorithm used by many SNS to encourage continuous usage and patronage of their SNS.
This information which was originally fiction evolves, until such time that the person who's reading it would not even dare to fact-check because it seems real. I wish to share with you the experience I had with one of my aunts. This aunt of mine shared a photo message with me through a messaging app. The photo is of a girl who looks sick and in a hospital bed, the caption was something like (non-verbatim) "This is Jenny. She has leukemia and is currently undergoing chemotherapy. Pass this message etc. etc." Remember the chain email which became a chain text, and not a chain message. I looked at the photo of the girl and wondered if she looks very familiar. Then, it dawned on me, that the photo was really Jenny, a sick girl with leukemia who happens to be a character of Song Hye Kyo in the Korean drama "Endless Love: Autumn in my Heart". So, I replied to my aunt and told her that it was not a real person, but only a K-drama character. I also reminded her to be careful with what we share online with our friends and even family and to not believe right away. Yes, this example is very shallow... however, but the same tactic is being done to who knows who.
Now, there are many fake accounts on video streaming platforms like YouTube, and other SNS like Facebook and Tiktok. These fake accounts create content that most of the time, has no basis, only opinions that to them are considered facts. They mock the real historians saying that this history is not real and that people should not believe the history written in books being taught in schools.
It's just so sad that a normal person would choose to believe these fake accounts rather than fact-check from more credible sources. They would argue that their version of the truth is the real truth and that the ones which are evidence-based, had been studied on for many years, based on artifacts, old legal documents, and personal encounters of witnesses are all lies.
They would rather think that history is like gossip. Whatever we know now is not real, or maybe it is, but there is another reality.
How have we become like this? As an educator, it's just so depressing to know that this is happening in the world right now. Thus, this poses a challenge for me to educate more people about digital citizenship, fact-checking, and being careful before clicking the like or share button... so as not let them get trapped in the idea that history is gossip.
Kansai? Nara? What is that?
Just to give you a brief background, I am from the Philippines, and is currently living in Nara City, Nara Prefecture in Japan. I am staying here as a scholar of Japanese government for special program for teachers. It's actually a short stay because I will only be here until March of next year.
So, here is a list of some information about Japan that I have learned while I am here. Some are general information, and some are focused on where I live - Nara.
***Japan is considered to be an island country.*** Japan is composed of 4 main islands and a total of 6,852 small islands, of which some are inhabited. It is archipelagic, just like the Philippines. The main islands are Hokkaido, Honshu, Shikoku, and Kyushu. Some references also include Okinawa, however, it is not considered one of the main islands, but is considered a prefecture (like a province), which is composed of a group of smaller islands located in the southernmost part of Japanese territory (not shown in the map).
***Tokyo is the capital city.*** Of course, you already know what is the capital of Japan. Tokyo, the city capital is located on the upper east part of the largest island of Japan called "Honshu". The uppermost main island is Hokkaido. If you're a Filipino, you might be familiar with the movie starring Alessandra De Rossi and Empoy called "Kita kita". The location of the movie is Sapporo in Hokkaido. The smallest island is found on the western side of Japan, it is called Shikoku. And lastly, Kyushu is the island that is located in the southern part of the archipelago.
**Japan has 8 regions.** These regions or districts are Hokkaido, Tohoku, Kanto (where Tokyo is), Chubu, Kinki/Kansai (where I am currently living), Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu (including Okinawa). Maybe you've heard of Kansai from somewhere, because, I think, it is also a popular tourist destination amongst foreigners living in Japan and among local Japanese people.
**Kansai/Kinki region is composed of 7 prefectures.** These are Osaka, Kyoto, Hyogo, Mie, Shiga, Wakayama, and Nara. I think Kansai is like the Visayas of the Philippines. If you're from the Philippines, Tokyo is likened to Metro Manila, and Osaka is like the Cebu of Japan.
However, unlike Manila and Cebu which do not belong on the same island, Kanto and Kansai areas are both found in Honshu. Kanto is found on the eastern side of Japan while Kansai is found on the western side of Japan.
**Osaka is the largest city in Kansai.** If you'd like to visit Osaka and other areas, you have to book your flight going to Kansai International Airport in Osaka. If you're fond of Harry Potter, Super Mario, Hello Kitty, etc. You should visit Universal Studios Japan in Osaka. I've visited this quite a few times already because I was able to purchase its annual pass. Apart from this, I would also like to recommend eating its most famous delicacies - takoyaki, and okonomiyaki. Super tasty, I assure you!
**Kyoto is one of the most visited places in Japan.** Kyoto is so popular because it served as Japan's capital from 794-1868. If you happen to visit Kyoto (which you should), you will be able to see and feel the ancient atmosphere of Japan (however, you'll be together with a lot of tourists). You can actually rent a yukata (summer version of kimono) or kimono for colder months and roam around the city, visit temples and shrines, and just enjoy the scenic view. Just recently, I visited Kyoto to witness the Gion Festival, one of the oldest festivals celebrated in Japan, while wearing a yukata, you know, for the experience. That's me in the photo. :)
**Kobe beef is the best wagyu beef in the world.** Kobe is the capital of Hyogo Prefecture. Kobe is an important port city for centuries, where trading happens within and outside Japan. The most popular "attraction" from Kobe to the world is the Kobe beef. Kobe beef is one of the breeds of "*wagyu*" or Japanese cattle, it is considered to be the most popular type of wagyu outside of Japan. I haven't tried eating the Kobe beef steak because it's really expensive. I just eat like a stir fry Kobe beef which is not so much considered as the real thing. :D
**Nara is Japan's oldest permanent capital.** Established in 710, Nara which was known as Heijo is Japan's first permanent capital. It is considered the first permanent capital because before this, the new capital is moved to a new location when a new emperor ascends the throne. Nara is known for its rich history as it is the home to Japan's oldest and largest temple like Todaiji Temple, and shrines like Kasuga Taisha Shrine. Moreover, Nara is more popular with its deers roaming around Nara park. Actually, there's literally a deer everywhere you go around the city, even along the *shotengai* or shopping street, inside my university campus, or in front of my dormitory.
**Sad news about Nara.** If you're following the news, Nara had been in the news headlines pretty recently because this is where former Prime Minister Abe was shot dead while delivering a speech near Yamato-Saidaiji station. It was really shocking news, not only to the people of Nara, but to Japan as a whole. As a foreigner living here, it was really unexpected that something like this can happen. I remember my interview for the scholarship, the interviewer asked me why did I choose Japan, and my answer was because the first time I went here, I felt a sense of security, that I can roam the streets without feeling afraid. I also mentioned how Japanese people value respect and honesty.
However, despite this unfortunate incident, I can still say that Nara is peaceful. Generally, Japan is a peaceful country, and each day that I am here, I can say, I am grateful for the chance to experience this every single day.
Let's know about the "kawaii" culture.
**Disclaimer: I am the sole author of this article. Some parts of the article were part of my paper submitted to one of my subjects called Japanese Culture.**
In case you don't know, kawaii (かわいい) is a Japanese word that literally means "cute". It is a generalization of something that's adorable, or lovable... some articles also mentioned that the meaning of kawaii implies someone or something without any negative traits.
Japan = cuteness culture
Why is that? Some might think it's because of the cute and high-pitched voice in speaking Japanese... Some might think it's about the anime, some might suggest it's just their overall fashion sense.
Kawaii is one of the very first Japanese words that I learned years back when I did not have any formal education in the Japanese language. The term kawaii is composed of two kanji characters which are “可” which signifies “able”, and “愛” which means “love”, thus, putting them together means “lovable” (Sato, 2009). However, the most known English counterpart of the word is “cute”. In a sense, kawaii’s meaning is as simple as it gets - cute, however, in Japan, it’s more than just having a cute face, kawaii can be a generalization of almost anything that is considered adorable, or lovable, whether it be a human, an animal, or any other kind of stuff that exudes this cuteness.
In Japan, you can find kawaii stuff everywhere - in shops, restaurants, at home or even at the station. It’s kawaii everywhere. But what started this cuteness culture in Japan?
There are many sources that tell how kawaii came to be. According to Voyagin (2021), kawaii’s etymology dates back to the Heian period, which says that kawaii came from the word *“kaohayushi*” which literally means red face from embarrassment or guilt. It later became *“kawayushi”* which has a variety of meanings from embarrassment, vulnerability, small, and cute. These original meanings still stand today but have evolved into feelings of protectiveness, love, and care. Oe & Weeks (2020) mentioned in their article that the culture had originated from Yumeji Takehisa, an artist, painter, and poet from Taisho period (1912-1926). He was considered as the godfather of kawaii because of his unique style which features “young woman with thin bodies, big eyes, and melancholy expressions” (Japanese Kawaii Culture, 2022). He also is known as one of the first sellers of kawaii goods as shown in postcards, letter sets, and other stationery goods in his shop known as Minatoya Ezoshiten in Tokyo in 1914.
Another interesting story on how kawaii culture became more popular was during the Showa era (1926-1989) because of the popularity of Osamu goods created by Osamu Harada. Most of these goods have art influences from American comics, anime, and pop art, among others. These goods had cultivated a fanbase of the young generation such as teenagers and high school students during the 1970s to 90s (Oe & Weeks, 2020). Moreover, the kawaii culture had gained more popularity in the Western parts of the world particularly in North America when Hello Kitty, a known emblem of kawaii merchandise recorded a $96 million dollar profit in 2002.
This gave rise to articles and coverage about the rise of Hello Kitty and cute characters thereafter in other parts of the world.
Kawaii can sometimes be associated with “merely about beauty and perfection” but according to Voyagin (2021), this is what kawaii is not. Kawaii should just not be about the round eyes, pastel colors, and cute face. Though these features *can be* considered a standard of beauty in Japan, they shouldn’t be. As per Kazuhiko Hachiya, designer of PostPet software, having this idea of perfection among cute items can sometimes make people uneasy, to him, kawaii or cuteness should be about asymmetry and imperfection. This also paved the way for the concept of “ugly cute” in Japan, more known as “kimo-kawaii” which means “ugly cute/disgustingly cute”, and “dasa-kawaii” which means “tacky cute” or uncool, and “guro-kawaii” which mean “gory-cute” like monstrous. To some people, Funasshi, Chiba Funabashi City’s unofficial pear fairy mascot are known example of *kimo-kawaii,* while Nara’s very own Sento-kun is considered is “guro-kawaii” by some people. There are many varying opinions about this, but, more importantly, the culture of kawaii is still there.
Before coming to Japan, I got fond of the cuteness of characters like Hello Kitty (and friends), Super Mario (team), Ghibli characters, Sailormoon, Doraemon, etc. However, living here for almost a year now, it was made known to me that kawaii is more than just these characters being shown on television or in stationery items, I now understand why “kawaii” is such a term commonly used by Japanese people every day because kawaii can literally be found everywhere! It makes me appreciate how vast Japanese culture’s spectrum is – from the “more serious” down to the contemporary, kawaii culture that’s been a trademark of Japan to the world ever since.
