Nearness - Essence for healthy life

People need to be intimate in love, friendship or kinship, because then they can be what they are: to feel accepted and to be able to act spontaneously.

Are there loves, that is, love relationships in which people are not close? Is it possible to love and be loved without closeness to each other? Although the answer to these questions is yes, many believe that intimacy is an obligatory component of a love relationship, that love without intimacy is not true love. The most common complaint of those couples who come to partner or marital therapy is the experience that their closeness has been lost over time, that there has been alienation from each other.

One of the reasons why human beings need to be close to someone, whether it is love, friendship or kinship, is that in close relationships people can be what they are: to feel accepted and to be able to they behave spontaneously.

Emotional connection

The word closeness came from the word close. The word intimacy has the same meaning, which means that something is with something else, as well as the word intimacy. The opposite is what is far, distant, distant. Therefore, a person can let someone close to him or keep a distance from those with whom he is not close. The consequence is that people function in two social circles: in the circle of close others and in the circle of distant others, that is, the public. While in public people have certain social roles and wear social masks, in closeness they show themselves as they really are. For a quality life, it is necessary for people to have developed abilities for good functioning both in close proximity and in public.

There are several assumptions that allow the establishment of a close relationship. The first is that the two know each other well. This means that they got to know each other well over time, and then evaluated each other as valuable human beings. Based on this assessment, their emotional connection, love, as well as feelings of respect are reached. Both people have the experience that they are accepted by the other and that they accept the other.
It gives them a sense of belonging, connection and the belief that such a relationship is lasting. All this allows them to show themselves in front of a close person as they are, without fear of being rejected: to be honest and open. Each of them knows that the other person will keep the secrets entrusted to him in moments of sincerity, that there will be no fraud and betrayal.

On the emotional level, people close to each other are compassionate and empathetic. They are sorry when it is difficult for others, and they are happy when others rejoice in some of their success. In relationships that are really close, there is no competition and envy, but there is support and help. Close people talk to each other about what is important to them, about their unpleasant and pleasant feelings. Because they feel accepted as persons, they do not hesitate to blame each other for some actions, and even to quarrel. But these quarrels do not call into question their relationship of mutual affiliation. They also talk about those things that are not so important to them because they know how to chat with each other. One who has a close person or persons never feels like he is alone in this world.

All this makes intimacy relations very important and highly valued. These are the reasons why people seek, find and maintain close relationships, either with emotional partners or with friends. These are the reasons why people who have the feeling that they have lost intimacy with someone, that they have become alienated, break off relationships and connections.

Accepted and loved

In order for someone to be able to establish close relationships with others, he must first believe in his qualities, to know that he deserves to be accepted and loved as he is. We know this based on those people who are afraid or run away from intimacy. It is typical for them to believe that if they let others close, then others would understand what they really are: that they are not valuable enough to deserve to be loved and accepted.
That is why their need for intimacy is blocked by their fear that intimacy will lead to them being "unmasked". Whether they keep others at a safe distance in love relationships, or break off relationships when they feel that others have become too close to them, they actually feel lonely. Although they hope that everything will change when they find the "right" person for themselves, the only way to get close to someone else is to first accept and love yourself. In order for adults to be capable of intimacy, they must bring from their childhood and youth a positive experience of experienced intimacy.