Someone who can't break free from the past.

When you are a prisoner of your past, it is hard and undeniably to look forward to your future. Likewise, it affects your well-being to enjoy and see the gratefulness to all the things you have now in the present time. We all have experiences in the past that make our lives worth living today, either good or bad. All of us have had a lesson learned that keeps us looking forward. Sometimes, we can't understand why some people still live in their past, can't let go, and hold on even to the small chances they have kept.

One year ago, Thursday afternoon, I went to St. Jude in San Leonardo to have a holy mass. After a one-half hour mass, I decided to go home because I plan to pass by Apong Lourdes Church with my ex's family. I waited for a jeep going to Cabiao. When I comfortably sat, I opened my phone to inform him that I was going home and fetched me near Jollibee. While I was browsing the net, a name appeared on my notification. It's him (I prefer not telling his name but let us call him S). He added me on Facebook, and I confirmed him since we are co-workers. A few minutes after I accepted his request, he messaged me. In the beginning, he asked me about some work-related documents. Later on, he suddenly said, "Ma'am ang ganda mo". This time I realized that those documents were not his objective. I realized that something is behind why he messaged me. He continuously messaged me that night but I refused his messages. First and foremost, I was in a relationship at that time and had no plan to talk because I know the consequences. A few weeks had passed, he still threw messages on me. He kept chatting when he saw me in school, and there were times when we shared work as a group. During these times, I worked with him professionally because it is inevitable. I confronted him through a message and said that I am in a relationship and had no interest to talk with him. As far as I remember, February 2021 was the month he messaged me first, and his incessant messages had been stopped until April 2021 even though I already said my side. I put him in ignored messages because it felt irritating. Maybe the wind blew at him and he finally stopped.

May 2021, I had my break-up with my 4-year relationship. Little did I know, that S already know this. We know that everyone here in the Philippines has Marites attitude so I guess he heard this on the school. He messaged me again multiple times and I ignored him again. At that time, I prioritize myself because of the pain I had experienced. To make the story short, he messaged me again last November 2021. With friends, I enjoyed the few months of 2021 and I can say today that I had so much fun and gave the space and happiness that I truly deserve. He greeted me "Good morning, Ma'am. Have a good day." This is time I decided to give it a try. I tried to replied him back until the conversation went well. Since we were co-workers, we talked continuously in messenger because we both know the environment in school, every day is a new day! Another issue, another hooray! Haha. Until he confessed his feelings that he likes me and looking forward to knowing me more. Of course, I would like to share some conversations we had.

S is a 30-year old man. He is fine physically and responsible as a coordinator in our school. In the middle of our conversation, he asked me about my past relationship. To my respect for my past relationship, I just told a few reasons why ex and I ended because I always value the power of privacy and not telling all to someone whom I knew a month ago. I also asked him and he told me about his past. He had an almost 9-year relationship and planned to marry when his ex comes back to the Philippines. During their 7th year, the girl had decided to work in Taiwan to support her family and of course, save for their future. They were planning to get married when the girl returns home. However, during their almost 9th year, they broke up. I was just sitting and reading his messages. I did not ask the reason why they ended but continued to listen. Before I forgot to include this, they had been broke up 3 years ago. Within three years, he also told me that he still pursues her and never stops visiting her family to court her again. After that conversation, I visited his social media accounts, and to my surprise, all of their pictures and happy moments were still well-preserved and not deleted. According to him, he stopped himself last year because he said that it will never be back again.

December 2021, he always started inviting me to eat outside. In short, he continuously invited me to have a date but I always refused. I doubted that he may still be in love with her ex and finding his longingness on me. I became directed to him, I told him that he may still be in his past and I do not want to be an option. Maybe he is infatuated or attracted to me, but the real thing is, he is still imprisoned from his past. Some reasons why I realized that he still is:

• Last December 22, 2021, I saw a picture of him with his ex's family. It seemed that it was a birthday celebration of her ex's mother.

• He had a story of a cake with "hbd" written above and I surprisingly found out, the day he storied that cake was his ex’s birthday.

• He still has their sweet pictures on his social media accounts (even they had been ended 3 years ago). I do not know the reasons but it feels me off. I have considered the respect on me because he said he wants to court me.

• He has two tattoos; a vowel name of his ex and I do not know the other one because I do not want to ask but it is based on his stories told.

• Their families have still connections to each other. I noticed through social media investigation lol hahaha. I remember when he told me that he still not informing his family that they were not together anymore. So, I guess until today they did not know because he does not want to let them know.

• I found out that he has another Fb account for school purposes, but the status remains "in a relationship".

• Only his friends knew that they ended.

• His Ig's following is more on women, sexy and beautiful girls.

• I also found out that he talking to some girls below his age lol

Yeah, red flags are waving at me. All of these are my observations and discoveries while we continue to communicate. Last January, we still communicated but lessen the time we had talked without addressing those matters. I was just waiting for him to open those stuff because I do not want to demand. Unfortunately, there was a big move he never thought I would not be offended. It was the night that the bunch of questions and assumptions in my mind have been finally answered.

That is the content for my next article...