Lost Inside His Head

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Avatar for meitanteikudo
2 years ago

Staggering into the bathroom, I hurriedly turned on the faucet on the sink and I washed my face in cold water. I looked at the mirror and I could see my face with cuts, bruises, and blood flowing from my eyes. The voices inside my head would not stop calling, would not stop wailing, and would not stop spewing nonsense.

I opened the cabinet behind the mirror and took the pill container. I pried open the lid and took some pills from it. I did not even bother counting the pills and popped them into my mouth. I swallowed all of them trying to swallow everything that I was feeling.

I was sweating hard and I collapsed onto the couch. The voices were fading until I can't hear them anymore. My vision has gotten clearer and then it went dark as I fell asleep. I was awakened by a voice calling my name.

I sat on the couch and he was there on the other side of the table. My pills are starting to lose their effectiveness since I am still hearing voices and seeing these pesky visions of people talking to me. They are always calling unto me to pull me into the darkness, telling me to give up and just give in. To reach for them, to hold their hands, and to join them in the utter darkness.

With years of torture in my head in my personality and everything, I felt that I was close to my tipping point. I lost everything, my family, my loved one, my career, and my life. This illness suck, this disease is devouring me whole and I am losing to it day by day.

Screaming helps but it doesn't last long. I screamed SHUT UP!!! to the vision in front of me but he would not let me in peace and I paced angrily around the apartment. I went into the kitchen and had myself a glass of cold water. Everything is still vivid and much alive. The voice is still trying to tell me what to do. I just want it to stop, I just want everything to stop. My eyes led me to the kitchen knife on the counter. My blood was boiling and I just want to end it all right there and then, I am tired of everything. I grabbed it and cut my hand in the process. I ran over to the voice and stabbed it with all my might, I stabbed and stabbed until it was silent.

It became silent. I can finally hear the peace, but then they still came back. I am losing my mind. I was in the corner curled up like a ball when the policemen and the medical men came and took me away.


The headline for the following day read :

Man Stabbed To Death, Killed by Long Time Roommate

A man was found dead by the police with 33 stab wounds to the chest yesterday afternoon in a living room in their apartment. The suspect was apprehended on the scene with the knife still in his hands.

The suspect was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and according to him, he was trying to kill the voices inside his head.

Schizophrenia

This is a serious mental disease that causes a person to eventually lose touch with what's real and what is not. This can cause hallucinations, delusions, and other anomalies in perceptions that can affect how they think, interpret and react to stimuli.

I have been interested in this illness since I was young when I read about a famous person who suffered from this and in turn changed the world forever in a drastic and tragic way, Adolf Hitler.

I wondered what was going through his mind when he caused all those deaths and tragedies.

The interest resurfaced when I watched Words on Bathroom Walls. Although the main character in the film was suffering from the same mental defect, his story has a positive end compared to Hitler's. It was a simple and a "so-so" movie but it brings quite an awareness to what could people with the same illness are experiencing.

Hey hey hey!

And it's another random story inspired by my endless couch potato life. Well, at least something comes out of the time I am spending watching some things right? Not a bad deal.

So what do you think about this one? Isn't it a scary thought that you could lose touch with reality? In a situation where you can't tell what's real from hallucinations, how would you fare to live properly? I can't imagine how I would react if I have such a condition. I could not even call that living anymore.

If you have any thoughts, reactions, or just anything to say, feel free to drop by the comment section, and let's get to talking.

I really appreciate you visiting once again and as usual, let me end this one with a toast to our long-lasting relationship...

Cheers!!!

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2 years ago

Comments

that's why self- awareness is very important. we should always let ourselves be at th top of our priority kasi pag tayo ang nasira, naku ang hirap na ayusin.

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2 years ago

Ay totoo yan. Self love should be our first love.

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2 years ago

Always 😊

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2 years ago

I use to think being overly isolated from people is the only way one can lose touch with reality. Well, it seem, it isn't.