**References:**
Japanese Kawaii Culture. (2022, February 11). *Yumeji Takehisa – Taisho Romanticism and the roots of Kawaii*. **https://japanesekawaiiculture.com/takehisa-yumeji-taisho-romanticism-and-the-roots-of-kawaii/**
Oe, H., & Weeks, M. (2020). Kawaii culture in Japan: A bibliometric analysis and text mining approach based on pop-cultural diplomacy and transmission into global values. *Budapest International Research and Critics Institute (BIRCI-Journal): Humanities and Social Sciences*, *3*(4), 3990-4004. **https://doi.org/10.33258/birci.v3i4.1495**
Sato, K. (2009). *From Hello Kitty to Cod Roe Kewpie A Postwar Cultural History of Cuteness in Japan*. **https://www.asianstudies.org/wp-content/uploads/from-hello-kitty-to-cod-roe-kewpie-a-postwar-cultural-history-of-cuteness-in-japanA.pdf**
Voyagin. (2021, August 18). Kawaii 101: Behind the cultural phenomenon. *Rakuten Travel Experiences Blog*. **https://blog.govoyagin.com/kawaii-culture-101/**
Flower power
If you will choose what kind of flower are you, what will it be?
As for me, I don't have anything in particular when I was younger. Maybe it was red roses at first for this is the most common flower that I see when a man courts a woman, or especially during the high school prom, etc. I didn't even realize that there are so many other kinds of flowers out there to choose from.
When I was in college, I decided that I like to receive a solitary white rose, I don't know but I guess until now, I like the idea of a flower just being on its own, no other decorations whatsoever needed. To some it may seem it lacks "presentation" but for me, the simplicity of it tells everything. So, what does the rose flower mean?
Roses are almost always related to romance. I came across this website telling what the color and the number of the rose mean. For example, red roses symbolize love and romance. Pink rose which when translated to Filipino is *"kulay rosas na rosas"* , (okay, don't argue with me coz that's true. Lol) means gratitude, grace, and joy. A white rose means purity and innocence. Yellow rose means friendship, while an orange rose means passion and enthusiasm. The website also mentioned the meaning of receiving a solitary rose which is love at first sight (I didn't know this.). Two roses mean shared and deep love, while three rose means "I love you", one stem for each word. Ten roses mean "you're perfect". I wonder what a dozen means though.
It was changed later on when my crush back then introduced me to Gerbera, a kind of daisy that's gaining more popularity now. This one's a photo from my partner who I haven't seen for 8 months now (LDR sucks, y'know.). Anyway, he was not the crush back then that I was referring to, but he knew I liked these flowers. I remember during my birthday in 2015, we were not yet officially back together (we broke up for two years, but that's a different story), and I found a bouquet of pink gerbera flowers on my work table. Oh, how lovely!
Gerbera flowers, just like roses come in various colors. But overall, gerbera flowers' meaning always leans toward happiness. Some say that this flower lessens the sorrows and stresses of daily life. Gerbera means that you're grateful and happy with the life you're given and you want to make the most out of it. The orange gerbera in particular means sunshine of life. Well, it kinda matches because my name has the "Ray" in it, like the sun's rays which definitely illuminate the world. Pink gerberas (the ones I got from 2015) mean admiration and adoration. Now, I know why I received such. Lol.
The next on the list is something that I get to be fond of because I am in Japan, and it was the first time that I get to see its real beauty in person. Of course, you got it right, it's the sakura or cherry blossom!
Cherry blossom or "sakura" is an important flower in Japan because this is the highlight of spring which means a time of renewal. Cherry blossom viewing or "hanami" is a popular activity where people gather under the sakura trees, eating or drinking while enjoying the beauty of the flowers. The sakura only blossoms for a little while, for only around two weeks, which can also symbolize that beauty is fleeting... so never miss to show your appreciation, don't wait to show it, or else it will be gone sooner than you thought.
Another flower that I was able to buy from the local market here in Japan is tulips. I got two stems for only about 250 yen! I can't believe that I'll be able to buy a stem or two because, in the Philippines, this is rather expensive type of flower.
Tulips are special because it means deep, perfect, and pure love. Just like cherry blossoms, tulips bloom at the beginning of spring, thus, it also symbolizes rebirth or renewal. In the Victorian period, tulips are also incorporated with charity. Thus, some charitable organizations use tulip flowers as their representation.
Another one that I was able to witness here in Japan would be the blossoming of the Hydrangeas, or as they call it in Japanese "Ajisai". I even went to a temple here in Nara known as Yatadera temple which is known to have beautiful hydrangeas which bloom in June.
Hydrangeas have different meaning in various cultures. Here in Japan, hydrangeas mean a very strong and heartfelt emotion, sometimes also even apology. It also symbolizes unity and togetherness. However, in European cultures, hydrangeas mean arrogance and boastfulness. This is because despite of producing many flowers, it's not able to produce lots of seeds. There are also different meaning of hydrangeas according to its color. The blue hydrangeas mean gratitude, understand, and apology. Pink ones are associated with romance, true and sincere emotions (yahoo! that's why I like pink!!), while purple hydrangeas mean pride and royalty.
To cap this article about flowers, I would like to tell you my most favorite flower at the moment, or maybe of all time. At first, I didn't like the idea of this because I thought well, this is common, but also uncommon at the same time... because before, I thought, no one has ever given this type of flower to someone... not until I received one from my partner, at the time when I least expected it - the sunflower!
Sunflowers, apart from its obvious brightness, symbolize longevity, loyalty, and faithfulness. It is regarded as a symbol of faithfulness/loyatly because of its tendency to follow the sun. To some cultures, sunflowers are regarded as a symbol of good fortune, vitality, intelligence, and happiness... and I couldn't agree more! I think this is the best flower the represents who I am - a person which booming with sunshine. I incorporate my name with it, and my partner's name as well. One of his names in his birth certificate is "Ra" which came from the Egyptian Sun god. I just found it amusing to know that while he is the Ra, the sun, the source, I am the Rays, the one exuding and illuminating its brightness. Anyway, I think sunflower is truly something that I can relate with, just like what my partner always says, I am a beam of sunshine to his life and to many other... so, yeah.
I hope you got to enjoy this article as much as I did. So, if ever you're feeling sad and blue, stop, pause for a while, and smell the flowers!
Ciao!
PS. All photo credits are mine.
There's no such thing as ready.
*"There's no such thing as ready..."*
Do you believe in this statement? Actually, there's a statement after it, but I'm going to reveal it later. Let's first talk about the meaning of this, and why is there no such thing as it.
I'm contemplating this ever since my friend said these statements back in 2013. She was a young journalist who had ventured into street photography, and eventually published a photography book. During that time, she met her partner who was also a photography enthusiast. I think it was those years when she was madly in love. We were young then, and we didn't talk that much about her love life at that time. All I just know was that she was in love with a guy who has a child. You might think I am judging him for having a child with a former partner, please don't think that way. I am just stating some facts. Anyway, back to my friend... I actually supported her and was more likely listening to her stories about her and her partner. We even found it amusing to know that back when we were in college, we were on a different campus of the same university. She was in Diliman, I was in Los Banos. But during those times, I was working in Quezon City, near her campus, and she's always in Los Banos, Laguna because that's where her partner lives. It's as if we'd exchanged.
After some years, they broke up. I am not sure of the very reason, but I just knew that she thinks she has done her best to stay in the relationship, but well, maybe, it wasn't enough. I remember her telling me if she'll be able to get married given the situation that they were in, I think her partner was married to the mother of the child back then. But well, she continued until, I guess, she can no longer take it.
*There's no such thing as ready...*
So much had happened in her life before her breakup with this guy. She was unwilling to meet other people, she just focused on her craft. I don't know if she felt and thought (at that time) that publishing that book which took a lot of money and effort was just put to waste. I am not even sure now if she's reminded of him whenever she sees her published photography book.
I was there in Makati when the book was launched. And I can still remember her very words when it was her time for her speech -
*"There's no such thing as ready, only willing."*
There, I realized, and actually related to her. She was not ready to venture into this, she was not ready to start something that's so uncertain, that will take a lot from her, that might lead to nothing and nowhere, but she was willing to take the risk. She was willing to gamble into the uncertainty. She was willing to take it all, whether it succeed or not. She was not ready, she was willing.
When I think about her journey, I also think about the same opportunities that come my way. Was I really ready when I graduated from college? Was I really ready to become a teacher when I applied to become one? Was I ready to fall in love with the same person who broke my heart? Was I ready to set aside my own happiness to get along with a lot of people?
My answer is no. I am not ready, I was not ready, at all.
However, I was willing... I knew that I was because I decided to be where I am, to do what I am doing, to go where I'm going. I was willing to face the uncertainty, to face my fears... to face the reality that I may fall at times, and make mistakes yet I can get back up again stronger, smarter, and happier.
Going back to my friend's story. We met some months after she broke up with her boyfriend that time, I still remember that we ate at this shawarma shop near the university campus, in Malingap Street. There, she told me another friend had arranged for her to meet someone. And from there, they took off. She was uncertain about the idea, she does not know if she'll like him, by her words, she said she was not ready... yet, she still went because she was willing.
And you know what, they tied the knot this June 8th in Bohol Island, Philippines. I was not there physically, but I witnessed the wedding virtually. I couldn't be any happier for her, for them both... for she had found someone who takes care of her and sets her as a priority, someone she gets along with, and someone who maybe wasn't ready as well... but certainly was willing.
*There's no such thing as ready... only willing.*
Don't you agree?
Fresh (grads) in the flesh...
Are you a fresh graduate who just recently finished his/her bachelor's degree from a college or university?
You might hear people say to you "Welcome to the real world!". Funny, because these are the very words that I was thrown at when I was in your very situation. Why is it called the real world? Does it mean that the university isn't? I thought effective learning should be experiential, it should at least give us a glimpse of the "real world" if not experience it.
Anyway, enough of the reflective questions about what an excellent education should be. I just wanna share with you an important tip in your journey toward the "real world".
**Prepare.**
You might argue that you've been preparing your whole life for this. I guess, you do. However, remember that I'm not talking about the graduation ceremony where you need to prepare for your attire, etc. I am talking about how you should be physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially prepared (unfortunately).
To be physically prepared means that your body should be willing to undergo certain differences in what you've been used to doing, for example, when you spend long nights "studying" (and cramming) for an exam. Lol.
To be emotionally prepared means accepting the things that you can't control. For example, you have to understand and accept that not all the companies that you've applied for work will give you a callback, it's good if they do, but if all the companies that you've applied for work give you a callback, you should be emotionally (and mentally) prepared to weigh which company would help you in your professional and personal endeavors. Moreover, to be emotionally prepared also means that you think about each opportunity that presents itself to you, sometimes there's an available opportunity that you might think is okay, but might lead you to so much stress when you go its way.
To be mentally prepared means going to a job interview with the knowledge of what the company is, the position which you're applying for, etc. It also means being able to practice simulating job interviews - rehearsing to answer certain questions that might be asked during the interview. You might want to ask other people about their experience, especially those who are working in the same or similar company.
Being financially prepared is also a must. You won't be able to go to a job interview if you don't have the appropriate attire, legal documents, and fare to go there. By the way, if you're a fresh graduate from the Philippines, and you need to acquire some legal documents, I've come across this FB post about you getting it all for free, only needing to present a certification from your barangay. Here is the link - https://www.facebook.com/jeromepapalucas/posts/pfbid0uLb4apBVBaxMGdGrwJ7h4JDGikkrng8zTpzUY94KQziL44jTPYWzdSg81rDmGMNNl
I am not sure if this works, but there's no harm in trying, right? Good luck!
