Forgetting you because you forgot me.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night

I can feel you again

But I just miss you

And I just wish you were

A better man

And I know why we had to say goodbye

Like the back of my hand

And I just miss you

and I just wish you were a better man.

I understand if you probably know these lines because I can’t also keep listening to Taylor Swift’s Red Album. Yeah, I am also a fan of Taylor Swift since high school (2009-2013) since her song “Love Story” has become the nostalgic theme song of the nation. So, we cannot deny the fact that Taylor Swift is such a huge and notable artist until today’s era. To start this article, I would like say hello to all swifties out there!

The lines above are from the song “A Better Man”. This song was recently released in #taylorswiftredalbum. Is it not obvious why I am so much relating in this song right? Specifically, that lines which describe what I am really feel now. In connection with the article, I wrote few days ago, I somehow missing him so much. Maybe I love him genuinely that is why I feel this emotion. We had been separated for almost half a year but there were nights that I still thinking of him. There were still days that I still want to see him. There are times that I still want to communicate him like we used to. There are so much mixed emotions within my heart saying that I still love him. I can’t blame myself because it is true, still I love him. One night, I decided to play the songs in Red Album and this song comes first. When I internalizing the lyrics, I fall out to the thought that “why he can’t be a better man?” “Why he chose to be that man whose still in fun? A lot of whys indeed. As I close my eyes, the song suits to what I really feel that night. And here we go, those lines above broke my tears to fall and cry. I always wonder why I keep missing him, thinking what he might doing every day, or is there someone who finally replaced me in his life. All of those whys and what ifs lead me to uncertainty again.

Several weeks, someone sent a message and I saw his name. He sent a message asking for a talk. During that time, I can’t explain my emotions. I can’t be certain because the anger, hatred had came along the way. However, I had to manage myself because I thought that this would be the time for us to hear each other side. My friends told me why I still giving him time after what he did to me. I realized that, if you are starting to forgive someone, the pain would likely to heal. We had a talk and it was not so good in terms because all of our emotions were being released---resentment, regrets, grudges, sorrow and all of these were ended up in pain, again. He asked me to have another chance even before I gave him lots of chances and nothing happened. Sometimes, saying sorry became habitual. If we did something wrong to anyone, we tend to say sorry. Saying this word has huge meaning to me. If you say sorry, it means you will not fall to the same mistake again. What happened to us is, he constantly says sorry but always ending to the same mistake again because he knows I will forgive him. Until, he no longer cares because he knows I am always with him. A question is always circling in my mind, “Do I deserve that kind of person?” NO.

I might be missing him but there's no turning back.

Like what the song tells us, “And I know why we had to say goodbye” because he chose earthly things over the one real thing he has ever had----me.

Sometimes, why do we have to meet people who will leave us? why do we have to meet people who will tear us apart in the end? why do we have to meet such people who will come into our life then suddenly turn us devastated? Why.

I guess we can't force every thing like sort of things that people want to do just to meet their desires in living. The least thing that you can do for yourself is walk away; never settle for less.

Maybe life has offer full of temporaries and teach us to be a permanent one. They said, people come and go and I really agree with that. They might be served as the lessons as well as the experiences that will help us to keep moving forward and see the real purpose in life. In today’s generation, people are so technology driven, soc-media fanatics that affect them as a lying individual under what they see online. Let us be reminded that reality is far from what we see virtually.

For now, more self-love and self-care. Healing and peace of mind over everything. Honestly, I want to be happy again like what I see myself years ago where there were no conflicts, heartaches, doubts and other nega feelings. I am much looking forward to seeing beautiful things because I truly know, life has more reasons to live and much blessings to be grateful for.

Although moving on is a long process, I know I am on the path and leave all those memories behind.

I know the bravest thing I ever did was run…

run from you so you could never ever break me again.