Have you ever made a mistakes your whole life? Ofcourse for sure all of us did our own mistakes already. Co'z nobody's perfect. We all committed mistakes in our past or even now. Only Hypocrites will say he/she didn't make a mistake.
Me myself did a lot of mistakes in my past already. Mistakes that you will never can't imagine that I've done it all. I even suffered a lot because of my mistakes. People judged me like they never committed any mistakes their entire life. But you know what? I never regretted all the mistakes that I've done my whole life. I chose to do it so I have to stand for it, because sometimes in life we have this kind of mistakes that we need to stand up for, thinking that this is the only thing that can help us. Even this mistake will caused us shame on judgemental people.
This is the first time I will share a part of my life where I became a sinner because of a mistakes I chose to make. It is not easy to have that darkest secret in a world full of judgmental people. But I will share it just to make others aware that not all mistakes are totally bad, that sometimes there are mistakes that just had to be made because this is the only way left to survive for people who have no one else to cling on. Here in this Article I will share a story of my mistakes and how I changed it all.
It was 2009 when I became aware in the the world of “Walker” or “PSP” which means "Personal Service Provider". What does Walker means or do? Walker is just another term of Online Escorts where they offers escort service through online transactions. And for sure you already know what's Escorts means. And yes admit I've been a walker before, but that was when my eldest was still alive. One of my friend before who i just met through Chattv was the one who introduced me on this kind of job. I was jobless before since my eldest's father abandoned us already, and i was just living with my Mom at my stepdad's house. I didn't know any work at that time, I've been trying to find a job but I always rejected since I'm just a highschool graduate. And I am already shy at my stepdad at that time i felt like I'm already giving them a hard time since my daughter is also growing already. My friend talks about it first and she told me that it is where she gets money to help her Mom provide their daily needs. I was hesitant to do that kind of job co'z i know that it was not the answer to my problem but as time pass we are already suffering too much on our daily needs too and I can't still find a job. So I accepted my friend's offer to me. She made an account for me on a Walker Site. I'm afraid coz i don't know what to do and I'm afraid to get some disease out of this job too. But she taught me what to do, how to protect myself and how to be comfortable Incase I'm with the client already.
Within a year. I was able to tolerate that kind of work. Disgusting, nauseating to think about but I had to do it. I endured the hardship inside me for the sake of my child and family. I have Filipino clients and foreigners too and I'm lucky that somehow I know they are clean coz they have a decent job, somehow I am comfortable to be with them. I also became friends with some of my regular that I didn't have to look for different clients already. Some of them helps me even without intimate contact. In short I don't have to go out anymore because I already have regular support from them because they wanted to help me coz they understand my situation why I entered that kind of job.
One of them was the father of my 2nd child where he courted me and became my boyfriend. Since then I never really went out because I knew he was serious with me and he accepted me wholeheartedly. Everything had changed when we've been together, he helped me to change. He helped me to get out of the darkest days of my life. Until i got pregnant with our new baby. I was happy at that time coz i thought finally I'll gonna have a complete family that i can call my own, together with him, my eldest and our new baby. Until that accident happened to my first child. After i lost my eldest while I'm pregnant, my relationship with my boyfriend also changed. I know it was all my fault, he did everything to comfort me with my child's loss but my mind was closed at that time and I'm mad to all the people around me aside from Mom and Dad. I rejected the man who loved and accepted me wholeheartedly. I pushed him away and it was too late when I realized my mistake because he decided to go away from me and followed his family's advice to stay away from me. His family never accepted me because of my past even though I I'm carrying our baby. After 2 years, he returned to our lives and tried to fix our relationship but we still didn't make it because his family keeps interfere and influenced him, until he finally left us again for real. He left all the responsibility to our child.
