NO. In fact, this is just one word of five letters. It's easy to say, but hard to say. How many jobs have we accepted that we didn't want just because we couldn't say that word? How many times have we done someone else's work even though it was not our responsibility? Or how many times have we left it and rushed to help someone else when we had homework, work or something else to train just because we couldn't say no, even though it wasn't very important? Or how many times have we neglected ourselves just so that our friend doesn't hurt us? I'm sure many people have quite a lot of answers to these questions. So why are we so afraid of saying this word? Why do we choose to be unfair to ourselves rather than saying no?
Why is it so hard to say no?
Many explanations can be made about why we cannot say no. All of them are correct and valid in one respect. The most important reason is that we fear what will happen after we say no. There is no guarantee that an adverse event will happen, but the prospect scares us. Because the no answer threatens one of our most basic needs, our need to be part of a group, to be accepted and loved by people.
This need is so important that we try to eliminate situations that could prevent this. We compromise ourselves just to be accepted and loved. Of course, we don't help those around us just to be loved. Sometimes we do it just to make them happy. But when we neglect ourselves, put our priorities in the background and focus on the needs of others just to please others, then there is a mistake.
Sometimes the reason we can't say no is because of our role in the group we are in. The roles are dispersed in such a way that we are the one who fulfills the requests and the more often this happens, the stronger the roles. However, there is a small detail as follows; By saying yes to everything in the first place, we determine our role ourselves. In fact, this role may seem like we were given, but by saying yes to this, we are the final decision. Well, can't these roles change? Will it always continue like this? Of course it can change. What we will do for this is to give a word more space in our lives: No.
How can we say no?
First, decide what you want to say no to. "If you were someone who could easily say no, what would you say no to first?" Answer the question. Your answers will draw a clear road map for you.
Set your principles and rules. Determine when you spend it for yourself, when you spend it for others. What do you dislike and do not like to share, what are your priorities? Have clear choices about them and share them with people. In this way, you will show that the no answer you give when appropriate is not a personal situation, it is valid for everyone. In this way, you will prevent possible discussions and misunderstandings.
Draw your boundaries. The principles and rules you set are the biggest and most important part of this. If you set your limits, people will respect you and approach you accordingly. That way, they won't come up with demands that require you to say no from the beginning.
Even if you make all these preparations, it is not easy to say no at once. You can say yes instantly, even as a reflex. For this, ask for some time to think and evaluate before answering. This time may vary depending on the situation and the event. This period of time will help you gather your courage.
It's a big step that you once said no. But this alone is not enough. The important thing is to have this continuity. Saying yes to the same situation once and no once gives an indecisive message to the other party and causes them to come back with the same request. So be consistent about what you say no to.
You can explain why you said no. A short and clear explanation you will make will help the other party to see the situation from your perspective. However, avoid making the explanation in complex and long sentences as much as possible. A simple explanation will suffice.
Saying no is a skill that can be learned. This only takes time and practice. Remember; the goal is not to say no to everything. This is not a very correct choice, either. Where saying yes to someone else means saying no to yourself, it is important and necessary to say no. You owe this to yourself before anyone else.
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