Maybe now you're asking, is that it? I know it looks so simple, my friend, but I also know there is a fear that can creep inside your head. It is all uncertain, I know, for sure. You might argue, that I am not ready yet. By all means, take a gap year (or two) if you have the capability to do so... but just as my high school best friend said when she published a book...
"There's no such thing as ready... only willing."
I hope you're willing to take a chance, you might think of yourself as "only" a fresh (grad) in the flesh, but you can do great things, just take that single step. God bless you!
All will be alright, in time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCd1nAI-po4
I want to share with you one of my favorites from one of the most successful musicians in the Philippine Music Industry - Ben&Ben.
This song is entitled "Leaves".
Ben&Ben is a 9-part band led by the twins Miguel Benjamin and Paolo Benjamin Guico. At first, they were known as "The Benjamins", obviously because of their names, but later on, became Ben&Ben who popularized the music genre folk-pop.
I've known them since they're starting to become popular. I remember them as the band that was invited to one of my student's debutante party. During that time, I really liked the song "Leaves" because it is calming, and it is encouraging. The vocals are just soothing like you'd be encouraged as you listen to him when he utters *"...and all will be alright, in time."*
Even when this song is heavily rooted in heartbreak.
*"And in the end, everything we have makes it worth the fight, so I will hold on as long as...."*
It talks about how one person has changed someone else's life, loving someone so dearly, spending time together... but unfortunately, had come to an end.
*"The wounds of the past will eventually heal."*
This song talks about healing and reminding one another that it is not an easy task, it's not going to happen overnight, despite that, one must learn to face it, not with bitterness, but with gratefulness... not with bad memories, but with cherishing all the good ones... Because in the end, the wounds will eventually heal, right?
*"Leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees."*
In time, a new leaf will bud out... from the bareness of trees. Sometimes, it seems like there's no more hope. Like a tree during autumn, all of its leaves turn orange, red, and brown, and eventually have to fall down. During winter, no leaves can be seen. It is barren, it seems like it's the end...
But wait for a little bit longer, and come spring, you'll see beautiful flowers sprouting. How come that in that period of barrenness when it seems like nothing else is coming, and that the tree is no longer producing, it will be able to do so beautifully in spring. That's really amazing. However, some flowers are short-lived, they will bloom beautifully but eventually dies out as well. So be sure to catch it and be mesmerized by its beauty.
Come summer, the flowers may have died out but the greens begin again to sprout more beautifully and abundantly. Just like how the song says how leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees, and all will be alright in time.
It's just amazing to know that seasons come and seasons go. The photos I've shown above were my daily view from my dorm. I stayed here at the beginning of winter when I can see no leaves from the cherry blossom trees anywhere here. But during spring, I got to enjoy the beauty of its flowers even just for a little while. And now, for summer, I can see the greenery... the beautiful leaves that remind me it is time for growth... it is time for healing.
*"You never really loved someone until you learn to forgive."*
And you'll only be able to eventually heal if you learn to let go and forgive not only the ones who hurt you but also yourself. And soon you'll realize, that the tree undergoes a cycle, a never-ending process of falling leaves, blossoming flowers, growing leaves, and doing it all over again. Yet, this doesn't necessarily mean it's the end, it's a symbol of a renewal of one's self, a reminder that there will always be the changing of seasons in one's life, it will break you and build you up, but in the end, you will still stand there as the tree, braving it all, fighting for your life, and conquering it.
Thank you for reading! :)
I am such a crybaby.
Today, I cried...
Yes, it's super normal to cry, right? But, is it still normal when I tell you that I cried in front of my Japanese supervising teacher?
As some of you may already know, I am currently in Japan as a teacher training student under their government scholarship. I am one of the lucky ones who were able to join the roster of scholars coming to Japan for exposure to their educational institution and research. I am considered lucky because I am here as a scholar, which means, they provide me with a monthly stipend and I only have to be a good student, and from time to time, communicate in Japanese (I am trying, okay.) I can say that I am really grateful for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
After my application and acceptance, I realized that I can do part-time work but should not exceed more than 28 hours per week. Knowing this made me happy since I get to receive additional compensation so I can save more (or so I thought). On the other hand, when I asked about this from my university, they said that the university does not allow scholars to do part-time jobs as the amount of scholarship money being given to us is enough for our living expenses. I was confused at first, but I found this a bit alarming because I really wanted to apply for a part-time due to the current situation that my family is experiencing.
After a few weeks, the student affairs division sent an email allowing us, international students, to do part-time jobs as long as we meet the guidelines. First, fill out the form, and then seek permission from our supervising teacher, then go to immigration to grant a work permit, and find a suitable part-time.
It's so easy, right?
So, last week, I went to the student affairs section to get hold of the form, and then filled it out with the necessary information like my name, my current status in the university, my monthly "income", and monthly expenditure, the reason why I needed to have a part-time job, the kind of part-time job that I would like to apply for, and my signature.
I did not give it yet to my sensei last week because I wanted to tell him, in person, about this current development which allows us to do a part-time job. I also scheduled it on the day when we'll meet to discuss my research project.
So, that discussion was today. I had queries regarding my research and how can I conduct it, will I be able to gather data and other important and relevant information about my research from different stakeholders, etc. So, we had a good discussion, there were some things that I can't do, but I will make the most out of the resources that I have.
And then, when we were about to end, I told him I have one more concern that I wanted to discuss with him. I told him about the recent development regarding international students who wish to apply for a part-time job, and that the university is already allowing us to do it given we meet the guidelines. I was a bit ecstatic because the first I told him about it, he said to ask the staff from student affairs. This was thinking that he will allow it as long as the university does. But, I guess, I assumed it all wrong.
I told him that I've from the start of the 28-hour part-time work per week rule for international passport holders and that I was a bit shocked when I've known that the university does not allow it. I also told him my reason which I mentioned in the first email that I sent him. It looked a bit apprehensive, especially when he told me that when I applied for this program, I should have already known my current status - that I am a student, and I should work around the amount that I will be receiving.
In that moment, I actually froze and in my mind, I am beginning to accept that I can't apply for a part-time job. And then, out of nowhere, I just told him that I understand if I am not allowed, but given the circumstance that I am currently facing...
and then, oh my goodness!
...I started to cry.
While crying and wiping my eyes, and not showing him my face coz I was trying to cover it with a paper folder, I told him that this can really help me because we are selling the lot that our mother owns, and that I needed to help in supporting my siblings' education...
and I still cried but in my mind, I was telling myself to stop, and it's unprofessional, and say sorry, and stop crying.
It didn't.
I appreciate him coz when I was telling him I am sorry for being too emotional right now, he said, it's fine. And then he got my filled-out form and the guidelines from the university.
In the end, I told him, I completely understand if you will not allow me to apply for a part-time job. I really wanted to, but I don't want him to think that I am being overly dramatic over this, well, I really am. But, I don't want to give him the impression that I am just using my emotions to convince him to allow me to do a part-time job.
Well, it's over now. It's already been done. I can tell him again and again how sorry I was for being too emotional, but I can't turn back time and not cry, you know. I guess, I just showed him that I am a person with emotions, that I am fighting despite the challenges that I am facing, and that I can still work on my research without compromising it for it is my topmost priority.
I am such a crybaby. It's funny, but I will not apologize for being such.
Fix You
Do you have a song that you play on loop whenever you feel sad, and down?
This song by Coldplay always pierces my heart whenever I listen to it. Let me share with you a link to its music video, just in case you don't know it yet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM
This song is about the singer-songwriter (Chris Martin) wanting to help the one he loves overcome a struggling situation of losing his ex-wife's (Gwyneth Paltrow) father. Though this is not confirmed by Chris himself. In short, it's a song of consoling someone so dear to you that you don't want them to feel the current pain they're experiencing - the feeling of being miserable, lost, nowhere to go, broken... thus, it says "I will try to fix you."
Come to think of it, we want to fix the situation that our loved ones are in, in whichever way possible because we don't want to see them in pain. Unlike the original situation of his other half losing a family member and his wanting to fix her, sometimes, in another person's life, the pain that he/she is experiencing is a consequence of a self-inflicted problem.
Let me give you an example.
Right now, someone very close to me is currently experiencing the biggest problem of her life - she got scammed, thus, there's an urgent need for her to pay the investors back. You might ask, why does she need to pay if she has scammed herself, it's quite a complicated story... but right now, she needs to find a way to pay these investors because they were invitees of her own family members.
The truth is, we are the family members. And, it sucks, but, we got scammed too.
Last Friday was the deadline given to her to pay the amount that she promised to pay the investor, however, it turned really bad. The person she is expecting to be of help had turned his back at the last minute.
It crushed her to the bones. I saw her cry and screamed, like a helpless child on the floor... who doesn't know what it is to be done. At that moment, I saw her frustration over the matter, and I realized... I can't do anything to help. At first, I got mad at her because I got scammed as well. I trusted her, but she broke this trust. But at that very moment, when I saw her so helpless, I cried too, because I felt helpless as well. I wanted to fix the situation, but I can't because I am not there, and I can't do anything.
How can I say, just as the song lyrics say "Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones... and I will try to fix you."
How do I try to fix this? Apart from the fact that I am away from home, I don't have anything. I don't have money. I only depend on the allowance I get every month from my scholarship. How can I support my family that's been struggling financially for the longest time?
I feel helpless and alone as well.
Yes, I understand that some people blame her for what had happened, but I realized, now, do I really need to blame her too? Or what should I do about it?
"Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."
I don't wanna blame her, but I wanna fix it. I don't know how, but I know I should. So, I pray hard, with a humbling heart... to let this problem and pain go away, I can't do it on my own, I can't fix the situation, but I know that You can, and You will orchestrate things to happen. It will be difficult, filled with pain and tears, and harsh words from people, but we will overcome. Guide her, please because I don't want to lose her.
Please fix the situation, because I can't do it on my own.
It hurts to be poor.
"Ang hirap maging mahirap."
The direct translation of this in English is "It's difficult to be poor.", or to make it sound more poetic, "It hurts to be poor." as shown in my title.
Do you agree? I think it's agreeable, especially when you experience it in your face. Now, I am kind of experiencing it, without the intent of experiencing it.
It's just funny because in the last article that I've written, I talked about people saying that money can't buy happiness... but it actually can, in a way, by coming to Japan...
But what if the situation is not driven by trying to be happy but merely trying to get by to survive the day. Plain and simple. How can you survive without money to help you get through the day? If you're the breadwinner, or the head of the household, whether you be a parent, the eldest child, or just part of a big family facing financial difficulties, what can you do to get by? What can you do to save yourself so you can save a sinking ship where your whole family's in?
Yes, sure, you may say, there are more poor people out there - the victims of natural calamities who literally have nothing left, the homeless, the victims of famine, etc. Of course, I do not disregard their situation... what I'm telling you is, that I sympathize, no actually, I emphatize with them.
It's just sad that some people judge poor people and blame them for being poor. Here are some examples of the bad stuff being told about poor people:
**Poor people are lazy.** This is not actually entirely true. Though I have to agree that some are indeed lazy, many poor people are the very ones who work hard, night and day. They are the ones who do jobs that are physically dangerous, some jobs which require heavy and dangerous machinery. They are the ones who toil the land and grow the crops on the field, but due to natural calamities such as typhoons, drought, and infestations, end up not reaping what they sow. They are the ones who go to work every day with an empty stomach. So you have to think twice before you say that they are lazy.