Since then I decided to changed my life. I never go back from walking though I'm having hard time again. I tried to find a clean job and i never stopped until I finally found one. It was 2013 when I became a dealer of a Machine. A hydrocleaning Machine at Rainbow Pacific Company. I was working there already when I met my 3rd child's Dad (the one I'm living with as of today). And I can say meeting him was another mistake again. 🤦
When i met him i thought he was single. I met him online too and it's just happened that he lives near the place I work. He courted me though through online only. And since I'm "Marupok" I fell on his sweet words. I thought he was really serious so yes i finally said yes when he asked me to be his girl. After 5months if I'm not mistaken I got pregnant to my 3rd child. When i told him he told me to not continue my pregnancy while it's still a month old pregnancy. I asked why, why does he want me to do that? I got mad and curious coz i thought he loved me, but why does he want me to abort our child. Until he admitted that he was already married and her wife and his family shouldn't know about me and our baby. I was shocked and felt like my world melts. Like what the fuck did I enter? I got pregnant with a married man? What will i do now? How can i tell my Mom and my family about it? Another mistakes choosing wrong man for the 3rd time? How can i face those judgemental people around me? What will happen to me and my daughter with the baby inside me? I really don't know what to do at the time to many questions on my mind. I even think to just commit suicide coz i know my Mom will gonna kill me for getting pregnant for the 3rd time. I've even questioned God why this happens to me. Did I make a big sin to suffer something like this? Do i deserve to experience this kind of misfortune? And yeah since his married what should i do now I can't just push him to support me or choose me coz he only proves that he just used me. He just played with me and make me believe all his lies.
Since he found out I'm pregnant he never showed up again. I tried to calm myself down. I first hid my condition from my mother, trying to think of what I should do while my stomach was still small. I continued to work to be able to save for my pregnancy needs. But moms are really smart, lols. I was 5 months pregnant when my mother confronted me about who's the father of the baby I'm carrying, that she had known for a long time that I'm pregnant and was just waiting for me to admit it. But I can't tell her that a married man got me pregnant because she will definitely gonna kill me. I just said that he already left me. So in her anger she kicked me out our house. That was the time my bestfriend adopted me for 3 months. But when I was about to give birth, M0m also asked me to go home and she was the one who was there to support me while I'm giving birth and she took care of my new baby too.
I suffered a lot of judgements at that time, but Mom never left me and supported me no matter what mistakes i did. After that shameful mistakes that I committed i tried to rise up again for the sake of my kids. I decided to changed my life for real and this time I decided to focus on my kids. I promised that they were the only one I will think of this time. Since I can't find a job I tried to start an Online Business since I was just living around Baclaran where all the main suppliers are there. Thanks God I made it. I've been a full time supplier where my online shop is already known too in Facebook. That's the biggest achievement I did my whole life, because of my new work I can finally support my kids and my family on my own. I never need to beg anyone for some help anymore. I changed my life and make it more better than ever.
2019, everything was great for me and my kids already when my youngest child showed up again. He tried to come back our lives. I don't believe him at first but he told me that he and her wife separated already coz her wife cheated on him too like what he did to her before using me. After months of trying to prove that he really wanted us back and after he brought me and our child here on their house to meet his family that's when i also proved that he was really telling the truth this time. His family especially his Mom accepted her grandchild wholeheartedly since my partner never had a child to his ex-Wife.
We start over again after 5years being abandoned by him. And until now we are still together going strong, helping each other for our family. Finally I now have a family I can call my own, with my partner and my two beautiful kids. My partner and his ex-Wife is not annulled yet so in papers they're still married and anytime we might have a problem about that but for now I'm not thinking about it yet. Coz what's most important for me now is we have each others back, loving each other and we are happy as one real family.
CONCLUSION:
Making mistakes is not a reason for us to stop. Mistakes are just a lessons that we must learn in order to fix our lives and make it better. Mistakes doesn't justify who we really are. No matter how people judge you by your mistakes as long as you know yourself and have the people who loves you, their judgement still doesn't matter anything. We all makes mistakes but what important is we know how to admit our mistakes and we don't remain on it instead we are doing our best to change everything for ourselves. 🙂
Note: You may also judge me on my past but try to ask yourself first too. Have you made no mistakes in your entire life?
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