Now, I Realized

Good afternoon to all.

Now I realized how hard is when you don't have a regular job even though your husband has. It's like you are just wasted. I can say it really to myself because I do feel sometimes the depression. I'm sad that everytime you need money, you always ask him and almost beg for money. But you know there are some husband who's so generous that you don't need to ask for anything like money.

I regret to say that I'm not that a lucky wife that has a loving and caring and even a generous husband and partner. Sometimes I'm thinking of so many things like giving up this love of my life before. I might say that I'm now willing to give up my family to let him go. I'm sure that I fell out of love with him and I think it's the best thing I would like to do. I don't like him anymore. I tried to be true really but seems my heart and my mind are saying no more.

I thought before our marriage that everything will be fine when we were in one roof already but I was wrong, it could be good or the same as bad still. The mere fact that a person has a bad attitude and a disgusting personality, it's forever the same the whole life.

I don't feel like loved actually in my whole life of marriage. For twenty years of struggling life, until now no more. Now I realized how hard life if you're not loved indeed by your partner. It feels like you've got the wrong choice in life.

Now I realized having a person that you will hate your whole life. Don't you know how irresponsible father is he too? He's only thinking of himself only. He's only thinking of paying his grand and new car with out thinking that his children needs to eat everyday, have needs everyday and even the education of his children. That's so annoying, right?

Sometimes, I'm planning to make a separation just to prove to him our worth but I think it's not proper yet because I have still children studying. But if you will ask me how deep is my opinion of leaving him, so many reasons to tell indeed.

It's true that repentance always comes last. There is no repentance at first because I remember that time, my family told me that they don't like that guy, something wrong about him. They can see something not appropriate in his personality. I'm only the one who insisted to have that wedding. I'm sad everytime I remember that. I don't like to remember those bad days as much as possible.

Even as a father, there's no reason for stay with him. He doesn't support my children's schooling. I don't know where are the salaries and bonuses he received this last Christmas. No gifts, no allowance and nothing. Do you think that is the real father to be? He can make his children suffer in eating less and no giving so much attention in dealing with the needs of his own children. How fool is it?

I'm still lucky that I have parents and siblings that help us all the way. They are very supportive to us and giving all the moral support and financial assistance too.

If I maybe asked, this will be the worst ever that happened to my life. Having a partner who's so insensitive to the needs of her family and especially hi children knowing that he has a good job and nice salary. I don't know why he doesn't care about us. I don't know.

I'm only praying that time comes that realization might be in his heart and make an action to be like a good father and the man of the family.

Hoping someday that he'll be a responsible one when it comes to the stand and needs of his family.

I pray and wishes too.

Thank you for listening my dear RC. I can release here my regrets and sentiments in life. I am blessed too having here. God bless you and God bless us all! ❤❤❤