**Poor people choose to be poor.** Who wants to be poor? Who wants not to give his/her family their needs, and sustenance? If all people were given the same opportunities, do you think there will be poor people? Maybe only by choice. We can't completely say that they choose to be poor, because there are the ones who have big goals for their families, to get them out of poverty, yet, continue to struggle. Me, for instance, I graduated with my bachelor's and my master's even, but I can't tell that I've gotten my family out of poverty. I don't have my own family yet, but still, the salary that I am receiving monthly is only enough for myself, not to build my own family, most especially if my own family is struggling.
**Poor people don't do anything about it.** As I've mentioned before when they are given the opportunity, will they not grab this? I am not justifying why poor people do miserable things like stealing. I'm not saying that those things are okay. I'll be clear, it's bad and unacceptable, I know, but come to think of it, what drives them to do that? Will they steal something if they have money to buy their food? Most often than not, the poor people are the ones who were not given a chance to go to school, again, let's go back to the thought that not everyone has the same opportunities.
**Poor people don't save that's why they're poor.** Can you tell that to a minimum wage earner who has to feed his children every day, but the amount of his/her salary is not enough for the day. Some may argue, why are poor people having more children, more than what they can support? I know that's unacceptable, but let's get back to one of the reasons why this happens - lack of education due to lack of opportunity. If they're properly educated, they can at least be more mindful of their decisions in life. Let me give another example, a breadwinner of the family is working long hours, doing overtime jobs, and even part-time jobs here and there, but is not able to keep some for savings, emergency funds, life insurance, travel fund, etc. He is still poor, because everything that he earns are for his family's day-to-day expenses.
Right now, I am in Japan, yet I still feel like I'm poor. I chose to be here, to get ta chance to look for a job that might help me and my family get over poverty. However, during the second quarter of 2022, mishaps happen. I thought we are slowly beginning to move above the poverty level, but, I was wrong. I feel like I fell into an abyss without end... I can rant, I can blame people but also, I can be calm and look for an alternative. I have to remain strong because even if I'm poor, I am a fighter. I will fight and I will conquer, hopefully, in the soonest possible time.
Some say money can't buy happiness...
Sumimasen...
Have you watched a short video on Tiktok or YouTube shorts or Instagram Reels with this audio and then suddenly, with a (sounded like a) short laugh tell you "Sumimasen... come to Japan."?
What's the connection, right? You will know when you'll be able to watch it, so I will try to post my own version of it here:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZCK-M2VE-wE
Well, come to think of it. If you'll not be "too serious" about it, it's actually true. Let me justify why money can be a tool for someone to be happy. But before that, let me set the records straight, I am not encouraging the thought that money is the source of all happiness, the Bible actually tells something about money and its connection with evil. It says that the love of money is the root of all evil. Okay, guys, it's the LOVE of money, and not money itself.
Now, here are the reasons why the "Some say money can't buy happiness... sumimasen, come to Japan." statement is true.
**Good food.** Japanese cuisine is known all over the world because of its uniqueness in terms of its ingredients, manner of preparation, and aesthetics. Back in the Philippines, I always liked Japanese food such as sushi, ramen, sashimi, katsudon, etc. And mind you, at work, whenever we have a year-end treat celebration, we would always choose restos with different varieties of all-you-can-eat food. When I went to Japan for a short trip in 2017, I was able to eat ramen noodles, and some sushi rolls, however, since the budget was tight during that time, the food that I was able to eat was only limited. Now, the budget is still tight, however, whenever I get a chance to eat out, I would always choose the ones that are authentic. They are quite expensive than home-cooked meals, but you know, you'll get what you've paid for. You know that cooking for them is an art, and you'll get to experience the art itself in every bite of their delicious, tasty food. I am gonna show some photos of the food that I've already eaten here:
*Katsudon in my favorite Katsudon place in near Kintetsu Nara Station*
*Unagi, Katsudon, and sushi... what else can you ask for?*
*Who's gonna say no to authentic ramen, yo!?*
**Beautiful places.** I am currently living in Nara City in Nara Prefecture, which is south of Tokyo. It is one of the prefectures in the Kansai Region, a place near several tourist destinations like Osaka, Kyoto, Hyogo (Kobe). Nara is known for deers, which just roam around in the park. Actually, they roam around everywhere in Nara, even in front of my dorm! The last time I went to Japan (2017), I was able to visit Osaka, Kyoto, Kobe, and Nara but only for a limited time and with a limited budget. Lol. Since last year, I've been to some places like Takayama and Shirakawago in Gifu Prefecture where I experienced my first snow.
*My first snow experience in Shirakawago, Gifu Prefecture*
Together with my dormmates, we went to Kyushu area, the main southern island of Japan, particularly in Miyazaki and Fukuoka, where we spent hanami (cherry blossom viewing).
And for the first few days of the Golden week, I visited my friend in Kanto area where I visited Tokyo and Yokohama. I was totally awestruck.
I've actually also been able to go to different places around Nara because Nara is rich in history, it is viewed by the Japanese as the "cradle of civilization" and is known to be the oldest city capital of Imperial Japan, from 710 to 794. I will show photos of Nara, probably in my next article.
**Great Service.** For sure, living in Japan is not cheap, especially since I come from a developing country. I've been staying here for almost 8 months now, and even if I am not a citizen, I am indebted to all the Japanese people because I am one of the beneficiaries of the government as a scholar. And from my vantage point, I can attest that the services offered to all citizens are truly what they deserve. For example, before coming to Japan, I was already vaccinated in the Philippines with Sinovac, but according to the city hall, they should have me vaccinated again with Pfizer because Sinovac is not recognized here. I should have, but I was not allowed to (sad) receive financial assistance from the city because of the effects of COVID-19. This kind of financial assistance is given to residents who belong to no/low-income families.
These are just some of the things that make me happy. Sure, money can't buy happiness, but when you have it, use it to come to Japan... and I hope to meet you by then!
ahem, sumimasen... :D
My Journey to the University (as an undergrad)
I don't know about you, but when I was young, I always wanted to grow old faster. When I was in grade school, I was not into the childish things that every other kid is going crazy about, I always thought, I am an old soul trapped in a kid's body.
During those times, I always think of myself as a successful person. When I was a kid and I was asked what I want to be when I grow up, I would definitely say "I want to become a doctor someday.", and then a follow-up question of "Why?" comes next, and then I would utter "...because I want to help the poor people who are feeling ill.". What a very nice answer in a kid's pageant, don't you think. Haha. Kidding aside, this was what I thought I would become, but well, fate had other plans.
I didn't realize that for one to become a doctor, he/she needs conviction, good grades, time, a good medical school, and a lot of money. Well, the truth is, changes occurred while I was growing up. When I entered the fourth grade, I was introduced to journalism, particularly, feature writing. Back then, we'll have a weekly session of "pen push", or practice writing. Our adviser would give us different assignments that we would write about. Since I was the feature writer, I was expected to write about people and places, and my experiences with them and in them. I thought during that time that I was good at writing because I almost always win in press conferences, leading to the regional level. There was one time when I won to represent the region at the national level. Moreover, I was a part of the school paper, as you guessed it right, the feature editor. So, from becoming a doctor, I switched to becoming a journalist, oh well, more so, a broadcast journalist.
When I entered high school, I still have that I-wanna-be-a-journalist-someday kind of vibe. I was still active in joining press conferences and became the associate editor of the school paper. This dream of mine to become a journalist also became a deciding factor in my college application at the top university in our country. When you apply for a degree program, you have to choose what school, which campuses, and what programs are you applying for.
I remembered that my application form was just a photocopy of the actual application form. I think we only knew about the deadline of submission a day or two before, thus, I, together with my friends went to the ID photo studio to have our ID picture taken for the application form. Since our time was ticking, I just chose the abovementioned campuses and degree programs, so I can submit it right away. Apart from that, I needed to pay the testing fee since I am not part of the top 10 of the whole batch. You know, I am just a simple individual just trying my luck in the #1 school in the country. Lol.
I didn't have any idea that the competition was so tight when I ticked BA Journalism offered on the main campus. You know, I was not the most intelligent student in my class, I wasn't actually very serious about my studies especially when I was in my senior year, all I wanted was to graduate and start a new life at a university that's far away from home. Apart from choosing BA in Journalism, I also chose BA in Broadcast Communication. Both are double quota courses. What was I thinking? In my second choice of campus, there was a limited degree program for a bachelor in arts. Thus, I chose one of the two BA degree which was BA in Communication Arts, and then just ticked what's next to it, which was BS in Computer Science.
After submission, we waited for a few more months before the day of our college admission test. We chose a testing area that's near to our hometown so that we don't need to go to the actual campus. On exam day, my friend's dad drove us to the venue, and we were almost late, but we made it still. I brought some food to munch on during the 4-hour-long examination, but I was only able to drink a chocolate drink for the whole duration. That's what I was referring to - Chuckie, with Iron and Zinc. Lol.
After the exam, I knew I was going to fail. After all, even if I did pass, I won't be able to enter my dream school due to the financial difficulties of my family. My father works as a public school teacher, and his income is not enough to send me to the university that requires monthly allowances, plus board and lodging payments.
After a couple of months, the list of passers was released. During that time, the internet was not yet popularly used, thus, former students from our high school who were current university students in that university were the ones who look for names of students who passed. They communicated the list to the teachers. So, at the end of such classes, the teachers would announce that our honor students passed the exam, and I know, deep in my heart, I will not be able to hear my name. But I don't want to experience "not hearing" it, so, I would leave the room quietly.
When I went home, my father received a text message from my aunt who was a university student at that time, telling him that I passed the entrance exam!!!
I cannot believe that I was able to do it, though, I passed in my second choice of campus, however, passed only with a degree program with available slot. But wow! Look at that! I was rejoicing because who would have thought, that not even one of our teachers considered me passing the test, but I did, and I didn't even belong to the honors list. I was rejoicing, but only for a moment because I knew that even though I passed, it doesn't necessarily mean that I can enroll.
After a few days, my father told me a very good news!!! He said that my uncle and his family from Rome, Italy will shoulder my monthly living expenses at the university. At long last, my dream to enter the most prestigious university had come true. Initially, I was waitlisted not in the BA Communication Arts program, but in my second choice which was BS Computer Science. I asked my friends, and also reflected on my capabilities, after much consideration, I forego of my slot on a waitlist in BS Computer Science, and tried on other degree programs with available slots, I chose BS Forestry during that time because, why not study about the environment, right? If I can't be a journalist, then maybe become an environmentalist.
My journey in entering the university was not easy. The degree program that I took up and finished was far from the medical field I wished to be in as a child, and also far from the track that I wished to pursue when I was a high schooler. But you know, it was all worth it.
At my university, there's a saying (in Filipino):
***"Madali lang makapasok sa UP, pero ang mahirap young lumabas."***
This means that entering the university is the easy part, however, getting out (graduating) is the hardest. And I can definitely attest to that. Because university life will teach you how to become:
Independent. As a young individual away from your family, you have to take care of yourself, budget your own money, do your own chores, etc.