Learning about Schizophrenia now has made me realize I was wrong

It can be a terrible experience for anyone suffering from this illness

But stabbing someone 33 different points brings my memory to a Catholic movie I watched recently, in that movie it was a curse and not a disease. And the curse was broken by breaking apart the temple where the devilish woman used as her altar

Uhhmm, what's the name of the movie, again? 🤔 Yes, I remember, The conjuring, the devil made me do it"

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2 years ago

oooh dang... conjuring... A real horror!

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2 years ago

Hahaha... you've seen the movie, right?

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2 years ago

only the first one...

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2 years ago

Kung ako siguro, hmmm.. Wag nalang.. Well, seryoso, ang hirap nga kapag nandyan sa sitwasyon na yan. Kung ako nga, maliit na bagay lang pinapagana ko na agad yung pagiging nega ko, pa'no pa kaya kung ganito pa.

Mahirap sa tao na dumadanas nang ganito at syempre pati na rin sa mga nakapaligid sa kanya, pwera na lang dun sa mga walang paki alam.

God bless sayo!😇

Matagal-tagal na rin since nung huli ako'ng naka.leave nang comment dito hihi.. Makata ka kasi, nakakahiya lang kung ang isang tulad ko eh' magbibigay nang nonsense ko'ng comment..😅

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2 years ago

Ay welcome lahat dito. Positive or negative man, ibuhos niyo lang ang saloobin niyo. :) heheehe lahat naappreciate ko. :)

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2 years ago

This is a very serious mental illness and people who are experiencing this really needs some medical treatment. Kailngan din talaga nge extra attention and support from the family.

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2 years ago

Yesss. as in 24/7 care..

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2 years ago

Sometimes we have to check ourselves as well kung okay pa ba tayo, normal pa ba mga kilos natin, self awareness ba just in case we noticed something unusual from us we still have a chance to prevent greater damage in the future.

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2 years ago

my gosh.. napapaisip tuloy ako. hmmm.. okay pa naman siguro ako kahit pano... :)

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2 years ago

dapat talaga aware ka sa ganitong sakit at par nababantayan talaga ng maayos para di na humantong sa ganyan na situation... :(

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2 years ago

Mahirap talagang macontrol yan... mahirap ding labanan. grabe din kasi ung mga side effects ng gamot.

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2 years ago

yep... yun din kasi ang kalaban dyan eh yung side effects ng gamot

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2 years ago

This is a serious illness that needs a extreme attention and medication. The person who's suffering from this kind of illness must be guided and given support by people surrounds him or her. I think the one factor that triggered Schizophrenia is loneliness and stress. From the moment that the person having this kind of illness experience those factors, it can affect their mind and can't distinguish which is reality and hallucinations, in story you've shared, those thoughts and imaginary people in his head are caused maybe by too much stress and depression because no one stays behind him due to his illness.

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2 years ago

Those are really aggravating factors, but this illness could be caused by genes and trauma, I think...

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2 years ago

Grabe tlga ngagawa ng sakit na to . Kya kpg may family member na may ganyan. Kelangan tlga bantayan ng maayos at alagaan

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2 years ago

Oo nga, iba talaga din ung pangagailangan nila..

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2 years ago

Di ko ma imagine ano magagawa ko if ever nasa situation ako na ganito.. well, honestly na try ko na maka encounter nang isang taong medyo nawawala sa huwesyo niya pero nadala pa xia nang gamot at theraphy..kaialngan talaga natin i check mga kakilala natin kung may mga pinagdadaanan sila para mapag usapan at di na humantong sa ganito

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2 years ago

Ah oo nga.. It's really important to pay attention to our loved ones. We never know who among them are suffering from whatever.

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2 years ago

Yung last words lang pree, ihagis muna pang bili ng beer haha

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2 years ago

haha ano ung last words?

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2 years ago

Cheers, ano pa ba pree hahaha

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2 years ago

Wait- what? I didn't see it coming lol Kasi every short stories mo na huhulaan ko yung plot twist eh, ito lang yung hindi.

I have seen a movie where the antagonist has a schizophrenia, I forgot the title but it's exactly the same as this.

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2 years ago

lol, nahuhulaan mo ba? Hahaha maraming salamat sa panghuhula.. :)

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2 years ago