Past is not always the “PAST”

Today is just another exhausting day where I did my daily routine, but now with extra works to do. My pregnant sister and her husband will move into our house because my sister will give birth soon and she needed our help. Since yesterday, we have been cleaning and organizing our rooms for it will be their room soon. We changed the walls and remove all unnecessary things as well as all the dusts there.

Today was our day 2 of cleaning which means, more works to do since all our stuffs was in our balcony. My mother also cleaned their room and changed the walls of their cabinet because it have been there since ages. You know those wooden cabinet of 90’s.

In the morning, I’ve cleaned our room and apply floorwax too. I also organized my school stuffs and crochet materials. It’s been a while since I last organize my things. It’s such a mess. There are lots of used papers that doesn’t even have values at all. So, I just took it out and separated it from the others.

Upon organizing, I suddenly saw the things I used to use before. Out of nowhere, I reminisced all my memories. I thought it was all in the past, but in one glance, everything in the past returned. I just wanted to go back to the past, all at once.

Rubik’s Cube

            I still remember the first time I got addicted on rubik’s cube. It was my senior high school days. My friends suddenly brought a rubik’s cube in our school and I got addicted so I bought one too. It was about $1.00 and you can already have one good cube. On my 18th birthday, my mother gave me this strange looking rubik’s cube. I even told her, “Seems like you don’t want me to solve this cube”. After my party, I spent my time working on that cube and even brought it at school. My classmate was the first one to solve it, and I had to asked him to teach me how. Sooner, I finally got the technique and was able to solve it even when the blindfolds are on.

Panda bear

            I don’t exactly remember how I got this Panda, but it has a name on it, “LUCKY”. I somehow have some flashbacks on it, but it seems that my mind is forcing me not to remember it. I feel like it came from my previous relationship which did not end good, but it’s like something else. I felt something is missing on me.

Headbands

            As a girly girl, you know. I love stuffs like these. It reminds me of my elementary and secondary days when make-ups are not the trends but huge designed headbands and varsity jackets. Oh! Everyone seems so innocent on those days. We don’t have to impress others just to be likable. Everything was so simple, isn’t it? When written love letters was the things for boys. I admit that I also wrote letters and received some. We can really see the efforts there which is somehow difficult to see nowadays.

Diaper clips

            I don’t exactly know what this is called, but I’m sure you’ve already seen one. It was a clip used before to clip the alternative diaper for babies. Alternative diapers are called “lampin” where it is made of a plain white cloth, maybe used t-shirts and assemble it like a diaper. Maybe some of you don’t know it if you live in a rich family. But if you know this and already used, comment down below! ❤️

            I remembered that my hands have been clipped by this clip several times when I try changing my sister’s diapers. It’s been 14 years already, but this clip has not yet rusted. My mother even told me that “today’s clips was not as good as before”. Look at this clip, it seems new.

Domino

            This game is the game my father and I used to play. He even taught me tricks on how to win on this game. It was when we are in our small old house because right now, we are living on a more spacious house than before. Before, we used to play this every night as well as “unggoy-ungguyan” using cards and playing chess. I’ve learned everything from him. I even asked for his techniques when I was about to compete on chess during my elementary days, with my Uncle Teacher as my coach. But everything seems to change now. We don’t play anymore because of some reasons that kept me a distant from him.

Teddy Bears

            I REALLY LOVE TEDDY BEARS! They are my best friends. When I am still the youngest, I was surrounded by teddy bears when I am sleeping. I don’t sleep well when I don’t have any stuff toys beside me. My mother even bought me a life-sized teddy bear, but I don’t know where it is right now. You see, teddy bears knows everything about me if you know what I mean. I used to say everything to my stuff toys. They know me more than I know myself.

My first cellphone

            It was year 2016 when I got my first cellphone. My mother and I made a bet – If I got the first place on my completion, she would buy me a new cellphone. It was when I was on my 10th Grade in high school. That was my first ever cellphone and I didn’t even expect to receive it. Unfortunately, it didn’t last for so long because my sister accidentally dropped it in the water.  I even cried because of it. So, for several days, I don’t have a phone. Thankfully, it’s vacation day because it would be so hard if I was already on my 11th Grade because I needed a mobile phone. Since I really needed it, my brother lend me his other phone, so I still have something to use.

I’ve seen lots of things that reminded me of my past, but I think I don’t need to show it all. I just feel like I left something in my past. Maybe regrets? Or expectations? Disappointments? Or whatever it is, I still have that little space I need to fill in. I don’t know but there’s something that pushes me to reminisce all these memories I have.

That’s why, no one can say that past is past because no matter how hard you tried to forget about it, no matter how hard you avoid it, it will always come back to you, expected or unexpected. You can never avoid the things that have been with you in the past, but you have the choice whether just leave it in the past or live with it.

No matter what your past is, it took a great part of who and what you are right now.