How much I improved myself over the past years...?

Heya~ And I'm back again.

I was supposed to publish this one yesterday but I had a super wild headache haha. Thou, it's still hurting lol.

Anyway, back to the title. How much did I improved myself over the past years? How much did I really improved, for example the way I speak, the way I communicate and or socialize to other people and also for example when speaking in English..?

Actually, I don't know too myself, but... I guess I did improved myself. But I can't say that I am 100% improved from last years. And sometimes I wonder, how and since when? Well I have no idea at all haha.

Let's take one for example in English, how did I improved myself...?

Actually, I'm not that smart and I'm not that stupid. I do love studying, it's just, I didn't focus because of some circumstances that I even stopped studying when I was in college.. Math, science, problem solving was my favorite subjects, oh also arts and Mapeh (Music, arts, Physical Education, Health. English is so-so. Most I hate was History and Filipino, although I born as a Filipino and yet it's the most I hated haha.

As for English subject, I always got blank when it's my turn to speak in public or when having a presentation. I don't know why, my tongue suddenly went back inside my mouth and I felt nervous and scared. Yes, that's right. I got scared every time I open my mouth. They always laugh whenever I speak, they disgust me, they despise me because of this face of mine. My face was.... how should I explain it, it's different not normal, I say, unbalanced face. I can't smile properly, I can't even talk properly. And also, every time I speak, sometimes I am "Bulol", Slurred speech or indifferent speech. My S was sometimes ets or esh, there are other words mixing with letters Y... A lot that you might not be able to understand what I'm saying.. That is why I prefer to keep quiet or not say anything.

I'm not good in speaking in English and or using it, but now, it's almost like my native speech haha. I'm not good, but my exam and grades are above average that why I said, my English was so-so.

I mentioned many times in my previous articles that I am writing my own novel stories since when I was  7 years old. Although at first it's all in Filipino words. Then, when I was 9 years old, I start reading Manga (Japanese comics, Anime comics.) At first I couldn't understand other words in there, but when the time that I keep reading them, I slowly got adopted getting better in speaking in English at the same time speaking in Japanese. When I was 13, I started reading light novels still about anime and such. Then, I start changing my language when writing a story/novel into English words, it really helps me a lot specially that I thought that I might need it in the future. 

Years have passed, now that I get old, I am frequently using English word everywhere and I am more comfortable using it. Although, I admit, I still have some wrong grammar but its fine, as soon as I know my fault and wrong, I tried to correct the words.

Specially, right now, the one I'm typing, some say you can just say it in Filipino but I still prefer to write in English, because I've already used to it.

And there are some people for example in noise.cash, they thought I'm a Foreigner hahaha. Because of the way I speak and comment on their posts. And there are some event/places where, people are chatting in tagalog but you still type and chat in english. And they were like bro, you're not in english room, can you speak in tagalog. Hahaha.  Sometimes, I can't help myself and wonder am I still a Filipino, haha.

After all this, I started to love speaking in english, even here in the house, sometimes, I suddenly speak in english that made my family startled haha. Like for example, my father was asking in tagalog but I answered in english. Also, I remember sometimes when buying and going on the shop, I suddenly speak in English that made them looked at me. Hahaha sorry about that. And just like what I've said, I am comfortable using it everywhere.

So, yeah, I guess this is how I improved myself speaking in English for the past years.

One more thing also, I mentioned socialize or communication. As I mentioned above, since I was a kid, I'm not good at talking and I'm scared of talking because I always received bullying.

Since I was kid, I didn't have too much friends nor sided with me. I'm not too close with my siblings before even my relatives cousins, I never get close to them. We may sometimes talk but not that long talk. I always stayed alone at one side. And the trending "EMO" was me hahaha.

Actually, I tried talking to them, I tried reaching them, but it always ended that fast and sometimes, when I was talking, someone cut it and they continue the new topic and forget about mine.... So yeah, I thought I said, it's fine, already used to it. 

But now years has passed, I tried to be friendly with everyone true chatting in group chats, and other platforms like discord, facebook, messenger, telegram and other social medias. Although I still feel scared that they may just ghost me or leave me. I tried my best to reach them. Example, I tried to be like a clown to them. I used my "tabinging mukha" just to get their attention and laugh at me. Yes, I really did that just to get their attention. I may be a greedy and desperate but that's all I can do to caught my attention. I'm sorry....

I tried everything to make them laugh with my jokes and with my face. Everything...

So now, I gained a lot of friends tru social media and true game worlds, I also gained lot of friends in Crypto worlds. I tried to be not too high and proud person but not too low and pitiful person. So yeah... I also gained some more friends tru our guild AxieBCH as I also became the leader of the artist, they trust me and I trust them. I guess, all thanks to the owner of the guild...

Anyway, that's all I can say. You see now, how much I improved myself from being a quiet person, now very talkative, active and noisy person hahaha. From being a scaredy cat, now I can say, I'm proud to myself...

Anyway, that's it haha...

End...