What's your earliest memory?

I strongly believe that memories are what we are made of. the emotions behind the moments in time that we have experienced are sacred pieces of life, I know I don't make sense so let me start from the beginning.

Recently my head has been put in a state of absolute nostalgia, I have been remembering incidents from my past constantly, some make me smile, others make me sad. Through all of that though I feel like I've gained a new sense of reality.

I guess when people say those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it, they really do mean it. The past also helps you understand where you came from and where you want to go.

I don't have a lot of happy memories when I was growing up. My eldest sister and I are only two years apart, meaning we had to do the same things a lot of the time. when I was growing up we were forced to play with the same children, most of them liked my sister more, she has that type of likable leader personality while I'm the silent one who just watches. Somehow though I was always excluded from the games because my sister said I'm too young, yet the others where my age or even smaller. she saw me as young, not her equal and refused to play with me at any point.

It became hard getting friends they'd immediately like her and just leave me. I'm not joking they used to constantly do that to me. In the end I became a little bit to insecure and for a child whose only 6 wont know the difference between unlikable and rejection. I felt like there was something wrong with me. like there was something wrong with me.

For the longest time I would be constantly compared to my sister, my confidence took a big hit, I knew I was invisible, even to my parents, my sister was praised for her art despite the fact that I could draw better than her, so I stopped drawing. I took up sports then she joined my team and suddenly I didn't have any friends and she became the star despite the fact that I was better and actually scored more, so I left sports to. And then I decided to be alone, walk in her shadow, observing everything around me, I became so quiet that I was cold heartless because I just stopped showing any emotions. You tend to do that when people don't notice you. you feel like you inconvenience others.

On the bright side I was my own friend, meaning I got to learn about myself, the things I like, the things I don't like, with that I was okay. then when I became a teenager I realized that I was feeling something I don't know, I couldn't put it in words. that's when I read my first book, and the characters in those pages became my friends. with books I got to live in worlds beyond my imagination, I got to experience emotions I haven't felt before, I loved, I lost, I lived.

Slowly I built my confidence back up. Something that you should know about books is that they are literally psychological encyclopedia's of the human society and thought. And I learnt to judge people, to see beyond the normal. I also found my own set of friends, people who were like me, misunderstood misfits trying to live in a world that is so black and white. because I was by myself a lot I learnt to think a little bit outside the box, I saw things differently. I had my own thought process and never always critically calculated any information I'm given always analyzing things, always looking for a way out, always trying to see the other side.

After I learned who I am I was literally unstoppable, since I knew myself, I knew my boundaries, I know what is best for me. Since I was left alone without any peer influence at a tender age, I have felt peer rejection before and I'm not scared of it now. I'm not scared that my peer group will kick me out of the group, It doesn't matter to me if they are cool or only friends I have. I have no problem cutting people out of my life if they do not value me or my space.

My memories got happier after that. I have some memories about just me on the white sandy beach looking at the sunset. I have one that I was on the rooftop watching the stars and talking to the boy I liked at new years, we watched the sun come up.

I have memories of my friends laughing and happy, in the forest near our town , in the night with a huge fire. all of us doing what we want, as is time won't change.

I feel like Sometimes we need to embrace the pain, rejection and sadness in order for us to grow and become more and let the good moments come through. Life is always changing, we both get the good and the bad, it's what we do with the changes we get that define who we are. I know that sounds really motivational and non-real but that is my full opinion of all of this.

I must say that the most endearing memory and the most earliest memory that I have ever had was with my father, when he came from work we used to run to him hug him and take of his socks and shoes, and my mum forcing us to sleep at lunch time then we'd surprisingly wake up just in time cartoons. for Weird thing really but we were kids and it was something we just did as crazy as that sounds.

well there you have it, a full story of my life again, I feel like I'm turning my read.cash profile in too a diary.

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