Independency is not easy

Growing up, I wanted to do a lot of things. I wanted to do the things I saw, I wanted to visit places, I wanted new experiences. Thinking about this, only one thing came up to my mind – I need my own independent life.

Going through college, I experienced being independent as I don’t have that much dependency when it comes in my social life. I learned to do things I thought I can’t and it’s kind of amazing to accomplish it. This kind of independency is what I call semi-independency as I still need to depend on my family when it comes to my decision-making and in terms of financial support.

After graduating college, I decided to live apart from my family as I need to concentrate on the upcoming board exam. I started last June and it’s my second month this July. The first days were easy, but I didn’t realize how hard it could be.

Living apart from the people you used to be with is just like going outside your comfort zone. You think you can, but you can’t. It’s tolerable at the beginning but once you realize how far you are from them, you can’t.

I have this schedule wherein I allotted Sunday as my rest day and family day that’s why I go home every Sunday. However, there are times when I need to go home because of some important occasions to celebrate. But moreover, I told myself not to go home unless it’s important and needed.

The thought of being independent is easy compared when you are already at it. I remember the days I wanted to live apart from my family, but now, I’m slowly regretting and realizing that not everything is great just like I thought it would be.

I have this one night when I can no longer hold myself. I really had a breakdown, and the rooftop knows about it. I cried a lot, without anyone knowing. It was may safe place. I found peace and quietness there, together with Mayon. She had witnessed everything.

What independency feels like?

It feels like you are both the mother and the father of your own self. You got to decide on your own and live a life you always wanted. It feels like you grew your own wings which you can use to fly and discover things. It can also boost your self-esteem as you will no longer depend on others – basically just living and doing what you wanted to do. However, being independent can also make you feel depressed, anxious, and afraid especially when you are used in having companion and buddy all through your life. You got to learn things on your own.

But life is this. No matter how hard we try retaining things the way they are, change won’t allow you. Wherever you hide, it will come to you. You can’t avoid it, but you can deal with it. As they say, change is the only thing that is constant. We can never do about it, but you can write your own story.