Parent in the virtual age

On the one side, there is a social imperative to be a perfect mother or father, on the other, a reminder of a psychologist that there is no ideal formula for education, and there is also a desire to find the best kindergarten, the best teacher, the best coach…

Parents are confused. When I was a kid, the main "advisors" in raising a child were parents and grandparents. When kids start to go to school, the teacher takes the role of "third parent". Everything was simple, we knew what are our obligations, what are our rights.

Today, parents are facing a paradox - there have never been more books on scientific and popular psychology about raising a child, and parents have never been in a bigger dilemma about how to raise their children. Before the alarm sounds, modern parents usually receive messages from a Viber group through which they are informed that the teacher will give a checklist and question the multiplication table. When they wake up and open their "window to the world" or "Facebook" or "Instagram", parents are offered the latest books in popular psychology, and on the way home from work on the radio they usually listen to a lecture by a psychiatrist or pediatrician who talks about the benefits or defects in vaccination or corporal punishment. Modern parents encounter the so-called paradox of choice, which in translation means that people faced with a large number of possibilities are becoming increasingly confused and indecisive. In addition, today there is a strong social imperative to be the perfect parent. Because, how not to be perfect with so much advice, books, internet, social networks, psychologists, life coach… It is forgotten, however, that psychology is not an exact science and that there are no universal formulas that guarantee that a child will be great if he is brought up in a certain way. The idea is constantly being imposed that the child is plasticine from which, with the help of correct sculpting, a fantastic figurine was obtained. It is forgotten that a child is a "product" of genes and the environment, and research done on identical twins, separated after birth and raised in completely different conditions shows that they achieve more or less similar results in life, regardless of the upbringing, social environment in which they grew up and the quality of education they had. Parents are constantly sent messages of the type - if you read a certain book, attend parental coaching, or send a child to a certain activity, you will get the perfect child.

Many parents are so exhausted in trying to control all aspects of their child's life - from choosing the best kindergarten, the best teacher, the best coach - that they often do not have time to enjoy parenting. Living in the narcissistic environment of social networks, in which there is imperative to share every success on "Facebook" or "Instagram", they become frustrated when they see that another child get a medal in rhythmic gymnastics or received an award for the best composition in French. The biggest change in parenting occurred with smartphones, small computers that perform more than 50 functions. Phones have replaced TVs that played the role of "baby sitters" in a family that occupies children's attention, and children have been given a window into a world that has become more interesting than the world itself via mobile phones. Because of that, they started retreating to their rooms, which suits the parents themselves, because they are afraid for the safety of their children. Modern research shows that members of the "son-in-law" generation spend as much as seven hours with the phone, and only two with people - the consequence of which is an increase in anxiety-depressive disorders and a lack of social skills. However, parents are also the ones who spend most of their time on social networks where they watch what happens in other families and how other parents raise their children.

Parenting has become digital - moms and dads no longer have time to go to school, but that is why they have an insight into the electronic diary and grades of their child. However, I think that the biggest change was in the attitude towards school. In the past, parents and teachers were allies, and today parents are allies with their children.

In all that chaos, I am confused, but I try to find some balance between technology and good old methods of raising a child. Sometimes, the only I can say is: "Let`s pray for our children".