Give or Take?

One of the topics I and my husband talk about everytime we have our video call is his roommate. Last night we talked about his roommate from a few years ago who once offered to pay for their snack saying it's his treat. Who doesn't want free right? So he gladly accepted thinking that was nice of his roommie. Then the very next day after their shift, the roommate said : " It's your turn to treat me today cause I paid for our snack yesterday". (demanding?) They went to eat on the nearest fastfood then paid for their food. Since then, he never accepted his roommate's offer of a treat. When they go out to eat together he always paid for his food.

We give because we feel good and happy doing it. We give generously without expecting something in return.

I just finished watching What's Wrong with Secretary Kim (a korean series). One of the characters is workaholic guy who turns down his colleagues'invitations of dining out and after-work drinking together. One day a girl who likes the workaholic guy invited him to dine with her. The workaholic guy refused and told the girl the reason why he declines their invitations, saying that if he accepts their offer he would then be obliged to treat them back the next time they go out. He does not want to take because he does not want to give. There is deeper reason on to why he is like that. It's not that he does not want to give, it's because he cannot afford to give- but that is a different story.🙂

I told my husband the story of this workaholic guy and he compared it to his current roommate who was kind of a prideful selfish person. It hurts his pride to ask for any help from others or to ask questions on things he is not familiar with.

Due to the lockdowns last year, it was a five-month "No work No pay" for them. The company just gave them 300 Riyals per month as food allowance which isn't much. It' s only good for a week or two. There was a time when this roommate has used up all his food resources, but he is too proud to ask. My husband, thankfully blessed with generous clients who gave him food supplies at that time gladly shared it to this roommate. He put it out in the open so the roommate can easily get if he wants. He doesn't like to take it at first but eventually had to because he has no choice.

There was a time when they went back to work, had their salary and food allowance, they both were able to buy their needs. One day, my husband ran out of sugar and milk so he asked his roommate if he could borrow some. The roommate gave him what he needed at that time. They were just on top of the table they both use to put their things. But on the next day he noticed that they were already kept inside his personal cabinet. My husband, embarassed to ask just went on his way to the store which is a bit far to buy what he needs.

A colleague from the room next door gave this roommate some food that he was not able to eat because he is on a strict diet. He didn't notice that the food is way past its expiry date. The roommate saw it and went bananas saying that the guy next door knew that its already out of date and intentionally gave it to him just to make fun of him.

There were countless times even in their conversation where this roommate have told and showed his act of selfishness. He speaks only of " I don't care, as long as I'm okay". This roommate does not like to accept any help from others as much possible because it seems like it's burdensome for him to return the favor. He thinks that if someone shows him kindness, that someone needs something from him. And he doesn't like that. What is wrong with him?

This roommate has a big problem with trust issues. He is full of negativity and bitterness. He complains a lot about almost all things big or small. They had been roommates for two years and his behavior is almost taking its toll on my husband as he had been having panic and anxiety attack lately. He felt like dying and his heart is about to stop beating .

Thankfully, the guy next door moved to another apartment so my husband moved in to the vacated room. Being away and not listening to his roommate's every day ramblings and toxicity has been a great help to my husband's overcoming his panic attack.

He doesn't hate his roommate. He has figured him out and knows how to deal with him. But he needs to distance himself from him for his own peace of mind.

"Cut negative people out of your life. The people you spend time with influence your attitude and thoughts more than you think." https://livelifehappy.com/