I'd choose to live with the burden of you
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My brain is empty; my mind is blank. I am seeing things, the trees outside and the sun in the sky—i can even feel the warmth of the sunlight—but my mind remains blank.
During normal days, if i see a flower it would remind me of something. It could be childhood days, or my friends putting petals in our made up soup, or just simply a garden in our school.
But this day is different. I see a tree and i just see it as a tree. I see green leaves, the bark of the tree, the grass beneath it, but just that. Usually, a tree would remind me of windy afternoons.
And when i think of windy afternoons and trees, the thought of you would eventually follow. But now it does not happen.
Have i lost my ability to imagine good things? Or maybe today, I have finally forgotten about you and your whole existence? Forgetting about you and the pain sounds very okay to me.
But forgetting about you also means forgetting about good memories. It also means i will lose my ability to give meaning to things. Losing you meant losing meaning in whatever life i have.
Do i take this risk? Do i just let myself look at my hand and just see it as a part of my body? Am i going to let myself no longer see my hand as something that would want to hold someone else's hand—someone who i am in love with?
Do i let myself look at a path and just see it as a pathway? Am i going to deprive myself of joy to imagine a path i'll go and walk with someone i will grow old with?
Am i willing to deprive myself of joy and a chance to be okay once again in exchange of forgetting about you? Or do i just embrace every bit of memories of you, and go on with my life?
I think that is better, and i am not dumb enough to risk living my life to the fullest in exchange of getting rid of you.
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This is only a work of fiction!
I have noticed that the articles i am making these days, always involve nature. It always involves the trees, to be specific.
To be honest, i do not have a very concrete idea as to why i am always involving trees.
Well Maybe it has something to do with their long lives, and years, and stories that they could share if only they have mouths. But since they cannot speak, maybe my brain then suggested that i speak for them. You know share the stories that they may have witnessed in their long lives.
And in this certain article, i am telling a story about a girl who is kind of in a dilemma. Whether to go on with her life with a bad memory or just keep going with it.
I hope that i am making sense! Hehehe. I enjoyed making this article, I hope you liked it too!
Photos used are from Pinterestㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
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