Of Expectations and Disappointments

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3 years ago

During my younger years, I used to get disappointed with myself quite a bit, the kind of disappointment that can sometimes be heart aching and wrenching. It was not easy to control the feeling of disappointment, it comes without warning, and overtake the hopeless mind, which in turn makes it hard to move on. If we are not careful, we could get stuck in the disappointment.

Sometimes, it was not an expectation of my own but from others, especially those who has a higher authority or perceived higher authority. The feeling of disappointment from others would be chanelled to me and in the end, it became mine to bear, one that was heavy to the heart and brings tears to the eyes.

It can be as simple as being disappointed that I did not do well in an exam when I thought I did or when others thought I did, disappointed that I did not get the job that I thought I nailed or others thought I should get, disappointed that I did not get the response I was hoping for, disappointed that the chocolate I bought did not taste the way I thought it would and many, many more instances.

Many times, the disappointed feeling lasted a few days or up to weeks. And once the feeling comes, it was not easy to brush off. Part of it, I blamed it on my naivety, part of it, my mind control was quite poor and a big part of it, I didn't know why I was disappointed.

But as I grew older, I realized the level of my disappointment wasn't as great as I was younger. It took a long while before I realized the correlation between expectation and disappointment. In some rare moments of reflection, I became more aware of my feelings and noticed that when I told myself not to expect something, my level of disappointment was lowered or near zero, although in reality, having zero expectations is not something easy to achieve because deep, deep, deep down inside, there would still be some glimmer of hope.

When it came to taking exams, or going for job interviews, I reseted my brain to not expect much. I told myself, if I get it, I get it, if I don't, it is alright. I shall try again, if I have the energy to try again. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I realized that it was not worth trying again and refocused my energy to do something else.

It is the same when it comes to getting something for free. When it comes to lucky draws, or lucky dips, I do not expect to win. It is easier for the heart and the mind. One may hope to win, but one should not expect because hey, it is free anyways.

If it is something contractual, something you signed up for and agreed upon that you will be paid or given something in return for a certain amount of work or deliverable, that would be different topic altogether. In these cases, it is given to expect. The same goes with a paid service or paid product. For something that I have paid with my hard earned money, I will have an expectation and I personally think we should all have an expectation.

Not surprisingly, there are many, many quotes related to this topic, and here I leave some that I agree with and for our reading pleasure (source):

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.” ― Bill Watterson

“My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus." [The Science of Second-Guessing (New York Times Magazine Interview, December 12, 2004)]”
― Stephen W. Hawking

“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations”
― Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

“A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.”
― Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than fatally disappointed.”
― Julia Glass, I See You Everywhere

“I hope you do not let anyone else's expectations direct the course of your life.”
― Julianne Donaldson, Edenbrooke


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3 years ago

Comments

In my case, i always go with the worst case scenario. Less disappointing like that though it makes me a bit of a pessimist

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3 years ago

You know what? I do the same thing too. Forgot about that. In an exam, I will think that I will fail or after an interview, I will not get the job or whatever :D I don't mind being a pessimist if it lessen the wound in my heart :D

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3 years ago

I agree 😂😂 plus less depressive tendencies. Can't say it helps with anxiety if you keep thinking like that but it's better than getting disappointed

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3 years ago

Disappointments are feelings forced upon us by the way how we are raised. My father literally beat it into me to always be the best. Something I tried but it was never good enough. I kept trying for years although it wasn't me and as we met years later the man said it all didn't matter. He ruined my life, ruled my life for years with his norms and values and next it didn't matter. Again he didn't care (or liked me, still didn't like me). I can tell you that was, that man was the biggest disappointment for me. To see, recognize who he really was.

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3 years ago

Yes true true. Disappointment is also triggered by self if it is something that we want or desire, not determined by external factors. My mother too, caned, twisted my ears until they bled, and made me feel really small and useless but I think I grew up alright, although the scars can never be erased.

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3 years ago

I agree with many things. I believe that good things are learned through disappointments. And this is how when you get some failures they help us to have a better visualization of reality.

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3 years ago

Yes many good things are learned from disappointments. But not everyone learns from them, when their minds are closed, and when they refuse to accept it, it is hard to learn. It takes a lot of reflection and realization and acceptance too.

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3 years ago

True. you have to have an open mind. To grow you just have to accept things as one more experience. Draw conclusions, learn from what has been done and turn the page. There is nothing more to do. Just go ahead and step harder.

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3 years ago