[POV] I Make Myself Busy for Nothing
After weeks of grief and pain, it takes time to let go of someone before we can finally move on and begin the next chapter of our lives. In my case, it's only been a month since the two of us finally split up, and the last time we saw each other was on February 1st.
I never stopped crying during the first month of goodbyes, pains, confusions, and questions. I never imagined I'd be in this much pain for the first month of the year. Well, life is unpredictable, and I remember praying for peace of mind and happiness, so I guess I can get it by completely letting him go.
There are various ways to move forward, and my current one was a little different and exhausting: I kept myself busy for no reason.
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Being overly busy can be exhausting and stressful; you have a massive to-do list and so little time to complete it all. Is this, on the other hand, a self-inflicted condition? Taking up all of your time with tasks can also be a way to avoid dealing with difficult issues in your life, such as family issues or a relationship breakdown. Some of us use our busyness to avoid dealing with difficult emotions. We are left with our thoughts and emotions when our minds are not occupied by a task, a social event, or work. Many people feel uneasy and anxious in this space because it forces us to confront difficult emotions or thoughts.
Being busy can help us forget things and focus our attention for the time being before dwelling on the pain that has been inflicted on us. Is that, however, healthy? Is it possible to forget if we avoid sadness and pain? Or will it simply prolong the agony and pain?
I'm sorry for those who can relate, but it helps me forget things while also prolonging the agony. I'm not sure, but it just happened to me and it always works. False optimism, on the other hand, does not always help. We've all seen how, even when we're trying to console someone, we end up destroying the momentum by saying positive quotes that, most of the time, ruin the moment for the person. It does prolong the agony in such a way that, for a brief moment, we heal them, and for the rest, they must deal with it on their own.
When we speak of "false positivity," we are referring to toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is characterized by the dismissal of negative emotions and the response to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. It stems from an uncomfortable relationship with negative emotions. It is frequently well-intentioned, but it can lead to alienation and a sense of disconnection. Toxic positivity is fleeting. It's a false reassurance, similar to someone telling you that "everything happens for a reason" after your grandmother dies or that "everything will work out" after you lose your job and apartment and are forced to relocate.
How do we stop toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity can be stopped by making it clear what you expect from another person. You must always allow yourself to feel your feelings, and allow others to share theirs without the need to fix them.
We want to make someone feel better with toxic positivity, but it usually has the opposite effect; it silences the other person. If you want to cheer someone up, make sure not to feed them toxic positivity. Allow them to be negative because time will bring them enough positivity to carry on and move forward.
