1, 2, 3.... I'm counting the days.
At the end of this month, I have to make a very important decision that will run the course of my life in the next two years. If you have been reading my previous articles, I've shared that I am employed as a teacher in an exclusive girl's school, and just recently, I've applied as an online English teacher (part-time). So, what's the dilemma, if you may ask? I applied as an online English teacher because I might "lose my full-time job", well, technically, I won't because I am just going to file a leave of absence, if and only if, I get to be selected as one of the scholars of the Japanese government in Japan.
So, being the sigurista in me, I already informed my supervisor and principal that I am currently waiting for the final results of my application for the scholarship which is in June (well, this month). I asked if I can stay as a teacher until before my departure, assuming I get in. Unfortunately, due to the constraints of our current setup, they did not permit my request, but they gave me until the end of June to decide if I will stay as a full-time teacher, or pursue my scholarship. If I get in, I will be leaving sometime in September or October, and if that's the case, I should have a job that would sustain me from July to October, thus, I applied as an online English teacher.
If you will ask me what I really want? I will say, I want the scholarship in Japan. It's not every day that you'll be given this opportunity, so, I should just grab it. Also, maybe, there's a better future for me in Japan. After the scholarship, I can look for a job there and pursue a career in teaching. I am looking forward to being there. However, due to the pandemic, my hopes of leaving becomes weaker by the day.
Another thing, just recently, I was nominated to be part of the school's management pool. I've been in the institution for a decade now, and this type of opportunity is only given once. Actually, I was thinking, who would want me to be on the roster of candidates for an administrative position? I was about to decline it, yet, I remember that someone had believed in me that's why I was nominated, so, I sent my positive response.
And then, another opportunity for a part-time job is knocking. I applied as a content editor in a publishing company. They are requiring me to attend a virtual seminar workshop which is 2 days. Unfortunately, I already have a prior commitment (booked classes) on the dates that they've set. I sent them an email informing them about my situation. They hadn't replied yet.
Now, I am torn.
I don't know what to do. I just wanted to know the results of my scholarship, to be able to move forward. These are the possible scenarios:
If I get accepted for the scholarship before June ends, I have to file a leave of absence starting in July. Because I have no other source of income, I have to become a full-time English teacher, and that means more opening of slots for more chance of being booked. Right now, I only open at most 4 during weekdays, and 12 on weekends. 12 is tiring, what more if there are more openings and bookings? Also, will I get the other part-time job from the publishing company?
If I get accepted for the scholarship after June. I will have to file my resignation letter, which I don't want to do, even to think about it. I'm thinking what's gonna happen to me after my scholarship? I have to return to the school to share what I've learned from the scholarship, I have to have something to return to.
If I get accepted for the scholarship, what will happen to my chance of becoming an administrator? Will it ever come again?
If I don't get accepted for the scholarship, I have a chance to fight to become one of the school's administrators, which is actually something big, something different and challenging.
I don't know what to do. I know I have a lot on my plate. What should I do? Where should I go?
What I really desire is to move and live in another place. To experience a different culture, find happiness within me... to live happily on my own, and to see if it will make a difference to someone else's life.
I just want to spread my wings and fly, to find myself.... to go away and see what's my worth, to be fulfilled, to help my family, to build my future and my future family.
I guess God tests my patience. He says wait a little longer, my child... reminding me that it's never my will, but His will be done.
In my waiting, I should remain steadfast, continue doing what I do... and believing that He will make all things work together for good (Romans 8:28).
For now, I will continue believing in His word:
Do not be anxious, just believe that He will bring peace and understanding. Yes, into His hands, I commit again... His will be done, His will be done.
I have a special request, can you please spare some time to pray for me, too? Thank you. Thank you for reading!
