Lost Inside His Head

Staggering into the bathroom, I hurriedly turned on the faucet on the sink and I washed my face in cold water. I looked at the mirror and I could see my face with cuts, bruises, and blood flowing from my eyes. The voices inside my head would not stop calling, would not stop wailing, and would not stop spewing nonsense.

I opened the cabinet behind the mirror and took the pill container. I pried open the lid and took some pills from it. I did not even bother counting the pills and popped them into my mouth. I swallowed all of them trying to swallow everything that I was feeling.

I was sweating hard and I collapsed onto the couch. The voices were fading until I can't hear them anymore. My vision has gotten clearer and then it went dark as I fell asleep. I was awakened by a voice calling my name.

I sat on the couch and he was there on the other side of the table. My pills are starting to lose their effectiveness since I am still hearing voices and seeing these pesky visions of people talking to me. They are always calling unto me to pull me into the darkness, telling me to give up and just give in. To reach for them, to hold their hands, and to join them in the utter darkness.

With years of torture in my head in my personality and everything, I felt that I was close to my tipping point. I lost everything, my family, my loved one, my career, and my life. This illness suck, this disease is devouring me whole and I am losing to it day by day.

Screaming helps but it doesn't last long. I screamed SHUT UP!!! to the vision in front of me but he would not let me in peace and I paced angrily around the apartment. I went into the kitchen and had myself a glass of cold water. Everything is still vivid and much alive. The voice is still trying to tell me what to do. I just want it to stop, I just want everything to stop. My eyes led me to the kitchen knife on the counter. My blood was boiling and I just want to end it all right there and then, I am tired of everything. I grabbed it and cut my hand in the process. I ran over to the voice and stabbed it with all my might, I stabbed and stabbed until it was silent.

It became silent. I can finally hear the peace, but then they still came back. I am losing my mind. I was in the corner curled up like a ball when the policemen and the medical men came and took me away.

The headline for the following day read :

Man Stabbed To Death, Killed by Long Time Roommate

A man was found dead by the police with 33 stab wounds to the chest yesterday afternoon in a living room in their apartment. The suspect was apprehended on the scene with the knife still in his hands.

The suspect was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and according to him, he was trying to kill the voices inside his head.

Schizophrenia

This is a serious mental disease that causes a person to eventually lose touch with what's real and what is not. This can cause hallucinations, delusions, and other anomalies in perceptions that can affect how they think, interpret and react to stimuli.

I have been interested in this illness since I was young when I read about a famous person who suffered from this and in turn changed the world forever in a drastic and tragic way, Adolf Hitler.

I wondered what was going through his mind when he caused all those deaths and tragedies.

The interest resurfaced when I watched Words on Bathroom Walls. Although the main character in the film was suffering from the same mental defect, his story has a positive end compared to Hitler's. It was a simple and a "so-so" movie but it brings quite an awareness to what could people with the same illness are experiencing.

Hey hey hey!

And it's another random story inspired by my endless couch potato life. Well, at least something comes out of the time I am spending watching some things right? Not a bad deal.

So what do you think about this one? Isn't it a scary thought that you could lose touch with reality? In a situation where you can't tell what's real from hallucinations, how would you fare to live properly? I can't imagine how I would react if I have such a condition. I could not even call that living anymore.

If you have any thoughts, reactions, or just anything to say, feel free to drop by the comment section, and let's get to talking.

I really appreciate you visiting once again and as usual, let me end this one with a toast to our long-lasting relationship...

Cheers!!!