[POV] I still stalk him online

Let me begin with the word "sayang."

Sayang is a Filipino word that translates to "waste." You squandered all of our time together. Every time I think back on those times, the only word that comes to mind is "sayang." Maybe I wasn't enough for your pure and genuine love. Perhaps I didn't meet all of your expectations, which prompted you to do the things that hurt me.

"Sayang at Nagkulang," those words replay in my head, and I wonder what went wrong between us. What happened to the times when we could laugh, brainstorm, share ideas, and even buy a home together?

I was cuddling myself with a pillow in a bed we used to share. Listening to songs that made you scream and get hyped up, staring at the monitor and wondering, "Can we still be together?" "Everything happens for a reason," they say, but what reason? What prompted you to take those actions? Why did you decide to take those steps?

Let me go back to the word "sayang"

It's such a waste that even after the longest time together, you still choose to betray me, and I hate myself for still wanting you despite what you've done to me. It's been almost three weeks since I told you to enjoy your single life, but your shitty behavior still randomly crosses my mind, at work, at school, in different places, everywhere.

As I write this letter, which I know will confuse anyone who reads it, I hope that whatever you see and read will be kept to yourself because I don't want to make this an issue. All I wanted was peace, and I'm hoping that by keeping things light and breezy, I can still protect it.

Perhaps this confession will end up destroying someone's reputation, but who knows? I can't just keep this to myself and bear all of my burdens while you're having fun with your girls who think you're faithful. That's amusing, because if you were, I doubt I'd end up writing this one. As another month of the year comes to a close, I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. I don't want to despise you for everything you've done. I want to associate all of the happy times we had with the phrase "never again."

Meeting you will never be a waste of time. It was my choice and I hope that we will never cross each other's paths again in the future.

Advance Happy Birthday!