Social Norms...

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Avatar for priyanarc
3 years ago
Topics: Life, Blog, Writing, Story, Experiences, ...

I have been dealing with stress and unbearable anxiety for a couple of weeks. The reason is simple, uncertainty and fear of the future. I have got a part-time small job. Salary is not high but it's okay as a beginner. new job pressure plus life pressure kinda made me confuse recently plus on the other hand, my dad is continuously telling me when you gonna get married. Honestly speaking, I don't have the answer.

Right now, I am surrounded by many situations and circumstances, so it's difficult for me to do family planning and my life is not stable yet. This question is common in my culture, if you are an adult but unmarried, you have to face this question: when you are going to get married? Your life will be settled down. And if you are married then the question will be when you gonna have babies? Nobody ever asks me what I exactly want for myself, it seems like marriage is the solution to everything.

Every night I go to bed with a lot of anxiety and every day morning I woke up with stress. I try to avoid family pressure but sometimes I can't. Some people advised me that if your life is unsettled, you should get married for settlement. Personally, I think marriage is a responsibility, it's not only a relation, but it's also a lifetime bonding.

In my culture, marriage is not only the bonding between two people, it's about bonding and relationship between two different families. It's scary for me because I am not ready for taking such big responsibility.


“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche


I wish I could have explained or write the entire situation more elaborately. I am hearing this same question for the past 5 years and I am kinda tired of answering the same question every single day. My thoughts and ethics are different and that's why I had arguments with so many people especially with family members before.

I always take a stand for myself and I explained before that, I feel it's better to be single rather than carrying a broken marriage. If I am not ready for marriage, how I can take such a big responsibility? Anyway, as I have said, marriage is mandatory in my society and it's mandatory to have kids otherwise society will abandon you and will consider you weak. That's why I left my society a way behind but my society norms haven't left me yet...

I know this argument will continue and I just wish a well-being life for myself. The last time, I was in depression, I don't wanna go back to the same condition. It's hard to avoid when you are related and connected with the social norms, I am trying to go with the flow. I wanted to be an independent girl and I have achieved that. I dared to chase my dream and still I have to go a long way.

One day hopefully I will find a compatible person for marriage. All I know that this is not the right time for me to get married...


“I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.”
― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society


Love

Priyan

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Avatar for priyanarc
3 years ago
Topics: Life, Blog, Writing, Story, Experiences, ...

Comments

Yeah, it’s sad that people think that women are made for marriage and kids. Like, girl, if you don’t want marriage and kids, I support you. Rarely that people see the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother and if you’re not ready for it, don’t.

That’s why it’s called norms, it’s the normal but it doesn’t mean it’s right.

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3 years ago

Exactly...

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3 years ago