When is Enough?

How do you know when to stop?

While having lunch today with my sister, we heard a loud voice coming from our neighbor. His voice was so loud that we heard him shout at someone when our apartment unit is 1 apartment unit away from them.

We were busy eating when we heard him screaming and cursing... then I looked at my sister, she also looked at me.

We were quiet.

We actually froze for a good few seconds, and then she got up and closed and locked our door.

Then, we heard glasswares that were broken intentionally.

I was just seated where I was. I was afraid that something bad might happen.

My sister and I were terrified. We were stunned.

Our neighbor keeps on shouting and cursing at his wife, telling her to leave the house... telling her that he owns the house and she has to leave. He keeps on repeating the tagalog curse "P*&@$#-}*@ &#!", addressing it to her.

I thought he was just addressing his wife to leave his house, he was also addressing it to his own son, and he keeps on claiming his ownership of the property. The son went out, we saw him from our window and he went to the other apartment unit that was owned by his eldest brother. He is the eldest son who owns the apartment unit after us, unfortunately, he was not there. He's at work.

Another adult is inside the apartment unit, I'm not sure who she is, but I think she is also related to them, maybe an in-law or something. She and the youngest son went outside, just in front of our unit. The youngest son called his eldest brother, and then he gave the phone to the woman, that's when I heard the woman (in-law) asking the eldest son to come home.

Then, there was silence.

I thought it was over until he's shouting again, cursing his wife, telling her to leave. Then I heard his wife answering him in Tagalog "Yes, I know. We will leave, we will just get our things."

That's when I realized and confirmed that when he addressed that she should leave, he was not only referring to her but also to his own son... because he owns the house. He doesn't care about them.

It's not new to me that this neighbor of mine is grumpy. It is unlikely for us to talk to him because there's a certain awkwardness when we do. I remember the time last year when I applied for an internet service provider, and when the ISP staff went to our apartment unit, and surveyed the area if it's possible for us to get a connection, our neighbor called his attention and asked him what he was doing, he did that while I was there, standing next to the ISP staff.

I explained to him that I applied to an internet service provider. And he said, that I should have told him first and that the staff should be careful because his car is parked right in front, and they may damage it during installation.

The staff told me that if they can't find an existing wire/connection, they would have to go as he was also afraid of the neighbor. I cannot blame him, for I too, felt intimidated and afraid of how he addressed us. Fortunately, there was an existing connection, and we can just use that, no need to install a new one.

Going back to m neighbor and his wife. I am not sure why he did that to her. We are able to talk to his wife from time to time, she is a nice person, she helps us and tells us information coming from the barangay about the garbage schedule, free flu vaccine, she also gave us barangay-assisted forms for the COVID-19 vaccination.

I see her as a good person, a good mother, and a good friend. Listening to how her husband shouts at her, I was wondering if there's anything that I could've done. Thankfully, there was no physical harm done, or else, I will blame myself for not doing anything.

I know verbal abuse is still abuse, and it should not be tolerated. But you have to understand too that I am just a neighbor, and I was really stunned. I didn't know what to do. Here in the Philippines, you can't just meddle in the middle of an argument or you'd be called "pakialamera" or "chismosa". But something should be done.

I am not sure what happened next. But my sister said that our neighbor (the wife) is already in the house of their eldest son. I am just thankful that she has somewhere to go, and I hope it will get better.

It made me realize when do you know if it is already enough?

Why can't she just move out and go away, leave on her own, in a faraway place? If this is not the only time that she was verbally abused and looked down on by her own husband, why does she still stay and do things for him?

I am not sure what's her reason. I have no power and guts to ask, but whatever it is, I just pray that she'd know how valuable her life is, that she has a voice, she should not be silenced.

Help me pray for her. Right now, my sympathy is towards her. I am not sure about the sole reason for such a scene this morning, but no one deserves to be treated like a nobody, especially if you're husband and wife.

When two people get married, both agreed to be together through thick and thin, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, no matter what. But apart from this promise is a commandment - for wives to submit to their husbands, and for husbands to love their wives.... and I think respect is one way to show how to love.

So, I think enough means to leave, run away, and move on when the other person makes you feel worthless, doesn't treat you well with love and respect, doesn't treat you as an essential part of the family.

Enough of abuse. Enough of mistreatment. Enough of inequality.

Thanks for reading.