We should fight for our relationships, but if fighting means ripping yourself to shreds and piggybacking all his demons, you need to leave.
– Tara Love
As I happened to read this quotation, a friend of mine immediately came to mind. She was a loving partner, a dedicated mother, and a nice person. But there was one thing that brought her down: she was blind.
She was not blind in the literal sense because she had a pair of pretty eyes that saw how much of a narcissist and a liar her boyfriend was. And yet, over the course of time of betrayals and pain, she chose to turn a blind eye. She refused to believe the red flags her boyfriend was giving her. She only opted for the things that she wanted to see, and she closed her eyes to face her boyfriend's infidelity.
I hated that day when she came running to me and cried buckets of tears while her boyfriend was banging another girl inside their own bedroom. And also that time when I witnessed how that boyfriend of hers beat her and gave her bruises on the face and a bloody nose. I hated it because I was the one who called the police to pick that good-for-nothing prick, and yet, in the end, it was still my friend who fetched him from the police station!
Sure, let's call it fighting for love but if it means you have to carry with you the many demons that your partner has, is it really worth the fight?
One of my besties was a Social Worker and one of their advocacies was women empowerment. Sadly, according to her, the scenario above had been a common problem in our society. And there's a name for that: Domestic Abuse.
United Nations describes "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence" as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse could be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This also includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.
As explained, domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together, or dating.
"As much as we wanted to help these women, they will refuse to be helped because of many factors. One of them is their children," my best friend replied when asked why women still stay in an abusive relationship.
This was quite true because according to an article written by Jason Whiting, some of the reasons why these women were stuck in an abusive partner were the following: distorted thoughts, damaged self-worth, children, fear, the desire to be a savior, family expectations and experiences, financial constraints, and isolation.
It's disheartening to know that a lot of women out there are experiencing this kind of torture when all that they want is to have a better life together with their partner. And yet, we cannot help them if they are not willing to be helped. The question is, how? How can we help them without compromising their safety and their already tortured emotional state?
I guess the only thing that we can do is to remind them that they are not alone. It is imperative to make them understand that not all relationships are meant to be fought for. Some relationships are meant to be ended so both of you will be released to the chains of a long and abusive relationship. Yes, it is going to be hard because you might think that your partner still has a chance to change, but my friend, if you have done and sacrificed enough and the behaviors have not changed, then stop. Save yourself from the cycle of an abusive relationship. Save yourself from Domestic Violence. You deserve a life where you could love freely and unconditionally. Do not ever think that leaving is cowardice. If you are living in hell, leaving is like your only ticket to heaven.
Remember this, sometimes the only way to happiness and new beginning is by leaving it all behind.
Sometimes leaving is also winning.
Credits to the sources: https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships
https://www.ourmindfullife.com/29-inspiring-quotes-help-leave-toxic-relationship/
https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse
I am done with that kind of domestic violence and you are right sometimes the only way to happiness and a new beginning is by leaving it all behind. I already had a very kind and loving partner who never hurt me.