Understanding a woman will never be easy for men. It’s not as complicated as what you all think it is but surely, it will be a challenge to all men how to safely and peacefully comprehend the woman’s mind.
All men should know that every woman is unique in their own way. They have something you will never understand about them that makes them special in your eyes. You, man, should know that the ultimate goal for you is to not become the world’s greatest lover and husband, but to be the world’s greatest lover and husband to your particular partner.
What do woman really want?
TRUSTWORTHINESS. Don’t be too easy on yourself on this. It’s not how loyal you are to your woman or you think of how good are you and how trustful are you in terms of financial and emotional aspect – not even how you want to be on a long-term relationship with her. These stuffs may be important and are actually essential in your relationship but these are not enough.
Trustworthiness means you are reliable and accountable of letting her know and showing her who you really are. It is basically “who you say you are” and “doing what you say you are going to do”.
Why is that?
Men make a difference. They general have the biggest impact in the lives of their children (and future children). All through-out history, woman and her children have been dependent on her husband’s trustworthiness. This is not just an antiqued saying or belief. Fathers in general becomes a critical factor in their children’s lives. Kids who have not been involved with their fathers and are emotionally unattached to them will most likely fail in school, deal with emotional and mental health problems and even live in poverty in the future. Men matter immensely to women and to their children, so there’s a reason women are looking for men who are trustworthy.
Symbolic actions regarding protectiveness and concern makes a woman’s heart pound like crazy. Pulling out her chair, opening doors for her, walking on the traffic side of the street, will always make a difference. It makes her think that you are trustworthy and is willing to protect her. Also, showing up on time and actually doing what you said you will do, makes her think that you are indeed, trustworthy. Chivalrous, yes, it is. It may seem like a small act of kindness but it means a lot to most woman and you are definitely one step closer in entering her heart.
A man’s trustworthiness doesn’t only mean he is willing to protect her woman and their future children, but safeguarding her heart, as well.
What do woman really complain about?
Women need to feel respected, heard, and connected. There’s these two things a woman would always complain about: “My man is never there for me,” and “there is no enough intimacy and connection.” Being there for them emotionally, like listening to them, caring for them, and safeguarding their hearts, are vital in keeping your woman. The fights of many couples comes from men whenever they try to dismiss their women’s emotions instead of attuning to them. You are definitely dismissing a woman’s emotions every time you try to fix them, distract her from them, minimize them, mock them, or ignore them altogether.
Attunement of men on their woman is needed. When a couple think that they lack on intimacy, both parties should sit down and talk about it, heart-to-heart. When men attune to their woman, there would probably lesser chances of fights and problems, more frequent intimacy (and better sex), and both parties will no longer feel alone. This will lead to a better emotional connection that will eventually turn into trust, which is what the woman really wants.
Studies show that men who learned emotional attunement to their woman, got what they ultimately wanted from their relationships: less fighting and more sex.
For women, being sexual is equivalent to being vulnerable, and fear will be the biggest reason why their arousal gets reversed. This is not about her fear getting hurt physically (which is probably the deal breaker, given when being sexual with your partner), but her fear of getting hurt emotionally. The fear that she is not safe with you. If your woman thinks you are lying to her, you’re faking your feelings or not being accountable of your actions towards her and dismissing her feelings, your sex life would probably suck (and no man would want that).
What do men really want?
Of course, this article would not be enough and might be a little biased to women if we can’t talk about men. So what do men really want? Not just the “less fighting and more sex”.
It is “being desired, approved and wanted by the woman in his life”. He needs to feel that his woman adores him and approves of him just the way he is. It’s a given and probably the best thing if women (if you’re reading this), would know what it takes to make a man stay.
Lesser conflict also adds up on the list. Men sometimes feel responsible for her woman’s feelings because you don’t want to be her source of unhappiness. Both parties have feelings but woman have bigger feelings that scares most men. It’s that tears that can come out of nowhere and you think you can get to the source of the problem and just make it fade away in a rush. Always remember that women don’t work that way.
If you think you are patient enough in understanding your woman, then you got it all wrong. The goal is not to make your woman happy when you think she is not. That is just an impatient and a very irritable attitude of a man thinking that he should be responsible of his woman’s happiness and emotion. This makes the woman think and feel that she’s stupid, sorry and embarrassing for being so emotionally distressed.
Attend to her, pay full and close attention, understand, listen in a non-defensive manner and start to empathize with her. You don’t need to philosophize, personalize and fix what bothers your woman. You just need to know that she just wants to less feel alone.
Acceptance is the key. Accepting her emotions in their raw and ugly beauty will also make you realize and accept your own. Never give her a logical reason why these stressful emotions she is feeling should not be present. Woman have stronger emotions and that is from a hormonal basis. It’s natural and unchanging so it is very important to pay attention to your woman if she is emotionally and mentally unstable at times. Be an observant partner who truly cares for her and never degrade your woman for being unstable in some aspects.
The Bottom-line
For a woman, there is no negative emotions. Emotions are just emotion, as natural as breathing. Emotions are opportunities for intimacy. These emotions are opportunities for men to build connection with them. These are opportunities to demonstrate your trustworthiness in them. No couple can agree on everything. The goal is to understand the unique, amazing, complex, annoying, frustrating person you are in a relationship with.