Disciplined. Since you're alone, getting by, there will be a number of temptations that may break you, so, you need to know which has more worth - your satisfaction at the moment or the happiness and satisfaction that's in store for you in your future.
Resourceful. With the limited resources that you have, you should know which ways can help you make your school projects, etc. without having to spend a lot of money for it.
Friendly. You have to remember that every one of you is undergoing the same journey - living alone by yourself, away from your family. Thus, it will be nice to face the journey together.
Anyway, I just thought about my journey. To those of you who are starting out on the same journey, remember that this is only the beginning. Work hard for it, coz if you do, then, you will reap great rewards.
Good luck and God bless!
Nihon is home.
Do you like manga or anime?
When I was a kid, I enjoyed watching Magic Knight Ray Earth, Doraemon, Mojacko, Ghost Fighter, Slam Dunk, Lupin III, Zenki, Flame of Recca, etc. I watched these Tagalog-dubbed anime, but, I did not become a super anime fan despite having watched all of the above-mentioned animes.
Some people are exposed to anime, manga, and the like, so they were also more exposed to the Japanese language, known as Nihongo. There are others who even pursue a degree in Japanese culture and arts *"just because"* of their experience in watching anime. When I was in college, I knew of a certain person who really likes J-rock. At first, I did not understand what's the fuss about it, because it's like singing without understanding what you're singing about. I did not get it at all. Sadly, I was too close-minded during those times.
I admit that I do not belong to this kind of "people". But, why did I apply for a scholarship in a place that is unfamiliar to me, with a language that is understandable because it's completely different from my own language?
Coming to Japan, I know I needed to have a connection to its popular and sometimes "quirky" culture.
But I have none...
So, why did I still pursue the scholarship? Well, let me tell you about my first experience visiting Japan in 2017.
In October of 2017, I came to Kobe, Japan to attend and present a paper at an educational conference. I was with 2 co-workers who also presented their research paper. It was a 4-day conference, but we were given the chance to stay here for a couple of days more.
To maximize our experience, what we did was to attend the conference, and during our free time, went to different tourist spots around the Kansai region, particularly in these prefectures: Hyogo, Kyoto, Osaka, Nara.
What was unforgettable for me were two places - the Himeji Castle and Nara Park. I was really awestruck at how the Himeji Castle was preserved and taken care of. It's beauty is so calming and comforting for me, like, I can just stay there and look at its beauty. I was also able to climb the very same stairs until the viewdeck on the 7th floor. I heard that the story of Sadako in The Ring movie was inspired by the well that is found in the castle grounds. Creepy, but it was surely interesting.
The second place that was unforgettable for me was Nara, Japan. Although it was raining when we arrive, we were able to enjoy shopping and meeting the deers. The deers are also amazing to see and majestic as they bow down to you and you bow to them as well.
So, when I was interviewed, they asked me why do I want to study in Japan. I think I had an atypical reply. I told them that I lack knowledge in terms of language and also interest in the Japan's pop culture and its history, etc. The main reason why I wanted to stay here is to mesmerize its beauty and meet Japanese people who are known as kind and good-natured. Another important thing that I noted was the feeling of safety and security, that in this place, generally, I will feel safe and cared for even when other people don't know me.
Today, I have counted my 7th month of living in Japan. Surely, sometimes I feel homesick and I miss my loved ones, but whenever I reflect on certain days, I will sometimes pinch myself and say aloud that "I am really here." Who would have thought that in the future I can tell my kids, I've lived in Japan as a scholar of the Japanese government, I've lived in Japan and experience going to different temples to get the stamp (lol), visiting beautiful places, learning Nihongo, and meeting new friends.
Now, I can say, Nihon is home. And when I'm no longer living here, it will always be home to me. :)
How do you restart?
This article had been hanging in my saved articles for a while.
It seems fitting now that I am asking this question. Yes, how do you restart? Rekindling your love for writing is not as easy as A-B-C or shutting down your laptop or your mobile phone with just one click.
It is way more than that. To restart what you've stopped doing for a long time seems like an impossible task. Why? Because you're not used to it anymore. Gone were the days when you were driven by inspiration, (and motivated by need) that you check your thoughts and just write down what you were thinking about. Those days when you have so much to say and a good platform to share it with. Those days when your time is undivided with other responsibilities that are expected to be done.
So, how do I really restart? How do I begin again?
Down here are some tips to start again (based on my experience).
**Find what drives you.** In a world full of whims and wants, what do you truly aim for? I think that you'll be able to restart doing something when you think that there's a need for it, again, NEED. It's more than just whims and wants, it should be based on a goal in mind. Why have that goal? Why is there a need to achieve that goal? What will you gain from it? What will you do to get it? These are just some reflective questions that you can answer before deciding that it's time to do what you've been needing to do, what you're supposed to do, and what you should do.
**Treat it as a reward.** They say money can't buy happiness, I agree with that statement, but money can be a tool to find and experience it. When you got a chance to meet my younger ideal self, I would be telling you about how the love of money is the root cause of evil, and money can destroy you. Yeah, truly, it's not about the money, money, money... but if the thing that you should be starting to do can also pay you, who will say no to that, right? Do not let money take and control you, don't actually make it a motivation, treat it as a reward for doing the things that you love to do. And I tell you, you will be doing it over and over again. :)
**Don't wait, just start.** Are you familiar with "delaying tactics". As a crammer, I have the tendency to do that. It makes me smirk while writing this article when I realize that even in doing my decks/slides for class, I can't start the content unless I have a good slide template. What I'd do is to choose from a plethora of slides whether from slidesGo or Canva, and download them, type the title of my presentation on the first slide, and compare each of them. This delaying tactic can really delay me from starting the actual presentation. Then, I would realize later (and regret) that I've spent half of the day without truly accomplishing something. So, sometimes, you just need to do it. Like today, I think I don't have the energy to write another article, but I just visited that site and saw the article with only a title, and look, now I am here giving tips on how to restart.
**Don't expect it to be perfect.** Hey, don't be too hard on yourself. Since you are beginning again, don't expect everything to fit well like a puzzle. There might be missing pieces along the way. But don't let that stop you from continuing to do it. It's not gonna be a smooth sail ahead, sometimes, there will be big waves that can frighten you and make you think of giving it all up. There will be times when you might feel regret about why you've restarted something that you're not used to be doing anymore. Friend, I say, it's all part of it. Life is not always fun and laughter, there will be tears and sadness along the way. The important thing is that despite this, you still continue.
It's easier said than done, we all know that. But I promise you, when you focus first on the beginning, it will not be overwhelming... then as you go by, you'll see that you've come a long way, from that single step to restart.
Ganbatte ne!
Btw, in the next article, I'm thinking of sharing with you my experiences here in Japan, I hope you'd have time to read it and be inspired somehow. Doumo Arigatou gozaimasu!
Just when you thought everything is okay...
Shit happens.
I've not been able to write articles for a very long time since I got too busy with my transition to living abroad. The last article I shared was 7 months ago, telling you about how I'm waiting for my departure to Japan where I am currently living. It was mostly about my journey - the successes, struggles, and the in-betweens... before this very life came into existence.
Now, I am here. I came here last year, literally 5 days before the Japanese government closed its borders again. I was actually one of the few lucky ones who were able to enter at the height of the pandemic. With that I am thankful, however, coming here was a struggle because I was to pay for my quarantine expenses (14 days) and transportation expenses from Narita to Nara where I'm currently living. These expenses totaled around 220,000yen. It was no joke, I had to save up for it while juggling different types of part-time jobs as an online English tutor, content and language editor of textbooks, part-time Science teacher, and writing articles here. While doing all of these, I also had to support my daily expenses while I wait for my departure date.
And then came my time to leave the Philippines and finally be able to come to Japan. At first, I had to squeeze in the money that I brought until the end of December when we were supposed to receive our monthly scholarship money.
I was thinking of saving up while I am here so I can have something when I return home next year coz it's part of the contract. I was sending money little by little until I was able to save up for a bit.
Then March came, I invested this money in someone who I trust so much. I don't take risks a lot, but I took my chance on this one because someone I know is really gaining monthly income from his investment. So, I invested all that I've saved so far, thinking of the monthly gain that I'll be getting which I can use to pay for my monthly dues - life insurance, SSS contribution, Pag-ibig, etc.
I was able to receive my 1st month's income, though a bit late. It was okay for me coz I trust the person and I know that the income is sure to come coz there was a fund where it will be gotten from.
Then, the end of May came...
Suddenly, there was an excuse and more excuses for the delay. I was not sounding too demanding from the person, coz I was thinking maybe, this person is just busy with work and is juggling a lot of things and there's just a delay in the release of the gains... until the other investor whom I know told me what's been happening.
From that moment on, I tried so hard to understand what was going on. But it also came to my senses that... shit, I'll be losing my investment.
The worse is my investment's not so much as compared to the other person who's invested a lot and had even added recently due to the demands of the person to whom we were investing.
It hurts me coz we are family. We are supposed to help each other and lift each other up. I keep on trying to reflect and think about why we're in this mess and it seems like there's no way out but to pay the other investors who are not family, but outside of the inner circle.
I am sad that eventually, we are all suffering. Are we too reckless? Are we greedy for money? We just wanted to get out of poverty and build a good future that we HAVE TO BUILD FOR OURSELVES. We work hard to become good individuals who can provide for our families, and for my future family.
Money has always been a struggle in my family... Is it so bad to dream to get out of this cycle of poverty?
Just when I thought everything was falling into its place, life will tell you otherwise, hey...
Sh*t happens.
I'm back...
It's been months since my last article.
I became so busy with work that I was not able to make a life update. Well, if you're following me, you might know that I have applied for a scholarship in Japan, and it was a dreadful waiting time since July... Since I applied for the scholarship, I had to file for a leave of absence from my full-time job beginning July 1.
For the whole month of July, I was teaching in my part-time job as an online English tutor, but come last week of July, our Principal called me to teach a subject as a substitute as the teacher is on emergency medical leave. So, I grabbed the opportunity and taught the kids beginning August 9 until September 15, while I was having my online tutorials.
I became tired.
I lacked the inspiration to write anything.
So, aside from that life update, I received the good news that my scholarship is already final, but the date of departure is not yet in sight. So, I asked my Mom to fetch me to be able to come home and at least spend time with my family, before my departure.
I went home to the province last September 10, and I stayed in my Mom's house until October 23. That's the first time that I was able to spend a long time time with my mom and my siblings from my mom. I became close to my two sisters there, especially the youngest one. I watched some shows in Netflix with them like Money Heist (rewatched. lol), Squid Game, Hometown Chachacha, and many more. I also helped them learn their modules. It was all good.
My expected date of departure which is on the last week of September did not come to fruition, thus, I started my class in learning the Japanese language online last October 10, technically, it started last October 13 because the first day was orientation, and the next day was an assessment of our level. And as expected, I am at the beginner's level.
But I'm gonna post my updates regarding my Japanese language lesson in a different article. It's too much to absorb.
Anyway, I am still waiting for my departure... and they said that there are about 2500 scholars who will be entering Japan in batches beginning mid-October to December. I am not sure what's my batch, but there's already a go-signal from the embassy that I can already apply for my visa. This is tricky, as I am here in the province and going back to the capital would require me to spend money for fare and also for living there. I am trying to save up money because I will need it when I fly to Japan, but the COVID situation has really made a huge difference.
