Depths of Bipolar Affective Disorder

I'm not going to say, unfortunately, I am a person with bipolar mood disorder. Generally, when I say that I am bipolar, the responses I get are either meaningless looks or worrying expressions. However, I am happy that I am bipolar.

This is a feature that makes me unique from others. Just as our fingerprints are different and unique from each other. There are so many things I want to tell you in this article. However, I can only reach as much as I can type on my keyboard. Sorry in advance for the sterility of my narration. I am writing this article for those we marginalize, it will actually be selfish, but I am also writing it for myself. Because now I'm tired of hiding some facts.

"It is harder to break prejudices than to shatter the atom." As he said, Einstein, I want to write exactly about this topic. Because I think the biggest cause of wars in the world is prejudices. When you smash the atom, you can extract great energy and start a war. But the most insidious of wars is the cold. Aren't the divisions within us also from prejudices?

The mentality that says when they see someone covered is reactionary and when they see someone with a mini skirt they are a bad woman is the same. And it is these prejudices that also cause us to send the atomic bomb to a country. Does the struggle of who is superior to whom is not prejudiced, while none of us has superiority over the other? The external forces that distinguish us from Eastern and Western are aware of the power of prejudice, but we still continue to call each other names as.

It is better not to know anything than to know it wrong.

But even if you don't know anything about bipolar, I want to tell you the right things. Because unknown is also tiring you… While all sciences are built on knowing, I think you should know about us bipolar people.

Let me flavor my story by summarizing: 7 years ago, when I was 18, I took the university entrance exam and won it. Here is the sentence I formed with these three or five words, has a huge history and success story. The story I'm going to tell is not a success story, unfortunately… It's a failure story… You may have wondered how a memory I started saying I won would fail. I will witness how the 12 years of effort I have made in the past to win the university was garbage.

Yes, I won, and I got the psychological counseling and guidance department at a prestigious university like Istanbul University. However, in the 2nd grade, things turned upside down. Irregularities in my sleep, running away from home, going out at night, and many other nonsensical movements… I can give this example to illustrate the gravity of the situation. I studied for the final exam I got on my midterm exam all night and instead of going to the exam in the morning, I went to the cinema.

I started to think there was something wrong with myself when I started making unconnected gestures. I would not say I took my breath at the psychiatrist, I went unwillingly and in fear. My father also had an illness that I thought I might have. And I did not believe my father's illness for years and always blamed him for what he had done.

Did he find me a disease I don't believe in? I went to the doctor with curiosity and my feet backed up. The psychiatrist listened to me and, sitting calmly, muttered something like "subthreshold bipolar." Me and being sick… I could not make it like myself, but on the other hand, I welcomed it very calmly. He told me for a long time that I should use medication. I remember going home and sobbing. On the one hand, happiness… Because there was an explanation for the absurd movements I made. On the other hand, from sadness… Because it was possible for me to have a life that is called normal with drugs. I refused the medication. I suspended the school. And I could not finish school in 7 years.

Nothing I've been successful has happened since then, except for one thing: my marriage. I got married about a year ago and now I'm happy. I use my medicines regularly. Everything is going normal. But this story is not a success story, it is a story of holding on to life. There are many more things I cannot explain. I'm telling you this because you don't have prejudice, whether it's against bipolar people or individuals who display abnormal behavior that society doesn't want. Because we already have enough burden on our shoulders.

We have great problems in protecting our emotions and what you can easily accomplish is difficult for us. While all this is going on, do not make us bother with your prejudiced and marginalizing looks.

I'm going to say I hope I didn't bore you this much. For those who do not have bipolar, those who read, those who do not hear, those who hear.