Note: This is a little bit short and I don't know if this article makes sense.
It was a roller coaster ride of emotion these past few days. I finally graduated from senior high school and received an honorable award. However, after that, I received an email from the scholarship that I applied for; I failed to pass the exam. How the realm can immediately reverse your feelings and situation is amazing and shocking at the same time. After a success, frustration and disappointment were in the queue.
I was hesitant to tell my parents about the result because they are the ones who are more excited than me, and they will be disappointed for sure if I tell them about it.
It took me several attempts to finally reveal the truth. My mother is not that happy with the outcome. I can see to her reaction that she's disappointed, and I understand that knowing college is too expensive without a scholarship or cash assistance.
She asked what part of the exam did I have difficulty answering and I said on the numerical part. I will not deny the fact that I am not good at numbers. Since elementary mathematics is my most hate subject. So as a solution, I often attend Math classes to improve a bit my skills in it. But after attending several classes, nothing changed; still meh.
When she heard that I had difficulty with the numerical part of the exam, she started to lowkey condemn me. "If you just study hard, if you are just good at math, maybe you can pass the exam.", as far as I can remember, that what she said. Though not exact words, it's the exact thought.
I understand her frustration and disappointment, and I wholeheartedly accepted what she said. Sometimes, we can't control our mouths if we are overwhelmed by our emotions. I am sure she will realize that later on and I will let the conscience do its part.
I realized that how matter how big is your accomplishments, you are not still exempted from judgment when you fail on something.
I also learned that we should always be mindful of words we are throwing at someone; always use your head before opening your mouth. Our words may wreck someone's feelings and confidence.
After that, I asked some of my pals who also took the scholarship if they passed the exam. All of them, unfortunately, said no. Some of them had trouble with the vocabulary and comprehension part of the exam, which the simplest part for me. Some of them told that the numerical part is just a piece of cake.
While we are sharing our experiences on the group chat, I again realized that this exam validates one thing; every student or individual has their strengths and weaknesses.
Since I failed to progress at the scholarship, it also means that I don't have a university to go to yet. I am having a tough time finding a university near my area as they have no vacancies left. I tried to apply at Pamantasan ng Manila (University of Manila) a few months ago but my application is rejected since they prioritized the residents of their place. I also tried to inquire about Batangas State University but they're not allowing a student to take a Computer Science program if you're, not a STEM graduate. This has left me an option to just enroll in private universities which can cost me P100,000 per semester or school year, plus the equipment and stuff that I need to buy for my studies. I also have this choice where I am planning to quit for a while and find some part-time job to sustain my needs and save money for college.
The truth slams me again; how come that I didn't do my very best at the exam. How come that I became too complacent. If I just passed the scholarship, I would never face this situation. How about my future? These thoughts keep on running and running on my head. It makes me sad, disappointed and frustrated all at the same time.
I realized that I am not a child anymore. I am already on the stage of adulthood where everything seems complicated. Where everyone is fighting to survive. Where everyone is trying their best to prove themselves. And realizing this makes me scared and doubtful about my future.
Final thoughts...
I realized that we're not always on the top of the circle of life. Maybe you are celebrating today but tomorrow you will face the tragedy of your life or vice versa.
Regardless, the right and expected thing to do is to accept it. Though it's hard, it's part of the process. All I can do is move forward and continue building the block for your future. The important thing is the lessons we learned that we can use in our journey in the future.
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Medyo kinakabahan ako ngayong ma-g-grade twelve na ako next sy and sana may mahanap akong scholarship gaya nila ate car at magtatanong ako ng PM sa kaniya since magkakalapit lang kami ng lugaw at same kami ng pinag-aralan na school sa senior high. Praying to find a scholarship. Kung wala kang makitang school, try to find a scholarship na malapit sa inyo. Ma-i-ipon na nga ako ng BCH para kung sakaling may aberya eh haha