Can we change someone?

I have got into marriage with the hope that everything will be great, fine, like in a fairy tale. Really, I can not say any bad word about that start. I started a new life from the root. New town, new friends, new job, a new relationship. We were living together, everything was fine. But, with time, I recognize some signs that something is wrong.

Shortly, I find out that my husband is a drug addict and drug dealer, too. I will not bother about those details, because we all know how life can be with a person like that. Because I am a fighter and because I loved him, I wanted to change him.

But, can we change someone if he doesn`t try? No way, but I was persistent to keep up our marriage. I spoke with him day and night, told him to stop ruin himself. It didn`t help. After one life dangerous situation, he started thinking to change his way of life. But, his situation needed professional help. We went to the doctor, made an appointment, she started to work with him. After a few days, it was a little better. Then, again the same story.. I felt like in a vicious circle. Without exit. I tried so much, talk to the therapist almost every day. She helped me to be stronger, to learn how to talk to my husband, how to overcome that situation.

Those days I find out that I am pregnant. Happiness, sadness, trepidation for furder life.. a hundred feelings were mixed in me. The biggest wish, to have a child, is coming true, but under the shadow of the situation with my husband. After he finds out that he will become a father, he decided to go to medical treatment and that gives me new hope. He goes to another town to get professional help, I stay home.

Healing is finished, my husband comes home as a new/old man. Everything is fine, my pregnancy goes well, we think about a name for the baby, arrange the room for him, and other things future parents do.

But, (there is always some "but"), the bad thing is that the old friends of my husband back. I knew it will not be good. And I was right, unfortunately. The same story about vices starts again. And again, I ask for professional help. Again, no results. Because of my pregnancy, I decided to back to my parent`s house to find peace. My husband prays me to go back to him, promises that he will change, promises he will not hang out with old friends, but I don`t have the nerves for a new circle of vices, stresses, and problems. I decided to stay in my born town, at my parent's house, and hope he will learn the lesson. I thought that he will change not because of me, but because of the future child. That has not happened.

One day, the mother of my husband calls me and tells me he is dead. Deep in my soul, I knew that will happened one time. And I knew I can not change him no matter how much I tried. God is my witness that I do my best to help my husband. Unfortunately, I did not succeed because HE doesn't want to change himself.

So, remember: people around us, friends and family can help us when we have a problem. Doctors can help, too. Everything can be fixed, but if YOU want. At first, YOU must have a will to change yourself, to help yourself. And you should be happy if you have people who want help in that process. But, if YOU don't want to change, everything falls into the water.

My advice for this time and the lesson from this true story is to not lose time, nerves, and energy to help someone who doesn't want to change. That is loosed battle. I learn this from my experience, and I wanted to write it. Maybe it will helpful for someone.