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PUHON - In God's Time

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Avatar for mariaclara
Written by   2
4 months ago

Imagine being one of the pioneers of K-12 curriculum (kindergarten plus grades 1-12) then becoming part of the batch where online classes were mandated.

Additional two (2) years in highschool then now, online classes became a thing nationwide.

Unfortunately, I am part of it.

I am part of the new curriculum where students were forced to comply requirements rather than learn. Plus, the fact that I am delayed for idk how many years in college. (you can read on my first article why)

Ugh. I must have done something really bad from my past life to be this unlucky.

I am getting really really sad and frustrated right now.

I am turning a little bit older and the pressure is eating me.

If it was just me, I would be very fine whether I finish my degree for 5 years or more, but no. I feel like everyone counts on me and although my parents doesn’t directly tell me this, I’m sure they’re as envious as me seeing my batchmates getting almost done with their studies. We are not that rich and I don't want to burden them with too much expenses. I know they are expecting me to graduate right on time.

I thought I will be okay being left behind but now that I am here and saw my batch mates be as close as an inch to their dreams, I can’t help but compare to where I stand now.

I just wish that this new school gave me more than two subjects to take this time, maybe I’ll feel a lot better. I checked their new curriculum and realized that I need to fulfill 199 units in total but unfortunately, I wasn’t even halfway, its 89/199! The department chair told me that it will take some time before I could take their third year subjects! Just the third year subjects!

To be specific, I finished 2 years already, stopped for a year, then I might be taking these pre-clinical subjects for a year or more ,please Lord, no :( so that makes it 4+ years already. Add to it my clinical division years plus a year of internship and that makes it 6 years or more. The program that is supposed to be taken for 4 years will have additional years to come.

These words isn’t enough to emphasize what exactly I feel.

They say there’s no shortcut to success or to life’s race but I just couldn’t bring this words up to my head because it is now filled with overwhelming thoughts about the future especially now that me and my parents were getting older.

No matter how hard I convince myself that I will get there too, I couldn’t stop comparing how slow I move from them. I can’t even say “its fine” because I am honestly not fine when I think about it.

It’s actually 2 am when I finished writing this and I wonder how many nights and days will I ever think of it before I finally accept that this is where I am now, I should deal with it and live with it because this is where I chose to be.

I don’t know if I have expressed myself above clearly and I might seem redundant but I am extremely dejected right now. Thanks for destressing me from everything. I had to let this out. I could even taste some bitterness in my own words.

I just want some assurance from them that its okay, its okay to feel these things.

I just want some assurance that it is fine to follow my own pace no matter how long it takes.

I just want some assurance that its okay to be slow because a slow progress is still a progress.

I just want some assurance without asking or begging for it.

And I just want to help mom and dad as soon as I can but I guess, that will have to wait for now.

P U H O N - "Someday. In God's time."

Manifesting: I will graduate 2 years from now cutiee!

I will get back to this article once I finish my degree.

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Avatar for mariaclara
Written by   2
4 months ago
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