The Bermonths of my 2021.

This is the continuation of my last article..

“Wake me up, when September ends.”

Behind those hardship and downfalls, I chose to be grateful when September starts. My sister is finally getting her taste of achievement to enter in training. She finally starting her journey as a police trainee. I always thank God because he never left us; He guided us in riding our journey to fulfill this.

However, this month also the time where I realized that I am still hurting. The memories, it hurts me so much. The pain and sadness are both conquering the vision that I should keep moving on. I remember the one and only night where I just stare in the ceiling and suddenly, I cried a lot. This night is the time I beg for God to heal me because I can’t even contain the pain, tiredness, and all the attacks coming from those difficult times. I can’t breathe enough where my chest could no longer hold the overflowing emotions I felt. That’s why my hands holding my crying face started telling and begging Him to heal me.

After that, my September went busier because of crowded paper works in school and commands from superiors. Modules, learning activity sheets, grades, interventions plus dealing with various attitudes and personalities of parents. Ang masasabi ko nalang, sobrang nasstressed ako ng month na ‘to.

October, the month where things went on their places

I can say that this month is the time when I felt I already moving forward. It was a hot afternoon when friends and I had a catch-up break from our busy scheds. We planned a short party, going out to a certain place, cooking dishes but we ended up in swimming. We had a reservation to a near resort here within our hometown and we my two closest friends of mine. To sum up this, of course, it was a very joyous day for all of us. Our tiredness, stress in work, paths of life are somehow relief by loud laugh and meaningful conversation. I expected that they will ask me again to what happened about us. I open to them and it is inevitable that we will feel a variety of emotions. I understand their sympathy.

Actually, aside from that happiness brought by the bonding, I started a feeling of ease. A feeling that I can start and have a new day to face the pain. I’d felt that letting him go is the only choice I have to make for myself. It is like I choose peace over everything even the life we once dreamed for is finally crumble into pieces.

I think, October became good though sometimes sadness is my one-call away buddy.

Welcome, Sweet November

The month where I can smile happily and widely. This month opens many beginnings to me. I improve myself through readings, working well, unwinding trips, communicating with others, clarifying my choices, coloring my hair, became a fashion critic char, and more open doors ahead. I can say that I am starting to be a cheerful person like I used to before. I hope this continue my passion to be a fighter and a goal keeper for my dreams. A lot of good things happened in this month. Beyond these, I still always praying the good health and safety for my family, financial stability and abundance of blessings for everyone.

December, be better

Ohhh, what a nice start to be free from mixed emotions, December! I remember the first day of this month, my friends and I had a blast because we had a short catch-up that ended in over night drams and fun haha. It was unplanned but due to overload happiness and wide smiles, we decided to finish it until morning lol. Haaay, I can say that I have felt probably good and well because there are so much things happened for this month. Going out places, good communications from people, appreciation of works in school, bit opportunities and letting go out of things which I finally understand why it all happened to me.

It was few weeks before Christmas break, our grade level chairman chose me as one of the representatives in tiktok challenge for our Christmas party. And I was like, “whaaaaat” because I literally do not want to see myself in dancing hahaha. However, I have no choice but to dance like a pro-tiktokerist hahahaha. I can’t stop smiling because I remembered how am I embarrassed to dance in front of many people. So, here we are, groupie before the tragedy whahahahha.

After that, we smell the glimpse of Christmas. My mother arrived at exactly 11 in the evening from airport and she was fetched by my father. As I cooked spaghetti, I prepare a short dessert for our noche Buena. It was a simple yet happy celebration because we can’t stop thinking the situation of my second sibling there in her training. How’s her food? How’s her Christmas there? It’s our first Christmas without her and I know deep inside that everyone of us is longing and missing her. On the other hand, I also feel the emotions of my sister because she finally throws a message after several months of no communication with her. As I read her message, I know exactly what she feels because this is the first time she is being away from home. Nevertheless, we are hoping that she does great and safe in pursuing her dream inside the camp training.

Hay, and this is it. It has three remaining days before the year ends. It was a very tough year indeed. However, I am still hoping that 2022 will give us bountiful blessings, lots opportunities, more growth, healing and motivation to continue the fire in pursuing our dreams in life.

I hope everyone will be filled with,

Happiness,

Gratefulness,

Hope,

Healing,

Love.

Still, have a wonderful sailing my 2021. ❤️