To those who were left behind...

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Avatar for rayselp
1 year ago

What do you do if you knew that your partner is happy and gay?

Okay, that's a pun intended. Hmm, well, you wouldn't be here if you're not suspecting that s/he is, but hey, I can assure you that you are not alone. There are many people who also ask the same question.

When people come out and present themselves are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, many would commend and applaud this act, as these people realized who they really are, and decide that they don't want to live a double life anymore. I actually belong to those people who support them, applaud them, congratulate them because finally, they've accepted themselves, and let themselves be known to the world.

However, it is sad to know that before their decision to "come out", they still have a partner of the opposite sex. When a woman loves a man, and that man shows how respectful, loving, responsible he is, that woman goes nuts and expresses her love to the fullest. She is happy to have a man who's kind and respectful... but when she realizes that there seems to be something missing, she begins to ask a lot of questions.

"What is he up to? Why is he not romantically involved with me? Why is it that a hug or a kiss seems to be so impossible to be given? Why is it as if there's no sexual tension or desire existing between us? Why is it that he doesn't give much attention and affection to me?"

This now begins with a suspicion.

Then the suspicion would grow into her doing an action. Snooping over his belongings, his phone, his web history, everything that she can gather to confirm her suspicion. Of course, she wouldn't tell him yet, she has to confirm first and then (probably) confront him.

There you go... she saw that he has conversations with guys, web searches of hot guys, etc. However, she was confused too, as these conversations were harmless. When the other guy asks him for a video call, (Well, I'm not sure but in their world, a video call means making out or showing each other some sexual acts. There's always a sexual connotation when two guys talk over and decide to ask for a video call. Correct me if I'm wrong.) how he turns them down is actually telling something - that's he's not there to have a virtual sexual experience, he just wants someone to talk to, maybe talking to someone who would understand his struggle.

So, there, she finally decides to ask who is the guy he's talking to, and what's the reason why they're talking?

Did the boyfriend explain? No, he got mad at his girlfriend for lurking and invading his privacy. Hmm... actually, the boyfriend has a point. The girl should have not lurked over his privacy, but what can the girl do if her intuition tells her to still do so, to confirm, ask and confront, and do something about it.

But what she did was the opposite of getting mad.

She kept quiet and accepted his reaction. She asked for his explanation, but what she got is another question from him, will it make any difference when the boyfriend is talking to another person of the opposite sex? He said that talking to these guys and turning them down is what makes him proud of himself. He said he's not like others who are just there to satisfy their lust.

Then, she thought about it... yes, maybe, she doesn't know. What she just wants is an acceptable reason why would he need to talk to guys? Is talking to her not enough?

So, what happened after the confrontation?

Her boyfriend said he already deleted that app, and they talked about it and agreed that he will never be going to talk to guys ever again. Here she realized that her boyfriend really is struggling, yet, he still chose her to be his partner, not superficially. He said that he wants her and needs her, for good.

Loving him unconditionally, she remained and tried to understand the situation. They continued with their relationship.

You might ask why?

It's because she saw that her boyfriend loves her too. He may not show it physically, but there are other ways of how he shows that she means a lot to him - through his service, through his time, through his every effort to work it out for them.

But deep inside her heart, she knew that a day's gonna come when he will come out. Actually, she wished that he would come out and tell the world who he really is, and she will remain with him and support him, no matter what the cost is if he wants to. She made a promise to love him despite everything, to stay with him until he chooses to move away from her.

Her boyfriend confessed and came out to his family. Well, his family already knew. They talked about it, they accepted him, but at the end of the day, he said he loved her girlfriend and would want a family with her in the future.

But the question remains, will it be like this forever? If she stays with him, will she be able to accept everything until the very end? She's still asking, what if one day when they're already old aged, with children and grandchildren, and he realizes that he wants to be with someone else? Will she take it? Is she willing to accept the very fact that she can never be the perfect partner for him (well, actually, she already is, unfortunately, not for him)?

When he comes out to the world, what about her? What about the sacrifices that she had given? What about the choices that she made?

What about her?

Will she not be applauded too for being steadfast, understanding, accepting, and loving... to the point that she seems to feel uncared for, unappreciated, undesired?

What about her?

What will be left of her, apart from being brokenhearted after giving it all and expecting nothing in return?

What about her?

Think about her...

Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against LGBTQIA+, I rejoice with you in your coming out. But I also want to give my best to the partners who were left behind, who kept silent, kept their secret, and not "out" them because it's not their coming out story to tell.

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Avatar for rayselp
1 year ago