So, now, I am stuck here, like a helpless child, trying to survive by the day. I hope that I will be able to with the help of my family.
Have a nice day, you guys! I miss writing down my thoughts. :)
Easier said than done
Do you have a new year's resolution?
It might be too late for me to ask you now, but, did you make one last year and pledged to be doing it this year?
Before, I was fond of making new year's resolutions, but I ended up not making anything because it is so easy to write it down on a piece of paper, yet, it's so hard to actually do make it happen. Sure, I may have written once that I'd be healthier in a new year, yet, I was just healthy "at the beginning"... and then, in a matter of a week or two, the resolution is nowhere in the plan.
There are many things that I want to change in me... most of them to become are the following: to lose weight, become healthier, save up, invest, spend less time with my phone and the internet, etc. But just like any other ordinary people on Earth, I struggle.
It is a daily struggle.
I get up and plan to do intermittent fasting, I was able to do it for a couple of months, and I lost around 6 kilos, actually... but then when after a month, I was back to my weight. Hahaha. Because maybe I became demotivated, and of course, good food really makes me happy. I was thinking that in this time of pandemic when the physical connection with your friends and loved ones is so limited, why would you limit yourself from something that would make you happy and a bit worry-less in this current setup?
The desire of being a healthier me is still there, however, at times, I really get discouraged and demotivated especially when I am alone in this journey.
So why are there things that are easier said than done?
**Lack of confidence and motivation.** Have you read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren? This book posts a question "What drives you?". It is about finding what your real purpose in life is, and what will motivate you to do it. But sometimes, you just can't find the motivation to do something. There are other times when you want to do something, yet you become too shy to do it, or sometimes you think that you can't and won't be able to do it. You wanted to do something but you think that you don't have the capacity to withstand the possible negative consequences of your actions. Sometimes you want to do something but you think lowly of yourself, and that you can't make it. This is sad but true.
**Fear of failure and rejection.** Some people just dive into their feelings and just decide what to say or do right then and there. But there are also some who can't decide because of weighing all the possible consequences and all the possibilities. With this, I remember the sitcom "The Good Place". One of the main characters is Chidi Anagonyeh who has the inability to make decisions that would frequently leave him overanxious which often results in poor decision-making, or no decisions made at all. You want to do something but you think way too much of the possibilities, which is a good trait, but when it becomes too much, you'd end up doing nothing. Why can't you decide to do it? Because you're too afraid that someone will tell you in the end... "I told you so.", and you fear that you'll blame yourself for a decision that you yourself made.
**Lack of resources.** Have you heard of the Tagalog saying... *"Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan."*? In English, that means if you really want to do something, you will make a way to achieve it. If you don't like to do it, you'd have so many reasons to tell why not. My friends modify this to *"Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw, walang pera."* which means that if you want something you'd do everything to achieve it, however, if you don't want to do it it's because you don't have money. Let's face it, money may not be the most important thing in the world, but practically speaking, it is. One of the greatest factors why someone can't do what he/she really wants to do is the lack of resources and money to do it. Before, I always think that money is not a hindrance to success, but as I grow older, I believe that money is a factor in why there is a great disconnect between the "successful" people and those who aren't (Disclaimer: I'm talking about success here based on how the society defines it, by the way.). I think it is easier to say that being successful can be achieved if you're hardworking and resourceful...Can you tell that to a farmer who is hardworking yet still tills a land that is not his own? Can you tell that to a child who wants to go to school but has no parents who can support him/her? Or she/he can go to school but doesn't have money to buy food for recess and lunch and walk miles everyday just to go to school? See, we sometimes forget that not everyone has the privileges we are having. Sometimes, they want to do and achieve something, but they lack the resources, the financial support that can help them reach their full potential.
I tell you, it is easier said than done. Is there no desire or drive or fire to do it? Most often than not, there is... however, there are many factors that can hinder one from reaching his full potential.
I said that I will write here often, everyday, as much as possible... but due to the busy days that I am having in my multiple jobs, I don't know what to write anymore. I just look at the screen with my tired eyes, try to type words, delete them all again... and type and delete, and type and delete... until I decide, no, I don't have to write today... maybe next time.
See, it is easier said than done.
*Thanks for reading!*
On holding on and letting go
*Nakapag-let go ka na ba?*
There are many reasons why most people are afraid to let go. Some of these reasons stem out from a former experience or heartbreak or past trauma. In this article, I will share some of the reasons why people stay where they are, too afraid to move forward.
I can't let go because...
**I am so used to it.**
It's hard to let go of something (or someone) that you are used to do (or used to have). It may be familiar with the Tagalog term: *"...nakasanayan na kasi"*. One becomes too afraid to let go of something that he/she is habitually doing. It may be as simple as nail-biting or feeling a rough surface like a "*kulambo*" through his/her feet because he/she is used to doing this. It's as if it's a natural thing for him/her to do. In another scenario, it's had to let go of someone that you are used to having and to be with. When that someone goes away, it seems like a part of you went missing. You will realize that the person leaves an impression on your heart that no other person can ever replace.
**It is mine.**
I remember one analogy of letting go and holding on that was shared with me by my friend when I was in college. She said that holding on too much is like getting a handful of sand and clasping your hands so hard that the sand begins to come off your hands through the little creases. It's the same as when you hold on tightly to something (or someone)... that thing (or person) will slowly come out of your hands in bits and pieces... it will be a slow process until you realize that you're not holding onto anything anymore.
**I am too afraid to be alone.**
Many people are afraid to be alone... when they walk in a dark alley, when they stay alone at night, and when they get old and no one's there to take care of them. There's a variety of reasons why people are afraid to be alone, and because of this fear of being alone, they become too obsessed with holding on. They hold on to a person even when the other person does not see nor give him/her what he/she is worth. They hold on to the people that they most care about but unfortunately don't care about them anymore. Yes, it's good to hold on to hope in the future, but if the other person is slowly eating you up and all your energies, not giving a damn about you, would you still hold on, just because you're afraid to be alone? Come to think of it, by holding on to the wrong person, you are hindering yourself from truly finding the one who will be with you in the future.
**I am still hoping.**
I must say that hope is a beautiful word. I believe that there's hope and a future, however, there is also a limit to what one should hope for. There is what we call an instinct, a gut-feel, a reality. We have the capacity to assess if what we're hoping for is what is in store for us. If you are a believer of a Divine Being, you should be able to discern if what you're hoping for is according to His will or it's according to yours. Are you hoping that you'd still end up with the person who has hurt you in all ways possible - physical, emotional, mental, and psychological? My friend, check on yourself, maybe you're just too blinded by your idea of love that it gets clouded. If the other person doesn't treat you right, then, he/she is not the one. Period. You should not feel unworthy of fair treatment, respect, care, concern, and love.
**It's what I need to live.**
Believe me when I say that it's not what you truly need. To live, you need air, food, water, clothing, and a home. Kidding aside, the basic needs can help you survive and thrive. Everything else aside from these is a bonus! You can live without that very thing that keeps you from achieving your full potential, whether that something is a "someone". Mind you, he/she is not what you need to live, you can live without him/her, as long as there's a will for you to live and of course the basic needs that I've mentioned. If that something (or someone) is a burden for you to achieve your goal in life, then, take off that baggage, bring a lighter bag, or do not bring a bag at all. What you need to live is a decision that you can live for yourself, and you will take care of yourself because self-love is a requirement for you to be able to love others also, and for others to find you, see you, accept you, and love you for yourself.
It's funny when we ask for advice from our friends, and also ask questions about how to let go and then we keep on holding on. Based on experience, I know that letting go is hard, but when you learn to let go of the things that burden you and walk away, turn 180 degrees from it... and walk towards the One who says "Cast your burdens upon me those who are heavily laden. Come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and my burden is light. Come to me and I will give you rest." Let go of that heavy load that slows you down on your journey, let go, and let God do the rest. He actually already did it all for you and for me.
All we just need to do now is to stop holding on, and begin to let go...
*Thanks for reading!*
Loving the Unlovable
Would you agree if I tell you that it's easy to love someone if you know that he/she loves you in return?
I think of us would agree that it's easy as ABC or 123, it's like breathing in and out, it's normal, it's natural... there's nothing too difficult in doing it. But have you ever thought of the kind of love that is defined as the greatest?
If loving someone who loves us in return is too easy to do, will we be given credit for doing it?
Sure, yeah.
But we are conditioned to love those who will return the sentiment, isn't it?
It's so easy to love your family because whatever happens, they're your family, you may have differences and misunderstandings, but at the end of the day, you're still family, and you're bound to love each other. Sometimes, it's not easy, but then again, you're bound to do it, in one way or another.
When we have friends, we treat them as our brothers and sisters, which would eventually make them part of a family that we've built with them. You call someone your friend because you have a relationship that is built on trust and love. I think most of us would say that we love our friends because our friends know and accept us for who we truly are, and it's easy to love them because of that.
In choosing a life partner, most of us would think of a list of qualifications on how we imagine him/her to be. Most often than not, we meet someone who has most of the qualifications, I'm not saying that we compromised our standards, but, come to think of it, that list of good qualities is not realistic to be found in one person only. Now, once you've built a connection, you will learn more about him/her, his/her good traits and also the bad ones, and you will end up accepting him/her, and loving him/her because he/she also accepts you and loves you for smooth and rough edges, your good traits and even your bad ones.
Families, friends, and our special someone are people who are easy to love, for most of the time, they reciprocate the love that we give them... But is this the kind of love that the Bible tells us to have?
The greatest love that is defined by the Bible is the one that is not based on sentiment, but on choice. This kind of love is the "agape", the one that Jesus compels us to have for **others**, the one which simply can't b answered by "I don't feel like it." The "**others**" in the statement means not your family or your friend or your special someone. It means the person who you don't talk to, the one from the neighborhood that you abhor, someone that annoys you because of his/her personality, someone that you don't really like, and you don't "feel" as a person. **"Others"** also mean someone who has hurt you and gives you so much trauma and pain - someone that you hate the most, and would be the very last on your list of people to love... he/she may not be on the list at all.
Now, think about it, would it be easy for you to love the unlovable?
It's not easy. It's as if walking on a tightrope bridging two cliffs without any training, and any protective gear. It's hard, it's unimaginable, it's like a matter of life and death, am I right?
But despite this, God commands us to love others as we love ourselves. God shows us the greatest love that surpasses all understanding. This love is **agape**. Agape means the highest form of unconditional, selfless, sacrificial love that God has given us and is continually giving us up to this day.
Agape is the kind of love that was given to us by God that when we were still sinners, He loved us by sacrificing His only begotten Son for all of us. It is the kind of love that Jesus showed when He forgave the very ones who nailed Him to the cross. It is the kind of love that Jesus has given to the tax collector, the prostitute, the sinners of this world. It is the love that is given to the most undeserving of it.
It is the kind of love that we should be doing. I know it is difficult to do it, yet, this is what being radical means - to give until there's nothing left, to love until your very last breath... and to whom? To the one who is truly undeserving of it.
If He was able to forgive those who hurt him and even more - love them, love us even though we are sinners... so unworthy of Him... How can we not forgive and love the very ones who hurt us, betrayed us, made false accusations towards us? How can we not forgive and love when He was able to do so?
