Back-To-Back Heartbreak

I feel so blank and unworthy while writing this article. I feel like I won't experience the celebrations that my other batchmates had experienced in Valenzuela City. For those who don't know yet, I've been residing in NCR since I was born. I just moved here in the province five months after the pandemic.

I can't help to be jealous of my destiny here in the province. While writing this, I couldn't help but blame myself. What if I studied in Manila? What if I tried my luck on their admission even though I am in the province? Maybe I would not blame myself right now. I'm just sad to see myself being a failure in the mirror due to my failed decisions. But as one of my commenters said, we always do ourselves in a given situation.

Last time, I told you that I failed to enter an admission to one of the prestigious public universities here in our place. The pain is still here, and I'm slowly accepting that this course is not for me. With this scenario, I'm starting to question my destiny. Every time my relatives ask if I still have a chance that I could study at the university, I'm just saying that my chance is only 1%. They also knew I was a bit intelligent, but why did they enable me to offer admission? My other relatives state that the public university I want to enter has high standards, and what's more to others?

I posted my article about it, and they said I'm just being redirected. That is just what I'm holding right now. I want to rant in my social media accounts, but I'm afraid of being labeled desperate. I don't want to be labeled like that since I admit I don't have a high grade like the others who passed. It is just like I realized this school is not for me. Pushing yourself to something that isn't worth you will hurt you. Unfortunately, they didn't even offer me to be on their waiting list. I just knew it when I researched about my status.

Of course, I can still enter because I just passed my reconsideration letter. I only have a tiny chance to be reconsidered, which I need to accept. I think my mother mentioned that I would be studying at the two private universities in San Jose. I'm not sure, but I'm expecting low with that as we are not born with a silver spoon in our month.

And here's the saddest news I read in our group chat. My adviser announced in our group chat that our hybrid graduation will be only virtual due to the rising of COVID cases. All of us are sad, of course. My mother was ranting since she went to the conference hall for the meeting, expecting that I would graduate face-to-face. I know she's also excited to hang my medal on my neck as it is one of the achievements that every parent must be proud. I'm anticipated to walk on stage for my paid efforts at a ceremony.

That's why I feel envious of my classmates who just passed their admissions even though they were not intelligent like me. I'm also jealous since they graduated face to face, and all I can do is stare at their stories that I would experience it soon. But now, those dreams I expected for myself is already vanished. It would not change my fate if I turned the world upside down. Of course, everything that occurs to me happens for a reason. I don't know why I'm dealing with slight anxieties. I can't help to question my capability and worth here in this world. I envy you guys☹️.

Anyway, thank you for being here and reading my stories. You helped me to recover and to earn money as well through my blogs. I remember writing an article about my failed admission, which gained massive attention and tips from the bot. I didn't write an article about cryptocurrency but accumulated high sympathy. I'm just taking advantage of this chance to move on and earn BCH. Thank you for reading my articles, as always.