On holding on and letting go

Nakapag-let go ka na ba?

There are many reasons why most people are afraid to let go. Some of these reasons stem out from a former experience or heartbreak or past trauma. In this article, I will share some of the reasons why people stay where they are, too afraid to move forward.

I can't let go because...

1. I am so used to it.

   It's hard to let go of something (or someone) that you are used to do (or used to have). It may be familiar with the Tagalog term: "...nakasanayan na kasi". One becomes too afraid to let go of something that he/she is habitually doing. It may be as simple as nail-biting or feeling a rough surface like a "kulambo" through his/her feet because he/she is used to doing this. It's as if it's a natural thing for him/her to do. In another scenario, it's had to let go of someone that you are used to having and to be with. When that someone goes away, it seems like a part of you went missing. You will realize that the person leaves an impression on your heart that no other person can ever replace.

1. It is mine.

   I remember one analogy of letting go and holding on that was shared with me by my friend when I was in college. She said that holding on too much is like getting a handful of sand and clasping your hands so hard that the sand begins to come off your hands through the little creases. It's the same as when you hold on tightly to something (or someone)... that thing (or person) will slowly come out of your hands in bits and pieces... it will be a slow process until you realize that you're not holding onto anything anymore.

1. I am too afraid to be alone.

   Many people are afraid to be alone... when they walk in a dark alley, when they stay alone at night, and when they get old and no one's there to take care of them. There's a variety of reasons why people are afraid to be alone, and because of this fear of being alone, they become too obsessed with holding on. They hold on to a person even when the other person does not see nor give him/her what he/she is worth. They hold on to the people that they most care about but unfortunately don't care about them anymore. Yes, it's good to hold on to hope in the future, but if the other person is slowly eating you up and all your energies, not giving a damn about you, would you still hold on, just because you're afraid to be alone? Come to think of it, by holding on to the wrong person, you are hindering yourself from truly finding the one who will be with you in the future.

1. I am still hoping.

   I must say that hope is a beautiful word. I believe that there's hope and a future, however, there is also a limit to what one should hope for. There is what we call an instinct, a gut-feel, a reality. We have the capacity to assess if what we're hoping for is what is in store for us. If you are a believer of a Divine Being, you should be able to discern if what you're hoping for is according to His will or it's according to yours. Are you hoping that you'd still end up with the person who has hurt you in all ways possible - physical, emotional, mental, and psychological? My friend, check on yourself, maybe you're just too blinded by your idea of love that it gets clouded. If the other person doesn't treat you right, then, he/she is not the one. Period. You should not feel unworthy of fair treatment, respect, care, concern, and love.

1. It's what I need to live.

   Believe me when I say that it's not what you truly need. To live, you need air, food, water, clothing, and a home. Kidding aside, the basic needs can help you survive and thrive. Everything else aside from these is a bonus! You can live without that very thing that keeps you from achieving your full potential, whether that something is a "someone". Mind you, he/she is not what you need to live, you can live without him/her, as long as there's a will for you to live and of course the basic needs that I've mentioned. If that something (or someone) is a burden for you to achieve your goal in life, then, take off that baggage, bring a lighter bag, or do not bring a bag at all. What you need to live is a decision that you can live for yourself, and you will take care of yourself because self-love is a requirement for you to be able to love others also, and for others to find you, see you, accept you, and love you for yourself.

It's funny when we ask for advice from our friends, and also ask questions about how to let go and then we keep on holding on. Based on experience, I know that letting go is hard, but when you learn to let go of the things that burden you and walk away, turn 180 degrees from it... and walk towards the One who says "Cast your burdens upon me those who are heavily laden. Come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and my burden is light. Come to me and I will give you rest." Let go of that heavy load that slows you down on your journey, let go, and let God do the rest. He actually already did it all for you and for me.

All we just need to do now is to stop holding on, and begin to let go...

Thanks for reading!