[POV] Dreams
How could you do this to me? A question that keeps on repeating in my head after a month of wondering? Here I am, writing about how you both ruin my sanity. Everything begins with a simple message, but in a private conversation.
*The secret message feature on social media allows users to communicate in a completely private and closed-off chat. Secret Conversations allows two friends to communicate in an encrypted space that no one else, including the application, can see.
It actually went well, as I attempted to investigate by reviewing your account. I had panic attacks and palpitations that I don't want to go through again. But here I am, pursuing this article, hoping to finish it without reliving the pain I once felt from you.
You said hello, asked how your day was, and engaged in some cliched conversation that gave me heart palpitations. It was cringe-worthy when you mentioned eating dinner and saying that you could still talk to her while eating or charging. To that point, I recall when I had my own breakdowns and challenges and asked for your assistance. You said you're sorry because you're busy. What are you up to? Talking to another girl solely for the purpose of satisfying yourself? I tried talking to them during my panic attacks, asking for help, but no one ever responded. I really needed you at the time, but where have you been? You've gone to someone else's crib to be happy because you're tired of me always stressing you out and talking about my past traumas and anxiety, which were undoubtedly caused by you.
You messaged her the photo, which I assumed that was only meant for me to see. I had no idea you'd share it with her just to read her compliments on your new look. And I had no idea you had your conversation on another app, which is a popular platform for other women, secret love affairs, and other such things. Though I never considered it that way, that particular application has provided me with convenience when it comes to academic matters and the crypto world. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to discover your conversation in another conversation, but that doesn't mean I'll ignore it this time. You had your chance to regain my trust, but you shattered it while breaking my heart for the nth time.
They say that love is much sweeter the second time around. It depends on whether you're both committed to your relationship. For the nth time, it turned out that I was the only one who was committed. What frightens me the most? I'll wake up one day and realize I don't care about anyone anymore because I'll just overthink that they'll do the same thing, repeat scenarios, and then I'll be miserable again.
----------------
Never have I dreamed about us staying together until we're gray and old, never have I stared blankly in space thinking about me walking down the aisle with you as my future husband.
It's kind of funny how I have those dreams with all of my previous relationships except for you. Because even when I'm sleeping, all I can think about is how you cheated and betrayed me with that girl.
