Being an extrovert, I have the tendency to please people. I didn't realize that until I've some of my friends told me about my tendency to do such a thing. There were moments when I thought I was being a good friend by saying yes to everything that the other person is asking/requesting me to do, only to realize that there are certain things that I shouldn't do because I don't want to do it. I tend to overthink about the other person's reaction if the request is not granted, only to find out that I was just being used, and I was too gullible to be used by them.
I want to give you some instances. As part of a big group of friends in my workplace or "workada", we agreed to celebrate each other's birthdays by giving each celebrator something (cake, gift, etc.). I was willingly doing it for a couple of years already when I realized that I was the only one who's willing to do it. If I will not initiate, no one ever will. Is what I'm doing a bad thing? Of course, it isn't... it's my nature as a friend to do something special for my friends, but if it's been going on like this for a couple of years already, something is not right anymore.
Another instance, I was taking up courses as part of the requirements for my master's degree with some of my colleagues. It's actually a fast-track degree, so we are always classmates in most of the subjects that we're taking. We also had a motto - "We're all in this together!", like that of the Wild Cats in the movie High School Musical. We help each other in doing our research, projects, etc. But of course, during exams, I am on my own, and they are on their own.
In one of our subject, each of us is required to report a certain topic. So, I worked on my topic, did some research, make my presentation. I was finished already when one of my colleagues/classmates asked for a copy of my report presentation. Since I lived by our motto, I willingly gave the presentation to that person because that person said that he would just get some pointers from my presentation, etc. Well, it's all good right, I just gave a helping hand because we're all in this together. That did not happen once, he again asked for a copy of my research paper and told me that he would just get some ideas about how to go about his... Okay, the kind person in me gave it again willingly.
And then came the third time, it was a research paper for a final project in one of our subjects. Since this final project is done in pairs, I asked my partner if we could send the copy to our colleague. My research partner was adamant about it. He asked who's asking, and I told him that it was this colleague/classmate of ours. Then, he told me that this guy also asked for his report, his research paper in our previous subjects, and he told me that he didn't give his because it was a personal output. I was in shock. That guy asked not only me but a lot of us, and I was the only one who gave him the things that he needed!
Then my research partner reminded me of the bad experience that we had with this guy in the previous years. This guy had instructional material that we wanted to borrow from him to be used for our students. It's not that we will get all the credit for his work, but we requested if we can use his work in our classes, for students' consumption - he turned us down. I realized that this guy will ask for my help and when we ask him about his, he was not willing to give any. It's as if we will be selling that material and make money from it. No! We asked him nicely and the very reason why we're asking is that he's not going to use it anymore - it was not for us, but for our students!
This made me furious about how this guy is so manipulative especially towards someone like me who's naive. I realized that there are certain types of people who will only use you for their own gain and will only remember you because they get something from you.
So, if you're like me who's trying to please everybody. Stop what you're doing. Think about it, think about yourself first. It is not being selfish, it is taking control of the situation. Before you say yes, consider what you'd feel if you do it, will you feel happy or will you feel used? If you will help them, will it help you also?
Don't feel guilty about saying no especially to people who also say no to you. You deserve to be treated with respect. You don't deserve to be manipulated and used all the time. Remember, you have the power to overcome pleasing people. If you don't like what they're asking you to do, speak up! Say what you need to say, and by this, you will gain freedom from their hands.
Do you deserve to be treated less of a person?
Think about it. Yes or No?
