Hey, why should I care? What?! who care?
This big questions mark always play around my mind before I learn counseling.
It is a loss when I don't prioritise my mental and emotional health when I am conscious about my psychological wellbeing.
Before I learn counseling, I never know that actually, I was helpless psychologically. I thought numbing all the feelings and emotions throughout my life's event experiences helped me get through my toxic environment and my hardship of life as a survivor of chronic illness. I thought this is the correct ways to help oneself develop a healthy psychological development.
But when I flashback again about my crucial life timeline during counselling learning process, my life was spoiled. They never tell me how to manage my mental health and emotional expression. I only understand all of this after reading about psychology and learning Counselling in my Master's Degree. It's okay, and I take all necessary life experiences as lessons afterwards.
But the effect of numbing all the feelings makes my personality (INFJ-A) prone to 'door slam' people.
What?! Door Slam?
Door slam usually happens amongst INFJ personality types (You can check yours here: https://www.16personalities.com/ I will share this in my other article soon).
As written in IntrovertDear (2018) about INFJ door slam, Granneman defines door slamming people as cutting off any connections with other people. In other words, is cut off emotionally links and get rid that someone out of their life.
I maybe deny this consciously, but this is the truth unconsciously. I frequently and intensely do this, which after I learnt Counselling, I do my very best to deal and recreate new behaviour to be more flexible and avoid door slam. (If you curious about this, do check this link https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/)
Yes. I got you. I love personality too.
Back to my main point about mental and emotional health. After 24 years pass only then I aware about my self-care. Wow! I guess there's so much unfinished business happens along that journey, but yeah, life's goes on, and all I need to surrender my issues to God.
At the age of 26, I realised self-care is the most important and SHOULD be a priority and at the top of our needs list to keep our mental and emotional, healthy. Now I understand, the only person who always be there for us is our self. It's sound weird, but that's the truth. Most articles I read about happiness or being confident as attractive women is to love our self. That's all.
With my own very personal opinion about being confident and happy is to love ourselves before we love others, includes our families, friends, pets, flowers, etc. In other meaning of loving ourselves is to accept our flaws and imperfection.
I know that the hardest one, right? since we have much-unfinished business and insecurity about our self-image and broken journey. But hey? be gentle. God is in control.
Sometimes, when I was at ups side of life, I question myself. Sceptically ask 'why should I care about my mental and emotional health? It is out of our culture and sound aliens to my ethics (for real). Twenty-three years I never care about my mental and emotional health. Only after I learn Counselling, I consciously need to do something with all the odd things happening to my way of thinking (cognitive) and emotion expression (emotional regulation) that was spoiled and suspended. --- will continue in part 2.
I love sharing about my life journey. It is a kind of self-reflection for me. I will share more in my next articles about this topic.
Thank you for your time,