Is it really a happy day?
It was a nice day yet a memorable one. The weather didn't join me today. I having mixed emotions as of now. I don't know what to feel - either be sad or be happy. Being left behind was one of the most painful event in our life - leaving without any notice. It's shocking, hard to accept, and there will be a time where we even question God's existence. "Is He real?", "Why did He let this happen?", "What did I do wrong?". Lots of questions but no one can answer.
So today is my grandfather's 6th death anniversary. He is my mother's father. It's been 6 years but the wound is still fresh. I still remember before, I am still in elementary, he used to give me 20 pesos as my "baon". That time, 20 pesos is already a huge amount for a student like me. During lunch time, he will wait for me in the terrace and I will have lunch with him. Before I go to school, he will put a towel at my back to avoid getting perspired too much. In the afternoon, he will prepare our meryenda and will have it together. It was his everyday's routine that's why I really cried a lot when I knew he was nearly facing death.
So, today I decided to visit him in the cemetery. The weather was so nice which I think made me cry a little more. It feels like he is watching me from heaven and want me to know that he is already fine and that I should be fine and happy too. I can feel him and I badly miss him. He might not be a perfect tatay, but he's the best for me. From our house, it will be a 20-minute drive using a motorcycle. I was accompanied by my partner because my family is busy doing their works.
This is the cemetery. I don't know but I feel solemn when I am here. I want to greet every grave I have passed on. Saying "makikidaan lang po" and such. Remember that they might not be your relatives or you might not know them, we shall still give them respect as we walked along their graveyards. The sky shines so bright today. It lessened my pain and made me more relaxed and comfortable. I know Tatay is guiding me all the way.
These are my grandparents. My grandmother (Rosario B. Rodulfo) and my grandfather (Alfredo R. Rodulfo) are now in the same graveyard. My grandmother died first because of her illness. I called her "Mama Saring" - my second mama. I am also a spoiled child because of her maybe because I was the youngest granddaughter that time. Mama Saring and Tatay are my best buddies. They may fight sometime but they tried to avoid it. Their house is just closed to ours that's why we can here if they are fighting again HAHAHAHA but I know we are a happy family. :)
I offered their graveyard 3 candles and a prayer. I miss them so much but life must go on. I asked for their guidance and I believe they will. I am thankful to the both of them for letting me experience such childhood with them. Their are the pieces who are puzzled in me but I am slowly trying to solve it again. I Love you Mama Saring and Tatay <3
To everyone who's reading this, give your love and attention as long as they're still here. Never miss you chances. You might woke up without them so grab your opportunities. Never let any single second be wasted because of your insecurities, childish acts and angriness. Every second counts.
Happy Evening!
