The thoughts I had when I can't sleep

June 21, 2022

12:30am

Still wide awake, can't even sleep or even take a little nap.
The trip earlier made my body nauseous
I want to spit something to relieve it but nothing comes out
Or maybe I am not used to going out there and do it

Writing this while listening to some acoustic covers on my phone
I was in the verge of tears earlier
Most of the articles I read earlier shared how they are in love with the creations
Of the Almighty God, or on how they love to see heaven

I was clouded with a lot of thoughts and I can't seem to gasp my emotions
I feel like I was in a lukewarm situation
Where I was moved and I opted to do something
But the tiredness my body and mind felt overwhelms me the most

I want to escape this situation and just come running home
To the warrior at home that would gladly welcomes me in his cute embrace
The week is still young but I am longing home already
Am I greedy or has time gone slowly on my side?

I was just tired for I had a little rough day today. I and the Boss needs to personally go out and buy the materials needed for the project for the driver had something to attend to that we had no choice but to do it.

Being in a hardware, my nostrils were filled with the mix scent of the dirt and the cement and all those materials that had stronger smells. I need to endure it for like an hour since we need to fall in line to get the materials we ordered.

Going on stores and doing the same routine made my head aches and I forgot to bring my water bottle. The last stop, the boss decided to buy some snacks that we can eat at the office, but when we arrived the siopao we ordered was three but the server only put two in the paper bag, aigoooooo. And since I felt shit from the trip I didn't eat and decide to just let them eat it.

I was planning to skip for the day since my head hurts. I'm already lying down but my body just has mind on his own that it doesn't want to rest and so I just decide to just write while waiting for my body to relax and maybe I can sleep a little later.

A challenge I'm grateful for

Everyday at work is a challenge for me especially I need to work away from my son, the longing I had to endure to provide him is tormenting but bearable.

I am just grateful that even though I take my work as a challenge it's still the source that gives me the chance to provide him with what he needs and to also help the family with the daily needs. These kind of challenge I have maybe is just a piece of cake for others, but for a person who longs her son the most this is the hardest for me especially when I can't be in my son's side whenever he needs a mom to comfort him.

A compliment that made me feel good

Being told "strong" by other people warms my heart and made me smile. It's not everyday that you receive such kind of compliments from people who knows just 5% about you and yet can frankly say that to your face that you are strong really can put a smile on your face.

The best gift I ever received

This needs to be specific this time, because when it comes to material things I could say the bible that I am using now was the best gift I ever received, it was given to me by my facilitator in the community I am serving at.

When it comes to other aside material things I can say, the best gift I received it my life and my son. I am grateful that I was able to experience life and get to enjoy memories with the family and friends. I was also glad to have a son that I can say the one that change me to be a better me in the future.

As I read expertwritter's article earlier, I can say that I don't want to experience hell, but I also thought that I am not doing good deeds and I'm a sinful person and I really did think high of myself for thinking that I will sure be in heaven without thinking of how a big an faithful sinner I am since then till now. It made me question myself if I am worthy to be on the other side. I close my eyes, thoughts of my family being happy clouded my imagination and then opened my eyes to see the darkness around the hall. Ugh I'm really am tired.

Thank you also for the renewal of sponsorship from these people, I just generalize it for you all had renewed this week hehe

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim