"Can you still remember the first time you were completely shattered?", asked by an old pastor. It was five years fast backwards when we had this annual youth fellowship, that we used to attend. The pastor smiled wide-open, and looked at each and everyone of us. Some teenagers laughed, and some were just waiting for his mouth to speak up again. "If yes, what did you do back then?", he added as he walked around the stage. He paused for a moment and again asked, "have you ever thanked God the first time He broke you?".
I had no idea what was the word 'broke' accurately meant during that exact moment. It was kinda confusing for me since, it could have pertained to any situations. All I knew back then was, I was happily living my life with less anxiety or worries about something. Little did I know, I will reach the point in life where, I can encounter the essence of this felicitous question asked by the pastor.
The smell of year 2019 is still a fragrant aroma for me. It was when I spent the last days of my life as a student, before the COVID-19 interfered what was supposed to be a perfect timeline. It was also the year where I firstly experienced the most tragic days of my life. That was also when, an unexpected accident happened to my father. I cannot truly imagined what was the exact emotion I felt that time, and all I did was to lock myself in a room. I wept all day long, imagining how a God could be so reckless in taking away my father's life after I have been so faithful to him. I cursed him, and questioned the point of life, and his existence. It was like losing my whole faith at that point of my life.
Weeks passed. Those were the hardest battles for me to conquer, I admit. Then, I realized that, crying all day long was not the solution and cursing God was an erroneous action we could ever do.I went outside and reflected through looking at the vastness of the sky. I was like a bird that was captivated in the cage for a very long time, and was freed. The brightness of the sun, the birds freely flying, and the grasses freely dance along with the wind. I realized that, if the sun still shines, why would I let darkness rule over myself? If the birds are still freely flying, why would not I free myself from pain, hatred and anger? And if the grasses still dance along with the whispers of wind, I would not I sway for a while and dance along with the rhythm of life?
The question of the pastor flashed back in my mind. "Have you ever thanked God the first time He broke you?". My answer would be no, because at first, I was ignorant enough to recognize him in the midst of the negativities in my life. I was devoured by ignorance, thinking that it was better to cry at all times and cursing was a satisfying to do. However, later on, I suddenly realized that I was alright. And yes, I thanked him for that. I was grateful enough to acknowledge his will after that heartbreak. There was an immense pain, but his love was always more intense.
The reality is that, most of us can never recognize God when we are at the weakest point of our lives. Although it is okay to weep, but what I learned suggests that what is wrong is when we let these emotion rule over ourselves. The reality also is that, we have different form of heartbreaks as we go through life. But that is not the case. What matters the most is how you handle those heartbreaks. Will you let ignorance freely consume you like what I have been? Or will you move on and face life with more courage? How about you? Have you ever thanked God the first time He broke you?