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There is a phrase that I come across a lot on social media and in some columns these days, and we can say that it is an advice that people who are especially interested in personal development focus on: don't complain!
It is a suggestion that tells that when we are forced, tired, bored of doing something, constantly complaining, grumbling, complaining makes things worse, that the negative feelings of the person are reinforced, and that listening to complaints is a boring experience for the listener.
I must admit that at first this suggestion did not bother me. I even tried to apply it to my own life, because really, complaining neither reduced my burden on that job, nor could the people I complained find a permanent solution for me. It was also possible that I was perceived as someone who constantly complained and complained from the outside.
However, one day, when I was really tired and bored, I realized that I was forcing myself to act in the opposite direction of my need. I wanted to call a friend and say "I'm so tired, I'm having a hard time coping with this situation", but I held back because I shouldn't complain.
I observed that this caused me more stress, and from a professional point of view, I realized that this motto of "don't complain" is not a very correct direction.
Think about it, you had a very difficult day at work, a lot of setbacks, you were tired, and you had a lot of negative emotions. You came home tired, fed up and angry. But life is hard, everyone is running around, they are tired, complaining will not solve anything, so you have to keep your experiences and feelings to yourself, pretend not to reveal anything to your spouse / friend / parents all evening, and hold yourself not to complain.
In addition to all the troubles inside you, you should also spend energy on it. This option makes me feel stuck even while talking about it.
While working in the field of mental health, one of the most basic points we focus on is our emotions. Recognizing, noticing, discerning and expressing our emotions…it is very healing, this is our healthy way of being. When we suppress our emotions, ignore them, try to hide them from others and turn them into other emotions, we encounter pathologies such as anxiety disorders and depression in the long run.
For example, when we get angry with someone we think is wrong to be angry with (as a human, we can get angry at everyone, we cannot censor our emotions), we can ignore this anger directly because it is not an allowed emotion, we can notice and suppress it, if we cannot cope, we can direct it to someone else, or we can live inside and try not to show it outside. . In the long run, emotions that are suppressed or not processed in this way begin to wreak havoc on our inner world.
However, if we realize our emotions, accept them and share them, we will be able to handle and process our negative emotions in a healthy way, especially without accumulating them. Just expressing it is enough for us to "heal", "overcome", "relax" in some situations. Especially if there is someone who listens to us without judgment and tries to understand our feelings.
The motto of "don't complain" is somewhat objectionable in these respects. Talking about our experiences, expressing our feelings and being understood when we are forced, bored and tired actually lightens our burden and gives us strength.
Our negative emotions have less influence on us and we can deal with the situation more easily. As long as we know how to express our feelings and there is someone who listens to us emphatically without judging or giving advice.
When we talk about our feelings and feel that it is understood, we are kind of discharged about that issue and our need to complain lessens. If we can express ourselves correctly, if we can recognize our emotions, and if there is someone listening and trying to understand us, our need to complain disappears.
Because every complaint is actually a call for understanding and support. We assume that people who are constantly complaining and being told have a deeper need for these issues. In order to understand and show that we understand, we must learn to listen to the other person empathetically.