To believe and to trust again

A stranger approached two friends who were standing at the bus stop near their workplace waiting for their transport to arrive. The stranger, a young adult casually dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans was carrying a knapsack and looked fairly innocent. He spoke gently, asking if we could lend him some money, as he needed it to pay for his transport.

One of them looked at the stranger doubtfully and said he didn’t have any to lend while the other friend, took out a ten-dollar note and passed it to him without any hesitation. The young chap was clearly grateful and thankful. He asked for her name and contact so that he could return her money but she just pointed to a building to tell him if needed to look for her to return the money, just go over to her workplace. He said thanks before leaving them be.

The friend who refused to lend the stranger money asked the one who gave, what if he was lying, how could she have believed the stranger without any hesitation? The one who lent the stranger money, asked her friend back, what if he wasn’t? What if he truly needed help to go get home? If he truly needed help, then she would have helped someone. And so what if he was lying, he may have his reasons.

She continued to ask him; if we have been lied to before, if we have been betrayed before, does it mean we stop believing others and that we stop trusting others? She went on to say that to believe is a choice and it is also an ability, she was glad that she still had the ability to believe despite having experienced some form of deceit throughout her life.

A few days after, the young stranger went looking for her at the workplace building that she had earlier showed him, to return the money he borrowed. He didn’t get to meet her but he managed to pass the money back to the friend who hesitated to lend him money.

It got the friend thinking and it certainly got me thinking too. Many of us may have been lied to at least once before or been deceived by someone or been cheated on or may have been betrayed at some point in our life.

I know I have. I also know how hard it can be to start believing and trusting again. I think of it as once bitten, twice shy situation. I became weary and now especially so with news of scammers and those who are out to take advantage of any situation to cheat them of their money and love in some cases.

How do we recover from that, if we have been bitten once before? It isn’t easy. It may be easier if it was a stranger. But if it involves someone we know, and if involves the same individual, it is hard. It is especially hard if it involves someone we were close to, someone whom we trusted and believed completely.

My ex-superior had once promised me a change of job, a job that fitted my interest and capability. She spoke to me with much hope and promise that I believed her because I trusted her. But in the end, she gave it away to someone else.

I felt betrayed. I could certainly understand if she found that I was not suitable for the job but that wasn’t what she explained to me when she asked if I had wanted to try the role. When I agreed, her promise was real. I felt betrayed because I trusted her and she gave me her word.

If I wasn’t suitable for the job, she should have been honest with me and she should have told me in the first place. If she had found someone else more suitable, she should have let me know transparently during the process of giving the job to another person, which she didn’t.

It took me a long while to move on from this experience, to trust my ex superior again. In fact, I could no longer trust or believe her entirely, perhaps just a certain percentage.

How do we pick ourselves up to believe and to trust the same person again? It is hard when we have been hurt or hit hard, although sometimes, it is necessary to forgive. The forget part, may take a longer time or maybe never.