If You Love Me, Don't Create "Me"

If you love me, don't create "me". So said Ajahn Amaro, a Buddhist monk, when asked to talk about love. I immediately posted the quote on several personal social media. Some friends immediately asked, what does that mean? I was intrigued to provide an answer.

This is a matter of love. A timeless theme in human life that has inspired a million songs, films, books, and poetry. Who doesn't like it, when love comes to visit? The heart blossoms and the day feels like singing, without end.

However, love often ends in grief. The heart that sang was broken tormented with disappointment. Some continue to live in sorrow. Not a few also gave up hope and chose death as a friend.

Falling in Love Mechanism

Why did this happen? This happens because when we fall in love, we fall in love with an image. We fall in love with the concept of other people. We create "him" in our heads. The real "he" must be different from the "he" we imagine.

We fall in love with a "person". "Personal" is a collection of stories. It is not reality. A person is our creation who is looking at it and thinking about it.

"Person" is an illusion. "He" is also an illusion. When we fall in love with the person, then we fall in love with our head. No wonder, we fall into pain and sorrow.

Reality

Everything changes. Nothing is fixed. The people we know and love also change. Their physical properties and forms are constantly changing, like a river that doesn't stop flowing.

Because everything changes, there is no meaning that can be understood. No core can be held tightly. No personal characteristics to read. No character or character does not change.

Since everything changes, and there is no essence, nothing is certain. Attempts to obtain certainty will end in violence. This is the disease of both religious radicals and ideological radicals (Marxism, Liberalism, Fascism, and so on). Attempts to secure and control life end in violence and suffering.

Then, how?

So, we need to see and understand reality as it is. We need to live with life, not with our thoughts alone. Thoughts and emotions are then used as needed, not excessively. This is the highest wisdom man can attain.

When love arrives, don't make up stories about it. Don't guess the character of the person we love. Don't make any assumptions. Don't make "him" in your head.

Then, love will grow naturally. No useless distraction of thoughts and emotions. The beloved will always be seen in reality here and now. This kind of love has touched eternity.

Silence and Creativity

When we stop creating life stories, we will find silence. Even when our surroundings are noisy, our mind remains quiet and peaceful. Hopefully, the same formula can be pronounced. "If you want a happy life, don't make up any life stories."

In the silence, ideas flourished. Wisdom and compassion grow. There are no books to read, and no schools to go to. This is natural wisdom in line with the laws of nature (Dharma).

Creativity was also flowing. The urge to create comes forward. Concern for life grows automatically. We then become fully alive, with all the fire and peace that is in it.

Ajahn Amaro would be right. I've tried it. When I don't make up a story about anything, everything becomes clear and clear on its own. There is no higher pleasure than it. Are you interested in trying?