Live to Inspire?

Inspire?

What're plays around your mind when you heard of 'inspire' words? Is it something positive? Is it something that makes us curious about what behind that 'inspire' words?

Well, it is part of it.

I would like to share what 'inspires' means academically before I share my real-life story.

Oxford English Dictionary defines inspiration as the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

Honestly, this is a boring definition of inspiration yet informative. But I love how Thrash and Elliot define about inspiration which oneself being inspired by something and acting on that inspiration. This is related to me.

Kaufman S. B. (2011) explained that inspired people have a high level of psychological resources that include their abilities, self-esteem and optimism. These resources help oneself to achieve their life purposes through mastery of work, absorption, creativity, perceived competence, self-esteem, and optimism.

Here I am. Asking the same question for myself,

"Am I living to do something more for inspiring myself and others? Or just like an ordinary human being who doing their life routines cycles as wake up in the morning, brushing teeth, get ready to work, working for commitment, having dinner, watching Netflix, playing games, having a quality time with beloved one and sleep. Everyday. Whole life.

What a boring life? Haha 😴

One of my favourite hobbies is doing life reflections about anything with my thoughts and feelings.

If God's will, I expect myself living on this earth around 35 years old for His mission or maybe 33 years old, 30? Or 26? I never know.

It's God's mysterious ways.

My responsibility is to prepare myself for life after and do His mission by spreading the faith, hope and love through writing, journaling, good lyrics, good music, songs and communication.

So around my life span expectations, I have these deep questions for my reflective soul.

"What am I living for?

Why am I breathing?

What's behind with all of this life journey?

What's behind with all of my self-belief, value, passions, career, commitments, hobbies, knowledge, faith, hope, love, education, friendship, families, composer, singing etc all about?

Why am I doing this?

What's behind all of this?

What in this earth is worth of living for?

In more special ways of life, why am I living this life with chronic illness? Why me? Why not others?"

This questions haunting me for 23 years and at the age of 25 years old, God reveal me His beautiful plans for my life journey.

And again, that's why I'm here.

It takes 25 years of self-reflection and big courage to get out of my comfort zone and reveal my real-life story journey for His Glory and Holy will.

My main purpose to get out of comfort zone here is for expressing my thoughts and feelings through my real-life story, the love of wisdom and knowledge that I learnt from University Malaysia Sabah (UMS), my bookworm habits, my passion in composing songs, playing instruments and listening good lyrics and music vibes.

Again, introducing you about myself briefly as a human, a women, a Cooley Anemia (Beta-Thalassemia Major) survivor, a Christian, an amateur singer, a lover of ukulele, a song composer, a psychological supporter, a daydreamer or whoever I am as you labelled me.

After living for 25 years in this world, I can say that living life as a survivor of chronic illness is not as easy as A, B, C. All I need is perseverance and learn to love everything. One quote that I always keep inside my heart said: "If you dislike something that gives you good impact for your self-development, you need to love it until you can't feel the pains of that pains anymore."

Ups and downs throughout of these pains, I thank God because He gives me a lot of opportunities to enjoy my life even I never know when will my last breath.

Living 25 years of beautiful pains throughout my life journey, I managed to finish my Kindergarten School, Primary School, Secondary School, Pre-University Education, Bachelor Psychology-Child and Family and Masters Degree Psychology Counseling. Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity. Throughout the hardship of life, God allows me to finish my master's degree.

God overwhelmed me with His grace. 1 month before I finish my Internship counselling practice at College Vocational Likas, God gives me another opportunity through my deep passion in Music and Arts. My soul's passions.

He allows me to join composing song contest in #PertandinganMenciptaLaguDusunOnline which appraisal from public jury begins from 7 November 2020 to 31 December 2020. Through this opportunity, I learn to improvise my composed song with Jazz/R&B/Reggae/Pop-soul/Alternative Pop genre.

Another God's grace is jobs opportunity. Mr President of Sabah Thalassemia Society (STS) offers me job opportunity as an administrator in NGO. I thankful for this and I will do my best for God.

Last but not least, I can summary my 2020 life journey in two words: beautiful pains.

I will continue writing about this soon.

Sincere,

Littleflowerselfexpression