May this write-up give you time to reflect on what agape love really means, and why should we practice it not only to the ones who love us but also to the ones who are unlovable.
*Thanks for reading!*
Why it pays to wait...
At the brink of technology nowadays, people tend to be impatient. Why? Because we want our questions to be answered by Google right away. When we want to send a message to a loved one who is living in another part of the country or in another country, we can just get out phones, connect to the internet, and voila! make a call or even a video call. When the connection's lagging, we tend to get angry.
Am I right?
To give you an overview, I will try to answer the following questions in this article:
Are we wasting our energies in waiting?
Why is there a need to wait?
Why do we get angry when we wait long?
But most importantly, is it really important to wait? What good things can I get from waiting?
***Are we wasting our energies in waiting?***
Yes, but more on No. Waiting is a difficult thing to do. For example, you are in a mall and you are shopping with someone since you cannot decide what will you buy, you tend to go here and there and everywhere...and your companion would somehow go with you, but most often than not, he (or she) will just stay somewhere and wait for you to finish. It's not our time that is wasted, but the other person's. Put yourself in their shoes, would you feel bored and "neglected" in a way? I am not sure what you'd feel, but sometimes waiting can make us feel that we're just wasting our time and energy, instead of using it for something better to do. However, come to think, if your reason is to be with him/her, it's not time fully wasted. Spending time can be equivalent to bonding which can grow any relationship. So next time that you'll be "waiting" for your companion, why not try to participate in the process? You can suggest and make the time worthwhile.
***Why is there a need to wait?***
If everything comes in handy, will you still value these? Have you ever heard the term" delayed gratification"? It is one's ability to wait until he/she can get what he/she wants, in the hopes of obtaining a more valuable reward than what is instantly available. So, this could only mean that the best is yet to come. Sometimes, because of our impatience, we tend to decide on something so rashly that when we reach the end, we'd have regretted why did we did not wait. Waiting is necessary especially if you are to have a major decision that would eventually take its course and change your whole life. So, it's better to think it over, wait, and think about it again before you finally decide. Or else, you'll just get this Filipino saying: *"Nasa huli ang pagsisisi."*
***Why do we get angry when we wait long?***
Waiting is a painful process. Thus, we tend to get angry along the way. Waiting gives you a sort of uncertainty, a feeling of discomfort, that when you do wait, it could actually trigger your brain into becoming mad or angry. I am not saying that it's the waiting that is to blame. All I am saying is that it's how you react to these uncertainties, to these feelings of discomfort, that would determine your character as you wait. It is often said that one's true character is shown in a period of helplessness, discomfort, and sometimes, in a period of waiting. Why do you get angry when you wait? Because your time is wasted? What if what you're waiting for needs to be polished such that when it arrives, it will be the best for you? Yet you still get angry because you waited for a very long time... Why not put all that energy of being angry into something more worthwhile, calm, and peaceful? Try it, you will see the difference.
***Is it really important to wait? What good things can I get from waiting?***
The answer to the first question is a simple YES. It is important to wait because when you wait, it will make you realize that you do not control everything in the world. It's not in your hands, it's not about you. You may work hard towards your goal, but at the end of the day, there will be others who are also involved in such decisions, and more importantly, there is the One up above who holds the universe and allows things to happen... you just have to wait and see.
What good things can we get from waiting - first, the virtue of patience. Cliche as it may sound but patience is really a virtue, and it's a character worth keeping. Waiting teaches us how to be patient which builds a strong character of resistance. It helps us become more mature individuals. Another thing that waiting can give us to build trust - trusting that whatever comes our way, whatever outcome there is, you are trusting that it is for the good of you and of all. I remember the concept of delayed gratification - of waiting patiently for a much more important reward - something that is for keeps, something that is eternal! Waiting also teaches us how to be contented for what we have at the moment, to be flexible about what we can do in the moment of waiting.
You may be waiting for something right now, you might get tired of it, feel sad or angry, but I tell you, when you seek Him while you wait, you will get the greatest reward that you deserve. So, just wait (patiently) and see...
*Thanks for reading!*
Doubt your doubts.
If there's one word that would encapsulate what describes my life right now is the word doubt.
Sure, I've been talking about faith, hope, and love... but I am also diving into a sense of uncertainty. Does this mean that I have no faith? No, not at all.
Here's why:
I've mentioned before that I am a worrier and an over-thinker. I tend to think about the possible consequences of whatever decision I will be making. I would like to see myself as a happy-go-lucky person, but because of too much worrying, I always tend to prepare for a lot of options, which sometimes would also lead me to exhaustion and confusion.
Because of these varieties of options, my initial goal is becoming hazy and seems to be impossible to achieve. It's just funny that I tried all the options to reach a certain goal, yet, by trying all these, my goal got a bit distant. I forgot to focus on what I want to achieve due to all the segues that come my way.
It may seem like I have a lot of confidence, but in reality, I am scared. Also, I have very low self-esteem. I may seem to be a fighter of the struggles in life, but I actually think I have no capacity to fight over it. Sure, I am a teacher, but I have to admit that I lack intelligence. Sure, I have experience, but these experiences were made because I faked it to make it. Am I a fraud? I think part of me is, but it's not all pretense because as I go along the way, I tried to become better and better in my craft. So, sometimes, fake it 'til you make it is true, and that fakery slowly becomes a reality.
Right after college, it was easy for me to decide because I was already offered a job. I've stayed in that job for two years... sure, I've experienced many things, but I know that I have to discover who I am, and I believe that I can grow more and become a better individual away from Los Banos, Laguna - a place I call my home.
Leaving Los Banos was the first major decision that I had to do that would totally change my entire life. I left Los Banos to pursue a career in teaching here at Quezon City. Los Banos was like my Neverland, a place that's not so easy to leave... yet, I knew in my heart that I have to make room for my own growth and I have to learn to let go of a place that I called my home for 7 years. Before, I was not sure if I made the right decision, but I realized that I actually did because leaving my comfort zone made me become more independent, it has also widened my horizon... I've met a lot of people, I've discovered that I can actually teach and be loved by my students, I've discovered a craft that I know I am good at, I may not be the best, but I know that I do my best in teaching. Of course, there were ups and downs along the way, but all these good and bad times have shaped me into what and who I am now.
Now, I am at crossroads again.
When I applied for a scholarship abroad, I knew that there's a high chance of me leaving my job for ten years. I took the chance, applied for it, and got accepted... yet, the consequence is for me to file for a leave of absence. In a private institution, a leave of absence means no work, no pay... so, the crossroads that I was into is on how to make ends meet. As mentioned above, I've prepared myself for this moment, as I've applied for part-time jobs here and there, but when the actual moment comes, you'd still feel the fear that creeps in like a thief in the night. I worry that I won't be able to support myself financially while waiting for the result of the scholarship. My fear grew bigger as the day of the result of the screening came near, when I received the result that I got in, I was happy, but I was also afraid because that really means I have to make a decision - to file for a leave of absence from the institution. And I had to do it right away.
Right then and there, my doubts grew bigger and bigger! There's a lot of what if's and questions of "What will happen to me?". What if the scholarship won't push through because of the pandemic, what if there's no university that would accept my application? What if I stay as an online teacher and not be able to fly to pursue the scholarship? This might turn into gossip because some people knew that I applied for a scholarship, and then, if it doesn't happen, what would that make me?
Look, I have so many doubts and fears... but what God promised to me even at the beginning of my journey is His words in Philippians 4:6 -
Lately, my devotional talks about the many doubts and fears that are present in a Christian's life. What really caught my attention is the story of Jesus sleeping in the storm. Since He is God, He knew that a storm is coming, and He could've prevented it from happening, but if He had let the disciples avoid it, then they would have never witnessed and known His true power - that even the waves and the storm obey and bow down to Him.
So, it's true that He lets us experience storms, for when it's just the pure calmness of the sea and He lets us avoid the raging and dangerous waters, how will we ever need a Deliverer? We won't possibly even dare to call a God who could save us or deliver us. How will we experience Refuge if we won't experience danger? The tendency for us humans is to seek comfort, ease, and convenience... but it is only through experiencing uncertainty do we ever exercise our faith. It's only through these doubts that we will practice how to fully trust in Him and His will in our lives.
Remember that faith actually makes more sense when there's doubt and disbelief.
So, am I telling that it's okay to have lots of doubts all the time? It actually depends on you, if you continue to doubt even when He has already answered what you've asked for, then, that could be considered a sin already. Sometimes, He lets us experience doubt, yet, it's in our free will if we will continue doubting despite His presence. He has given us the power to choose to live in fear and doubt when a raging storm comes in or to choose to trust in Him and let Him take care of everything.
So, now I encourage you to doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs. (Btw, that's a Switchfoot song.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_3JowBpO5U
*Thanks for reading!*
________ is equal to an "I love you".
The last article I wrote was about how to respond to an I love you... There, I've discussed 4 common responses most people utter when someone tells them that they love them.
Here, I will try to put myself on the side of the one who utters the word, or more than the utterance - how a person shows love in many different ways. Here's a list of how people tell that they love you even without them telling.
"How's your day?" is equal to an "I love you".
You might look at this as a very simple question, well, it's actually true, it's simple, and also doesn't require a complicated answer. But when this question comes from the one you love asking you how was your day or how do you do after a long, busy day that you've just had, it means that he/she cares to listen to you.
"Do you want some coffee?" is equal to an "I love you".
When your partner decides to make one for him/her and asks you if you'd like it too is a very simple act of service. This could be a variety of things, not only mixing beverages, but also when he/she is preparing food or your clothes, or your shoes, or any other thing that you needed for the day.
"I am listening" is equal to an "I love you".
This is very much related to the first on this list. Whatever your day is, good or bad when he/she asks you that means he/she intends to listen to you. I remember what Toni Gonzaga shared in one of her interviews about listening which she also got from a book. She said (non-verbatim) that most people listen with the intention to reply rather than the intent to understand. If you listen because you wanted to say something in return, then, it may not be actually listening to him/her.
A "see you later" note is equal to an "I love you".
A note or a reminder that tells you there's food on the fridge, or that he/she has to do some errands, or a simple see you later. These simple notes are good ways to show how he/she cares for you. This usually happens when he/she has to go out of the house and you will be left alone. These simple notes are reminders that he/she may not be there physically, but he/she is willing to help you make it through the day even in his/her physical absence.
A hug is equal to an "I love you".
Most often than not, a lot of people would feel they are loved when they would literally feel the gestures and actions done to them by their partners. A hug can be a simple way to show that you truly and deeply care for the person you love. Sometimes, when there are no words left to say, you can just lend an ear, and offer your arms to give him/her a hug to feel your warmth.
A time well spent together is equal to an "I love you".
When you grow older and become more mature, you'd both realize that you have other responsibilities to do, and sometimes, being together physically is not very possible because of your busy work schedules and what-not. So, when you spend your time together, just watching movies, chilling, munching on chips, or just being on the same sofa, it can already manifest the connection and the love that's between the two of you. I always remember the very words of my college friend whenever we would set a date for having a get-together, the response should not be to find time, rather, to make time. Because when someone is truly important, you don't need to find and squeeze a portion of your busy life for a person, you will make a room in your busy schedule.
More than the words that are uttered from one's mouth are the actions that show how a person loves you. These are small acts of service that couples tend to neglect, yet, these small acts are the very ones that can strengthen a relationship. Showing that you love a person need not be extravagant, all you need is sincerity in everything that you do, in showing how a person means to you.
Remember, it's not how many times you say "I love you" but it's about how much you mean what you say, and you show to him/her what you mean.
*Thanks for reading.*
How do you respond to "I love you."?
How do you respond when your life partner tells you "I love you."? I have here four most common responses:
**A. I love you, too.**
**B. I love you more.**
**C. Thank you.**
**D. I love you, always.**
In this article, I will discuss what these replies mean only based on my knowledge. Disclaimer: I am not telling you that how I interpret these replies means the same to your other half. But, I'm still sharing it anyway.
**A. I love you, too.**
I think this is the classic reply to when someone tells you "I love you." because why not? It is common for couples to say this automatically as a response because it's the truth you - both love each other, thus, the word "too" is there. But one of my friends told me that she doesn't approve when she utters I love you to her special someone, and that someone replies with an "I love you, too." Why? Because for her, she thinks that replying with a "too" means that the other person only loves her because she loves him. Again, a common response that when someone tells you Nice to meet you.", the polite answer is "Nice to meet you, too."
I am not saying that there's something wrong with that particular response, but it's something to think about. After she shared that with me, I've been very careful on how to respond with a loved one telling me that he/she loves me. This is something to ponder.
**B. I love you more.**
To start off, let's be clear... love should not be measured. I have to learn this the hard way. I thought that whatever I can offer as a lover should also be the same as my partner. Under this thinking, when you do certain things for him/her out of love, you would expect that he/she will also do the exact same thing for you... But that's not the case. Each person has a particular manner of showing his/her love. You may already know that 5 different love languages - words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch/intimacy, service, and giving of gifts.
When you begin to tell the other person that you love him/her more, what do you mean? Are you competing with him/her and telling him/her that you can do much better? Or in other situations, this means a call of desperately wanting to be with the person because of the fear of losing him/her.
I am not saying that this is bad, however, what I think is that love shouldn't be measured, because, in the first place, the two people in the relationship are different in many ways. To one person in the relationship, he/she thinks that the "more" in his/her I love you is because he/she is giving way too much for the relationship, when in fact, the other person in the relationship thinks that what he/she is giving is tantamount to what his/her partner is giving to him/her. It's so hard to explain, so, the bottom line is, love should not be measured.
**C. Thank you.**
Do you feel bad when you utter I love you, and the other person will respond with a "Thank you."? To most people, when this is the response, he/she might think that the other person doesn't share the same love or affection he/she is feeling towards him/her. Responding "Thank you" to an "I love you" has had its wrong connotation because that's what society is dictating.
But come to think of it, saying Thank you is not that bad at all. Why? There are some people who have difficulty expressing themselves in words. I have one friend who told me that he doesn't respond an "I love you" to an "I love you" right away until he feels that he really does. See? He is just being true to himself, and to his partner. When you utter these words often that always come with an expected response, it somehow kinda loses its meaning. I know this is harsh, but this is the reality.
**D. I love you, always.**
Out of the four choices, this is my most favorite response to an "I love you.". It's either the other person responds with an "I love you." or better yet with an "I love you, always." Why "always" is the best (for me), because I think that "always" surpasses the word "forever". It's not that I don't believe in forever, it just means that I believe in the reality that I can and will love a person daily even when that person becomes unlovable on that day.
An "always" is like a day-to-day reminder that you choose to love him/her despite everything that will hinder you from doing so... in happiness and in sadness, in joy and in sorrow, even in hurting times and heartaches... The "always" in "I love you, always" is a daily commitment of being with the person, loving him/her until your very last breath.
There are other ways on how to respond to an "I love you.", my interpretation of the ones shown above may not be the same as the rest, but I just hope for one thing... that when someone says "I love you." to you, you should respond in whichever way that you like, remembering that that response should be truthful, honest, and sure.
*Thank you for reading!*
Why worry?
I am a worrier.
I tend to worry about the future, about what might happen, about my career and life choices, about my future family, about my finances, almost about everything.
I always worry about tomorrow that sometimes I neglect to be in the moment.
I realized that I am really a worrier because when I submitted my application to the scholarship program, I worry about the consequences of it - having to give up my full-time job because it will not be favorable to the institution to keep me if I intend to leave. I worry about my financial capacity, I have a lot of responsibilities aka bills that I need to pay monthly. How will I be able to pay for all of these?
So, when I requested the administrators to let me stay (and get paid) until the day of my supposed departure, I know that it was a long shot. I was desperate because I know I don't have enough savings to be able to get through the months. So, the worrier and the *sigurista* in me decided to look for other jobs that would compensate the salary that I am getting from my full-time job.
Thankfully, in a span of less than a week, I was launched to an online English tutorial class. It doesn't pay that much, but I started with a few, like 3 classes per day only, and gathered some regulars. But even if I have this job, I am still thinking of it only as a part-time, that's why I don't open a lot of slots, 12 is the maximum in a weekend. Again, it doesn't pay much, and I have to put a lot of effort, so, it makes me tired, actually.
Yet, I am still thankful that I get to save little amounts from time to time.
Read.cash too is a blessing. My brother invited me last year to this platform, I was able to write a few articles but stopped because I got too busy with my full-time job. This year, with the thoughts of not having enough funds, when he encouraged me to just write anything under the sun, I grabbed it and found myself writing anything under the sun, without any draft. Just what pops into my mind. Most are all my thoughts, my day-to-day experiences, my struggles, and well, anything really.
So, this is also a fruit of me being a worrier.
Apart from the English tutorial company that I applied for, I also applied to some publishing companies and tried to become a content editor or even a content writer. I did not expect that they will respond to my application until after a month, I received an invitation to a webinar, as part of the application process. I attended, I submitted the requirements and the assignment given to us, and voila! I am now a talent of the publishing company as a developmental and content and language editor.
Why did I grab it? Because I worry.
So, does this mean that because of my worrying, I was able to land to these different opportunities in a short span of time?
Actually, no. It's not because of worrying. It's more about having faith and trusting Him that He will give me what I deserve in the right place, at the right time. Sure, I believe that faith without works is dead... I believe that He allowed me to see these opportunities because He knew that it will sustain me in the coming months when I have to file for a leave of absence from my full-time job. It was His hands that orchestrated all these, and if not for Him, I may be just sitting there, in my comfort zone, just waiting for the next salary to come.
For the first time in a long time, I am relearning about two things:
Hard work - Everything comes with a price. I realized that I have to work hard to achieve what I desire to be and to achieve.
Faith in Him - Trust that He will give me what I long and desire for, in His own time, by His own means. I realized that I just have to trust Him and not let worry rule my life. Because only through Him, I will be able to gain strength and wisdom to do hard work to be able to achieve what I have to be and what I have to achieve.
I really like the song "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-g4uwQlXKw
Sharing with you my favorite part of the song lyrics:
`I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers`
`Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day`
`So why should I worry, why do I freak out?`
`God knows what I need. He knows what I need.`
He knows what we need, we just have to trust Him and do our part. Worrying will only lead us to nowhere. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.
Leave of Absence
When I graduated in 2009, I was one of those fortunate enough to land a job right after my graduation. It was not my dream job, but it was okay to start my "working adult" journey.
I stayed there for 2 years without knowing what would happen to me. When I got the opportunity to become a teacher, I grabbed it, and the rest, they say, is history. I've been employed in the institution for a total of 10 years last June.
I had little idea of how it is like to become a teacher. Sure, my parents are teachers as well as the majority of our relatives, but I really didn't get to experience it until I became one. I had my fair share of bloopers, my wrong pronunciations, and even some inaccurate information that I've taught to my students (Ooops, I'm sorry. I was learning then, and am still learning now.). But now, I can finally say that after careful reflection and thought, I have become better at my craft. I've learned a lot of things, from different teaching strategies, various ways on how to manage the classroom, being friendly with my students yet having a sense of authority, and last was being a full-time online distance learning teacher.
My journey as a teacher in this school had many ups and downs. Before I thought, to survive, I just have to go with the flow. When I had my first evaluation from my supervisor, I had a low grade! I thought it was the end of my teaching career... but because of that, I persevered. The last evaluation grade that I had was a perfect score. It was the only time that I got that score in my 10 years of teaching.
Anyway, a lot of opportunities also knocked when I was in this institution, I was able to pursue my master's degree because the institution paid for 75% of my tuition, and the other 25% was from the school's faculty assistance. I was able to attend an international conference to present my research paper, and I was invited as a resource speaker to different pieces of training and seminars. I had a lot of fun, I also had a fair share of heartaches, disappointments, sleepless nights, and misunderstandings.
At the end of last year, I realized, I need something different. It's not because I am no longer happy serving the students...no, it's far from that. I realized that I have to become a better individual and be able to provide for myself and my own family in the near future. I needed a new environment that would challenge me and help me achieve a better version of myself. That's why I decided to apply for a scholarship abroad, thinking that this can be a stepping stone for me.
I submitted my requirements and a research proposal to the embassy last February. I was shortlisted and was invited for an interview. After a week, I was informed that I passed the interview and that my papers are to be sent to the Ministry of Education for approval. They said that I have to wait for the result in June.
This all happened in March. So, I informed my immediate supervisor, and we came up with a plan - to inform our principal about my scholarship application, and to request that they let me stay until the day of my "supposed" departure. Please take note that I am not assuming that I'd get it, but my request is on the premise of "if I will be admitted..."
Unfortunately, they did not allow me to stay until the "supposed" date of my departure, but they've given me until the end of June to decide, whether I'd stay or file for a leave of absence for the school year.
June 29, 2021. I received an email from the embassy informing me that I passed the second screening. Little did I know that the final screening will be coming from the university that's willing to accept me. They said that the decision from the university will be made on or before mid-August.
Having received this, on June 30, I sent an email to the principal informing them that I passed the second screening. I thought they'd give me 2 weeks to a month to prepare for a transition, but I was wrong. They wanted me to file my leave effective immediately on July 1.
I was stunned.
I had to file a leave of absence on June 30, and start my leave the day after. I was not prepared. I was a bit heartbroken, but I already know and envisioned that this might happen. That's why I applied for various part-time jobs like what I am doing now. I started to become an online English teacher last May. I also sent my application to become a content writer or developmental editor of a certain publishing house.
The publishing companies did not respond to me, so, I wasn't expecting them. I just built and developed myself to become a better English teacher. But then I received an email from the publishing company and invited me to join a 2-day webinar. I attended that webinar and submitted the mock assignment.
Today, I received the result of my application, and they said that I got in.
This just made me realize that I've been so anxious about everything. I've been pessimistic and unfaithful. I have been relying too much on myself, that I fail to recognize that whatever I do, things will happen only if He wills it to.
I worry too much about tomorrow, but I realized, He gives, and blesses me, even if I am undeserving. Why, because He can, and He will if He wants it to be done.
So, now, I'm going back to Philippians 4:6-7:
*Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.*
My application for the scholarship is still a waiting game, but I won't be anxious, I will not worry for I know His plans are for the best of me - to give prosperity, to give hope, and a future.
So, if you're waiting for His answer, just like me. Just wait a bit more patiently, don't lose hope, because He is never late. He is always on time.
@rayselp
